Moved to new state and not happy - what next?

Shalimar said:
Anxiety can make the best of us feel crazy. Under the circumstances, it is perfectly normal that you feel as you do. What works for me when my head swirls at 90 miles an hour, and I can barely think, is to do one thing a day. Just one, doesn't really matter much what it is. The purpose is to build a building block, a small piece of

order amongst the spinning chaos. Over time, my spins decrease, it is easier to face the days, I am able to do more, and my thinking begins to clear. Then I can begin to make decisions. I have learned to avoid making big decisions while I am overwhelmed.
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It' good to hear you and some others say this is sort of a normal reaction to my situation. I've just never felt this lost or unmoored before. I think when my mother was alive she provided a ballast for me and I felt ok being so far from "home" but now that she's gone and I uprooted myself from where I had lived for many years, I feel very unstable.

One thing a day...that is a good way to approach and move forward. And I think you're right...I'm not ready to make another big decision at this point. I can't seem to know what I truly feel and want at this point and am just yearning for what's familiar and/or lost to me.

I do think I need to get more out of being here so I don't feel it's time wasted if I end up leaving. Thanks again Shalimar!
 

grapenutpudding said:
Thanks Maggiemae...I think it would be good to know other people who share some of these feelings. I guess I mostly keep them bottled in when I'm around "real" people. ; ) I don't want to be a downer and I pretend everything is fine when it's not.
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You don't need to do that here, people are very supportive. If you feel down, feel free to share your emotions with us.
 
grapenutpudding said:
Now I am feeling really ungrounded, partly from being alone and partly from being uprooted. I go round and round in my head about what to do and come up blank...give it more time here, go back to where I was most of my adult life and try to resurrect a life there, or go back to area where I grew up and like but have nothing but memories there. Nothing feels right.

I feel I've made a mess of my life now and worry that there's no place for me anywhere now. Can anyone relate?
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I can relate to all of that. Three years ago my wife and I moved from Florida where we had lived for many years to Alabama to be nearer her family. Now we both regret it and want to go back. We sold our house in Florida when real estate was at a bottom and now it is recovering while here in Alabama it's stagnant so we will take quite a hit going back. I'm estimating that the total cost for moving away and then moving back will be about 50K.
 
Trade said:
I can relate to all of that. Three years ago my wife and I moved from Florida where we had lived for many years to Alabama to be nearer her family. Now we both regret it and want to go back. We sold our house in Florida when real estate was at a bottom and now it is recovering while here in Alabama it's stagnant so we will take quite a hit going back. I'm estimating that the total cost for moving away and then moving back will be about 50K.
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Gee, that's tough. I hope at least you've enjoyed living near family. I hope it goes well for you if/when you move back. Sometimes it's just hard to know what the right thing to do is until you do it and then regret it or are happy.
 
Hello Grapenutpudding. I have been reading your thread and wondering if things are any better for you now that some time has passed. Are you more settled in and feeling any different about moving? I am also in my 60's and many times I have wondered what it would be like to move to a different place. Seems like I always come back to the feeling that this location is "home" and familiar, and there's a lot to be said for that. Let us know what's going on with you.
 
Hi Grapenutpudding. I, also, read all you wrote here and I identify a lot with your stated feelings of instability and so on. I hope you will post again. First of all, it took a lot of strength for you to pick up and leave, but I suspect you did so with the conviction that you were leaving a negative situation for a much better situation. A lower cost of living and so on are excellent reasons to relocate. (By the way, one thing I have learned in life is, "...if ya don't know what to do, don't do anything!" So, if you don't feel that "leading of peace," you should probably stay where you are until you feel better, IMHO.)

I'm going to venture to guess you even have felt somewhat "panicky," at times. Ha! You thought I didn't know about that! :) You may have a habit, as I did, of carrying your whole life in your mind all the time. This can be a habit that becomes crushing. Another poster mentioned something like this... Assign yourself one main thing to do each day, and focus on one thing at a time. Realize that a lot of your life really doesn't need you "thinking about it all the time." A great deal of your life really will, (sounds untrue) take care of itself. Teach yourself to be calm and focus on folding the laundry, vacuuming or going to get groceries or whatever. Losing your mom, lost hope of a relationship with your sister, getting older and moving. These (and other things you may not have mentioned,) are huge. I am actually admiring you for doing that moving thing you did. I'm up against that now (and many other negatives,) and it is all driving me "nuts," too. This is a time in your life when you are making tremendous adjustments. You can do this. Please be very patient with yourself. Hoping for your best times ahead.
 
