My heart is breaking, I am in great despair.

[Gardenlover]

I cannot bring myself to discuss what has happened, my youngest son has been hurt beyond words physically, emotionally, and mentally by his partner. My son almost lost his life due to violence. He is suffering PTSD, self medicating and in a downward spiral. No one has the answer, I'm not sure why I'm even posting this, I am so sad - but do not know how to fix this.

 

[hollydolly]

I cannot bring myself to discuss what has happened, my youngest son has been hurt beyond words physically, emotionally, and mentally by his partner. My son almost lost his life due to violence. He is suffering PTSD, self medicating and in a downward spiral. No one has the answer, I'm not sure why I'm even posting this, I am so sad - but do not know how to fix this.

OMG GL..I'm shocked, and upset for you that your precious son has had to endure this violence in his relationship from the person who he loves/ed..or is supposed to love him..

This is terrible.. is he in hospital, how badly injured is he ? ..most importantly is he away from his abuser now ?

 

[Luce]

I cannot bring myself to discuss what has happened, my youngest son has been hurt beyond words physically, emotionally, and mentally by his partner. My son almost lost his life due to violence. He is suffering PTSD, self medicating and in a downward spiral. No one has the answer, I'm not sure why I'm even posting this, I am so sad - but do not know how to fix this.

I am so sorry to hear this.

Is he safe at the moment at least?

 

[Gardenlover]

It happened a few months ago, he was able to escape his home with bruises and cuts from a butcher knife, police were called. Typically stable, but now full of fear and anxiety, drinking heavily and quit going to work.

 

[LoveTulips]

I hope your son recovers. I also hope he has filed a police report on his abuser partner.

 

[Luce]

It happened a few months ago, he was able to escape his home with bruises and cuts from a butcher knife, police were called. Typically stable, but now full of fear and anxiety.

I can believe that. Nobody goes through a violent attack and comes out of it the same as they were before.

If I'm overstepping, say so, but the best thing to do is have him talk to his doctor. His doctor will steer him toward the kind of therapy that will save him years of the horrors. It won't FIX it, but it does tend to make it more manageable.

 

[seadoug]

I'm shocked to hear this news. I'm just glad he got out of this relationship. I've mentioned in previous threads that I was in a toxic relationship with a guy who was jealous and violent. I went to work one day with a black eye. I was fortunate that he just packed up and left after a year. Hubby worked for a non-profit that benefitted victims of domestic abuse. An entire facility was allocated to men... especially gay men who had been abused.

It sounds like the abuse he suffered was horrible. I can't even imagine. My only advice is that he seek help from a therapist. They can sometimes be miracle-workers when it comes to overcoming PTSD. I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this! Please do keep us updated.

 

[Gardenlover]

His partner is out on 40K bond, at 10% so 4K

 

[Gardenlover]

I'm shocked to hear this news. Does he have a way to get out of this relationship? I've mentioned in previous threads that I was in a toxic relationship with a guy who was jealous and violent. I went to work with a black eye one day. I was fortunate that he just packed up and left after a year.

Does your son have a place to go? My hubby worked for a non-profit that served victims of domestic violence. They actually had a facility for men because so many gay men go through this. Please tell me he can get out.

I asked him to come live with us, as the house he just bought a year ago on his birthday is now toxic. He denied, not wanting to be the 30+ year old living in his parents basement.

 

[Gardenlover]

His partner is out of the picture for now, hopefully forever. Thanks for your prayers and well wishes.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

I am so sorry this is happening to your son! I hope that something good will happen to intervene in your son's downward spiral; also that will allow him to escape that terrible situation permanently (for real). What a difficult thing for you to witness. Once again...so sorry!

 

[Muskrat]

I am very sorry your family is dealing with this. I have no words…just wishes you all heal and thrive.

 

[CinnamonSugar]

((Gentle hugs)) @Gardenlover we are here for you

 

[Jules]

As a parent this is tearing you apart as well. Maybe try again to convince him to stay with you just to have a change of scenery, even if for a short while. Remind him your door is always open for as long as he wants.

