My ex is having difficulties,

hawkdon

hawkdon

Well-known Member
Location
Liberty MO
with her Bi-Polar issues...got couple texts this week about it...(we're divorced 22 yrs I believe)..but apparently she went into an "episode" a few weeks ago, was not taking her meds (very bad) and was "living on the floor, literaly)....her daughter took her to doc and got her stabilized..she lives in "independant"
living place out in Utah, and her manager of the place has told her she cannot
live there if she needs a lot of help, I.E. nurse, sitter, help to lunchroom etc....so
don't know what will happen with her, hopefully her daughter/son will have a
way to intervene so she does not get put out to the street...ah well all I can do is pray for her.,,.,,,,, ,:confused:
 

hawkdon said:
She is apt to stop her meds any time she feels like it, which
is a major problem for her, as she goes into major swings of
the moods....
Click to expand...
I have a case a bit like this in my own family. It took a long time to get her reliably stable enough to live a somewhat normal life, but I still get weird calls from her at long intervals, Christmas cards with bizarre notes written in them, etc.

It is a very difficult thing.
 
Her kids need to find a way to ensure she is taking her medications. Sounds like she can't stay where she is if she cannot function at a certain level. If she keeps this up, the next stop is a nursing home.
 
I've been reading about bi polar disorder. And I concluded that such people do not tolerate loneliness well, and absolutely cannot stand to stay in one place, room, to be closed in any location. They're like free birds, suffocating in a cage, falling into severe depression. But when they're in free movement, traveling, they're happy. They are amazing people, but as I realized extremely unpredictable, and it is very difficult for those close relatives who surround them and take care of them.
 
hawkdon said:
with her Bi-Polar issues...got couple texts this week about it...(we're divorced 22 yrs I believe)..but apparently she went into an "episode" a few weeks ago, was not taking her meds (very bad) and was "living on the floor, literaly)....her daughter took her to doc and got her stabilized..she lives in "independant"
living place out in Utah, and her manager of the place has told her she cannot
live there if she needs a lot of help, I.E. nurse, sitter, help to lunchroom etc....so
don't know what will happen with her, hopefully her daughter/son will have a
way to intervene so she does not get put out to the street...ah well all I can do is pray for her.,,.,,,,, ,:confused:
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear. I'm sort-a, kind-a in the same boat, and had a "surprise" today I wasn't expecting.

I don't know if you've maintained some kind of relationship with her over the years. If yes, then yeah you get hooked in. If not, then the pendulum swings further toward her immediate family.

That said, you are well within your rights to say it's nothing to do with you, and there's nothing you can do. You'll likely feel sad, some sense of loss, and misery. Such as the vagaries of our hearts.

Is she a Mormon?
 
hawkdon said:
with her Bi-Polar issues...got couple texts this week about it...(we're divorced 22 yrs I believe)..but apparently she went into an "episode" a few weeks ago, was not taking her meds (very bad) and was "living on the floor, literaly)....her daughter took her to doc and got her stabilized..she lives in "independant"
living place out in Utah, and her manager of the place has told her she cannot
live there if she needs a lot of help, I.E. nurse, sitter, help to lunchroom etc....so
don't know what will happen with her, hopefully her daughter/son will have a
way to intervene so she does not get put out to the street...ah well all I can do is pray for her.,,.,,,,, ,:confused:
Click to expand...
Actually, if you have the means, you could do more than just pray for her. Maybe you could buy her a small RV to live in? I'm not saying you should or you must, and for all I know you cannot afford such an expense, even for a used one. But RVs are the life rafts of our economy and if her daughter could find a cheapish RV park for her to live in, all the better.
 
It's great that you're keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. In situations like this, it's often the best thing you can do. Her children are in a better position to make sure she has the support she needs. Hopefully, they can work with her and her healthcare providers to find a solution that allows her to stay in her independent living arrangement.
If you have any contact with your ex-wife's children, you could offer your support and let them know that you're thinking of them during this difficult time. Your concern and compassion are valuable even if you can't be there in person to help.

A guy we know from 20 years ago just showed up here yesterday. I was lucky enough to have been napping, but Misa talked with him. He is mentally ill, and Misa said it was useless trying to have discussion with him. THAT affected me. I felt bad for both of them for quite awhile. Bad news like this is something we can't escape. There are degrees of consternation about the problems. Some news can be devastating, some not so much. It seems to happen to quite a few SF members. I guess it also goes with getting older also. My Dad would say "It's always something".
 
hawkdon said:
Thanks vintage, but i do not have the funds to take care
of my ex, and she would not do well living by herself, in my
opinion, because then she would be able to hide her
behavior...her daughter is doing what she can I'm sure....
Click to expand...
I know. That is how it is for most of us. I was just throwing the idea out there.

I often tell young people who are in their prime earning years but have an elderly parent they are worried about that this time, their prime earning years, is when you buy your dependent adult a home or condo, put the title in your own name, and let mom or dad move in and do not charge them rent. I missed this opportunity in the insane, early 2000s when anyone with a pulse could buy real estate. I was afraid of such an insane market and w/o a spouse to lean on, I couldn't see how I could "carry" all the crazy family who were depending on me. Ended up being forced by circumstances into caring for them anyway, and it's left me a shell of my former self. Totally shellshocked.

But, I still tell the young people, especially those making $10,000+ a month now and they spend it on stupid ****, this is the time when you buy small RE for your aging and/or mentally ill/dementia-plagued loved ones. There's young techies out there making $200,000+ a year and they spend it on such stupid, wasteful stuff instead of planning for when their parents age and die.
 
hawkdon said:
She is apt to stop her meds any time she feels like it, which
is a major problem for her, as she goes into major swings of
the moods....
Click to expand...
Psych meds take a while to get to the levels needed to be effective. That also means it takes a while for the drug levels to fall off. So, if you stop taking a med, there's usually enough medication still in someone to keep working. That gives the illusion you may not need the med. Not taking meds-noncompliance, is a definite issue.
 

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