Camper6 said:
You know what? You are too hard on yourself. I can sympathize with you.

You need to get out and have some fun somewhere. I don't know if you are a golfer, but that's a start. You will be guaranteed to make some friends on a golf course.

Join a group of some sort. A lodge perhaps. A coffee club gang. A fitness club.

Just getting out among other people can relieve the symptoms of being ungrounded even if you don't know them. Somewhere to go something to do.
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Meetups are for this lost
 
I moved to a new town in my senior years and can relate to your situation of trying to meet new friends and establish a support network. While many people give general advice and clichés about how to meet new friends, few in your exact same situation give the particular steps they took to do it successfully. Certainly location can be part of the problem, but isn't always the problem. Age and the loss of family, friends, and work that come with age, is a factor and there doesn't seem to be an easy answer. Each situation is unique.
 
Tabby Ann said:
I moved to a new town in my senior years and can relate to your situation of trying to meet new friends and establish a support network. While many people give general advice and clichés about how to meet new friends, few in your exact same situation give the particular steps they took to do it successfully. Certainly location can be part of the problem, but isn't always the problem. Age and the loss of family, friends, and work that come with age, is a factor and there doesn't seem to be an easy answer. Each situation is unique.
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Hi, Tabby Ann.
The original person who started this thread has not been here in over 3 years, I think. It would be nice if she'd post again, to tell us how she's been, but often, people don't.
I just wanted to say hi to you. That's a good post you wrote.
Whatever the cause of the various isolation situations we are each in, it sure is difficult to get out of it, as you said.
 
grapenutpudding said:
Well, I am beginning to feel like I'm going crazy. I underestimated how difficult it would be to move to a new city alone at age 60. I've been here about 7 months, can't say I really like it but not sure if I need to give it more time. I haven't been really digging in to life here because part of me is wondering if I should go somewhere else.

I sold my apt. and left a place that was home for 20+ years because I really wanted to get out of there for many reasons. I had a couple of friends as well as a few acquaintances there. I don't really miss the area but am realizing it gave me stability.

I am very homesick for where I grew up and wonder if I should move there, but I don't really have anyone there anymore...my mother died a few years ago and I am estranged from my sister who is there. But that's where my heart is. I think some of the homesickness is yearning for what I had there and lost with loss of family.

Now I am feeling really ungrounded, partly from being alone and partly from being uprooted. I go round and round in my head about what to do and come up blank...give it more time here, go back to where I was most of my adult life and try to resurrect a life there, or go back to area where I grew up and like but have nothing but memories there. Nothing feels right.

I feel I've made a mess of my life now and worry that there's no place for me anywhere now. Can anyone relate?
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Yes, I sure do. Feel like you.
I too have been 20 years in same state.
Also, wanting to go....where....
Your story is sure familiar in thoughts.
I am still in limbo, haven't taken the leap as you have.
However, I do think as you in every part
I too wondered of Hometown where all are estranged from me.
The word so far is ostracizing to the max.
Even though I have 7 sisters under me and one brother.
4 daughters minus one.
Even the penpals have deserted me.
Guess, I am that bad
There are reasons for everything, of course.
I'm at a point of ...is it shock?.....or a fish out of water....whatever it's mind boggling if you dwell into the deep ocean of why's, you can bury yourself in too deep and forget you don't know how to swim.
Why I long to move away somewhere else.......
As you and now you too are lost as ever, trying to find something lost and not knowing the road less traveled to finish this crazy race with finding humane interaction at a age no one wants to face the look and feel of it all the grandchildren
also cold too far removed from you
There has to be more somewhere, this desert is all too consuming some who are facing it alone without a partner to turn to. I believe causes one to feel less with too much time on your hands. No rule books, all hiding in shame or busy with traveling
Good Lord, have I dumped the can of worms all over the damn sidewalk!
Forgive me if I have offended anyone. For I do not mean to at all.
I'm waiting to find out too, the way to the happy fields of homelike the journey twhere it all went, is, has gone to, .must be another angle to this massive wave of no return. We were too busy to find out by the grandparents everyone avoided....hmmmm. 2 late now if only mom would had been kinder to her mother who died very much aline seems so sad that there is massive info for the young and mothers but nothing for us now.
8 have broke the barriers of staying too long at a POST. GRACEFULLY slipping away in embarressment...
 