 

[RadishRose]

I cannot bring myself to discuss what has happened, my youngest son has been hurt beyond words physically, emotionally, and mentally by his partner. My son almost lost his life due to violence. He is suffering PTSD, self medicating and in a downward spiral. No one has the answer, I'm not sure why I'm even posting this, I am so sad - but do not know how to fix this.

Gardy, I'm so very sad to learn of your son's dilemma! Sending prayer for his safety and healing.
All you can do is assure him of your love and affection. I believe that will help him more than you might realize. Many hugs to you, my dear friend

 

[Blessed]

It is more than clear that he needs you at this time. Please let him know that this is the time that he needs to accept that he needs extra help to deal with the situation.

There is no shame, no embarrassment for him to come home while he deals with the situation at hand. It may take some time to sort out the situation.

I would expect my son to come home for a while if he and his wife were to split up. He would need time to heal and put his life together to move forward in confidence, his mental and physical health is the most important thing at this time.

 

[jujube]

A parent's worst nightmare....their child suffering and not be able to solve their problems. I'm wishing you strength to share that strength with him.

 

[Tish]

So very sorry for your son, sending prayers and healing energy.

 

[smiley]

any close reliable loving friends?? - for your son that is?

 

[Pinky]

My heart breaks for your son, and, for you. I hope that he decides to stay with you for awhile. He will need your love and moral support.

 

[hearlady]

I cannot bring myself to discuss what has happened, my youngest son has been hurt beyond words physically, emotionally, and mentally by his partner. My son almost lost his life due to violence. He is suffering PTSD, self medicating and in a downward spiral. No one has the answer, I'm not sure why I'm even posting this, I am so sad - but do not know how to fix this.

Oh GL, you are posting it here because you are our friend and we'll be here for you. I'm so sorry.

 

[IrishEyes]

I say this with love, compassion and from my heart,
Times like this are so very tricky, You know what you want to do; protect him, love him, be there for him.
You know what you can't do because he is an adult; force him to you, make his decisions for him, keep him confined no
matter how much is done with love.
It's hard to know how to help an adult child when the parent is hurting too.
Having just removed himself from a horrible situation, maybe just maybe he needs time to heal himself without
others opinions or advice. Maybe he needs to learn how to stand on his own again.
Maybe the best thing is to just find out what he thinks he needs right now and go from there.
here is your hint "I am so sad - but do not know how to fix this."
answer: It is his to fix, If he reaches out to you, just listen, listen listen, allow him to figure it out.
My prayers will be with you and him.

 

[bobcat]

Even if there isn't much you can do, it sometimes helps to unburden when you're among others who care and try to offer comfort.
If I were to offer any advice, it would be for you to remain a stabilizing force in his life (Something he can hang on to).
Whenever possible, do things with him (Assuming you live near him), even seemingly trivial ones that resemble a quiet normal life. Pick up a deli sandwich and go to the park (Good place to talk), go for a ride, or maybe ask him to help you plant some plants. He needs to re-learn what it's like to live normally.

If he makes bad choices, try not to become an enabler. Excessive drinking or self-medicating never solves anything, it just adds another problem to the one you already have. Try to help him see that there is hope, and a way forward. In the end, all you can do is your best, and the rest will be up to him.

Take care of yourself as well. It's very distressing to watch your child in trouble and feel powerless, but try not to dwell on the negatives. Hopefully he feels comfortable talking with you and sharing his emotions and what he is going through. You want to keep that communication open. There are no guarantees because a lot is up to him, but you never know what little element can turn things around. It may be something as simple as seeing an old photo that reminds him of a happier time in life, and he may want that back again.

 

[hollydolly]

How old is he, GL ?

 

[Oldeagle66]

I feel your pain but he has to man up and leave. My ex wife was violent and she went overboard once and slashed me in the neck with a knife. It only gets worse. There is not enough love in the world or saying 'sorry'.

I had her arrested and didn't bail her out and moved while she was in jail. Never looked back. She ended living a short a terrible life. I hope he sees light now. Please convince him to leave.