My heart is breaking, I am in great despair.

Here's hoping and praying that he will re-consider and move home with you for awhile. Try to convince him that it would only be temporary and that he needs to be in a positive environment right now. This isn't a case of some lazy lout, living in his parent's basement, it is therapy from a loving family concerned for his well being.

Finding a qualified therapist to deal with his situation is important as well. They are out there, so good luck in engaging one for your boy.🙏
 

IrishEyes said:
I say this with love, compassion and from my heart,
Times like this are so very tricky, You know what you want to do; protect him, love him, be there for him.
You know what you can't do because he is an adult; force him to you, make his decisions for him, keep him confined no
matter how much is done with love.
It's hard to know how to help an adult child when the parent is hurting too.
Having just removed himself from a horrible situation, maybe just maybe he needs time to heal himself without
others opinions or advice. Maybe he needs to learn how to stand on his own again.
Maybe the best thing is to just find out what he thinks he needs right now and go from there.
here is your hint "I am so sad - but do not know how to fix this."
answer: It is his to fix, If he reaches out to you, just listen, listen listen, allow him to figure it out.
My prayers will be with you and him.
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There is so much wisdom in your words, thank you.
 
Gardenlover said:
His partner is out on 40K bond, at 10% so 4K
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I only know the rules to be followed while out on bond in Pennsylvania.

Have your son file for a PFA order. It’s only a piece of paper to some, but it does carry some weight. If he violates any of the rules of the PFA, he will be arrested and may not be given bail here in PA.
 
There are many similarities with what my son went through a couple years ago. He fell and injured his back, bad. He has 5 kids to support, and he couldn't work sometimes. Then his wife of 10 years leaves them for a man at their church! Then he finds out that his teen age adopted son had been abusing his daughter. I saw a picture of him at this time, he looked pretty sad and depressed.

You must be thinking about him a lot. Now you have hundreds of people thinking about him and they are sending their best to him.
 
Gosh! I do not know what to say. He definitely needs some tender, loving care and maybe living with you is just the right environment he needs right now. He needs an environment to be as supportive as possible. Too bad he’s too embarrassed to move in with you. Hopefully you can change his mind.
 
I am going to do something I almost never do: Give strong advice.

He needs to leave, remove himself from the vicinity, go far away, or at least be somewhere with others who can protect him. The most dangerous time is when the abused person is trying to get away. The abuser will do everything they can to stop them leaving.

I know this from personal experience. The only reason I am alive today is because a bystander intervened. That piece of paper is a worthless POS. Law enforcement is also basically worthless. My perp was sentenced to 3-5 years when convicted of Assault With Intent to Do Great Bodily Harm and Having Done Great Bodily Harm. In this state, the judge can revisit the sentence at 90 days. He did so and changed the sentence to time served. 90 days. I, the victim, have served a lifetime. It changed me AND my children.

He is now in shock. In time, that will turn to anger. Over the years, that may get better. Others have told me that I need to forgive. No, I will never forgive him. My response is (40 years later), "I cannot forgive him. That is God's job."

Please, Lord, protect this person and all those who suffer from the same, from evil. Guide him into safety.
 
Would your son consider self-defence training? When something bad happens to a woman, they often suggest it. Basically they teach you how to fight dirty. It’s been a lot of years since I took it.
 

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