Autumn72 said:
Yes, I sure do. Feel like you.
I too have been 20 years in same state.
Also, wanting to go....where....
Your story is sure familiar in thoughts.
I am still in limbo, haven't taken the leap as you have.
However, I do think as you in every part
I too wondered of Hometown where all are estranged from me.
The word so far is ostracizing to the max.
Even though I have 7 sisters under me and one brother.
4 daughters minus one.
Even the penpals have deserted me.
Guess, I am that bad
There are reasons for everything, of course.
I'm at a point of ...is it shock?.....or a fish out of water....whatever it's mind boggling if you dwell into the deep ocean of why's, you can bury yourself in too deep and forget you don't know how to swim.
Why I long to move away somewhere else.......
As you and now you too are lost as ever, trying to find something lost and not knowing the road less traveled to finish this crazy race with finding humane interaction at a age no one wants to face the look and feel of it all the grandchildren
also cold too far removed from you
There has to be more somewhere, this desert is all too consuming some who are facing it alone without a partner to turn to. I believe causes one to feel less with too much time on your hands. No rule books, all hiding in shame or busy with traveling
Good Lord, have I dumped the can of worms all over the damn sidewalk!
Forgive me if I have offended anyone. For I do not mean to at all.
I'm waiting to find out too, the way to the happy fields of homelike the journey where it all went, is, has gone to, .must be another angle to this massive wave of no return. We were too busy to find out by the grandparents everyone avoided....hmmmm. 2 late now if only mom would had been kinder to her mother who died very much alone seems so sad that there is massive info for the young and mothers but nothing for us now.
I have broke the barriers of staying too long at a POST. GRACEFULLY slipping away in embarressment...oh, yes, I just read the post about the person who started this thread, only
To runaway without a word from 2017. ..5 years ago. I now wonder where she is now. Wish she'd come back to us at least to find out she's OK, and what happened to her .....sad when they desert you like this.
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We are just coming out of a two year pandemic. It wouldn’t matter where you moved to. No place is quite its usual self, culture, atmosphere ( or how ever one would describe it).

Here in SC we have only begun in the last couple of months to restart all our local festivals, concerts, volunteer opportunities, etc. I think you should give it at least a full year at your new location. Experience all four seasons in your new home. Start putting down some roots.

If your town has a small locally published newspaper, subscribe to it. It’s where you will find out about all the events happening in your area that might be an opportunity to meet people. It’s where you will read about organizations that might interest you.

Get out and do some exploring in within 75-100 miles of your home. Expand your idea of what ‘home’ is.

Having said all that, I do think it is very difficult to make friends in our present culture no matter your age or where you live. You are not alone in struggling to find where you fit.

Give it a little more time. But if eventually you feel the new place is not a good fit then give yourself permission to move on.
 
@MountainRa
It is always okay to respond to an old thread, like this one, with your ideas that are valuable to anyone,
but yes,
definitely get into the routine of looking at the dates of the posts you might reply to.

Often the original poster (OP) who began the thread, is no longer posting or reading or replying. They may have left the thread, or the entire forum, long ago.

Often though, others in similar situations,
have responded more recently,
which is what brought the thread up in the sections you would now notice them.

That is what happened on this thread, yesterday.
Present members who posted above, in the last 2 days.

So your very good response post was/is very valuable to anyone of them,
to the member who posted yesterday, and also, to any of us who read your post. It gives ideas to others, so it is not wasted.
 
I'm not a Buddhist but I think Buddha said that "happiness comes from within". Having said that, I would not stay in a place that you hate. Life is too short for that. Anyway, if you are retired, then you are not a "wage slave" and you can pick up and go. I'm a great music lover so I want you to listen to the following song that will tell you what happiness is since I feel that you are not happy now but would like to be:

 
Kaila said:
@MountainRa
It is always okay to respond to an old thread, like this one, with your ideas that are valuable to anyone,
but yes,
definitely get into the routine of looking at the dates of the posts you might reply to.

Often the original poster (OP) who began the thread, is no longer posting or reading or replying. They may have left the thread, or the entire forum, long ago.

Often though, others in similar situations,
have responded more recently,
which is what brought the thread up in the sections you would now notice them.

That is what happened on this thread, yesterday.
Present members who posted above, in the last 2 days.

So your very good response post was/is very valuable to anyone of them,
to the member who posted yesterday, and also, to any of us who read your post. It gives ideas to others, so it is not wasted.
Click to expand...
Well, in that case thank you for your kind reply Kaila.
You certainly made my day
 

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