Ronni, your former husband and marriage sounds just like my daughter's former life. He sounds just like my former son-in-law. He even started taking blank checks from the middle of the checkbook and then my daughter would get overdrawn fees. She then gave me her checkbooks to hold for her and just kept a few checks to use. She finally threw in the towel on the marriage and divorced him, with nothing to her name and her credit in shreds. Sorry for what you went through.
I am so sorry about your daughter!
Having lived it, I know what hell it is. Thanks for understanding.
I was so traditional about marriage, having had it modeled for me by my Ozzie and Harriet style 50's parents. You were a dutiful wife, you supported your husband, you were loyal, etc. My parents' marriage as far as I know was good. They loved each other, Dad was definitely the boss, but not in a controlling or abusive way. They were together for 50+ years. That's what I thought I was doing, being a good wife, working on my marriage, and as it devolved, buying into the idea that it was all my fault, that I needed to work harder, if I could just do this or that right, or better, or at all, things would go much more smoothly. Plus there were kids, and I was very dedicated to keeping the family together for them. It took me a long time to see the light, and I've sometimes been criticized for that. But I've also spent a lot of time in counseling, and a lot of time educating myself about the dynamic of abuse and the psychology of the abuser, and when you're as controlled and dominated as I was, and so completely isolated, that you come to accept your life as "normal" however AB-normal it actually is.
There are many women who NEVER leave. I'm glad I did, even as long as it took me. My life and the lives of my children are so much better for it. They have no contact with their father, we're not even sure where he is at this point. He doesn't have much interest in these children he fathered or being a grandfather to his 10 grandkids. Ron is more grandpa to my grandkids than my ex is.
I hate the negative impact my ex is still having on my life in terms of my credit, my inability to retire because of finances, being a senior and still owning basically nothing. On the other hand, I shudder to think what my life would be like now if I'd stayed with him. No matter what, my life is incomparably improved being away from him.
Well, didn't mean to go off on that topic lol! I'm glad your daughter is OK PVC. <3