My mother, age 95, says she wants to live to be a 100. Why? Why does anyone want to be that old? How long do you want to live and why?

Geezerette said:
Aneeda, , if things are that bad between you& your mother that you’re not seeing her, why not just cut ties with her, don’t accept calls, mail, whatever. If you still think it’s necessary to contribute financially to her, get it set up to be administered by a third party. There are ways to do that. And let go of this emotional burden.
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Yup, my children say the same thing. I don’t help her financially. Money is birthdays etc. I accept her calls because she is my mother. I tried not accepting her calls but the guilt was overwhelming. She’s an old lady, sigh. Rock and hard place. Dad disappeared when I was 19, and died without my ever seeming him again. Lol, this thread is so off topic.
 

Aneeda72 said:
She can barely walk, she is nearly blind. She refuses assisted living or a nursing home, although I can understand the nursing home thing. She’s fallen in the bath tub and broke stuff. She often has to be hospitalized. She does not feel good. I just don’t understand.
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I would imagine that she is afraid of dying....
 
My Mom passed away at 72.....My Dad passed at 87 on Christmas Eve....I am older now then my Mom.....I'm in my seventies...
Don't know when I will pass....I'm not ready yet!!! My husband is still alive....So whatever will be....will be....
 
peppermint said:
My Mom passed away at 72.....My Dad passed at 87 on Christmas Eve....I am older now then my Mom.....I'm in my seventies...
Don't know when I will pass....I'm not ready yet!!! My husband is still alive....So whatever will be....will be....
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my mother died at 39...I was 18 ... I felt sure I would die at the same age, completely convinced of it

I was terrified as 39 approached and my own daughter was the same age as I'd been when my own mum had died but unlike me , she was an only child, no siblings and me a divorced parent..so just me and her .
I was praying to all the gods not to leave her motherless ... I can't tell you how relieved I was when 39 came and went ...and I got into my 40's , and now my daughter is 44 years old in a few days time.. and with any luck I will reach 65 in just 8 days from now.. .. 26 years older than my mum .

for me, I just want to live as long as I'm not in pain and have my mental faculties still...otherwise... regardless of age, if I'm in severe pain and or a burden on my daughter , just pull the plug,
 
hollydolly said:
my mother died at 39...I was 18 ... I felt sure I would die at the same age, completely convinced of it

I was terrified as 39 approached and my own daughter was the same age as I'd been when my own mum had died but unlike me , she was an only child, no siblings and me a divorced parent..so just me and her .
I was praying to all the gods not to leave her motherless ... I can't tell you how relieved I was when 39 came and went ...and I got into my 40's , and now my daughter is 44 years old in a few days time.. and with any luck I will reach 65 in just 8 days from now.. .. 26 years older than my mum .

for me, I just want to live as long as I'm not in pain and have my mental faculties still...otherwise... regardless of age, if I'm in severe pain and or a burden on my daughter , just pull the plug,
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That must have been so frightening for you, really sorry you went through that.
 
At 86 I don't give it much thought. Reasonably it's fairly close and spending much time thinking about it won't speed it up or slow it down. It was easier to make statements back in my 60's and early 70's when the end seemed so far down the road.

It'll happen one f these days and hopefully it won't be a lingering matter. With this new virus around every corner, some of us might be on the way out and not even know it yet, whether we're healthy of otherwise?
 
Aneeda72 said:
She can barely walk, she is nearly blind. She refuses assisted living or a nursing home, although I can understand the nursing home thing. She’s fallen in the bath tub and broke stuff. She often has to be hospitalized. She does not feel good. I just don’t understand.
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Okay, your children decide that you should die today, because you are a burden? Is that acceptable? What happened to judge not lest you be judge with the same measure you judge others?

I don't think so, so why should "You" even attempt to determine someone else' end date? Pathetic, no matter the history.
 
Gardenlover said:
Okay, your children decide that you should die today, because you are a burden? Is that acceptable? What happened to judge not lest you be judge with the same measure you judge others?

I don't think so, so why should "You" even attempt to determine someone else' end date? Pathetic, no matter the history.
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Sigh. It seems like you are attacking. Why? I don‘t care how long she lives. I never said she was a burden. And since she is as sharp as a tack she has control of her life. She lives far away from me In a different state.

I am curious as to why, in her condition, she wants to or why anyone in her age group in poor health would want to live to be a 100. Today is all about how good our lives can be, not how long we can live. You don‘t get a prize for longetivity.

But for your information, we have all tried really hard to get her to agree to an assisted living situation. Where she will be physically safer. We have not ever tried or suggested she enter a nursing home. She refuses. But laying in a bathtub with a broken ankle until a housekeeper shows up. Yup, apparently she is good with doing that.

Age does not bring wisdom. Oh, and judge not less you be judged, does not apply.
 
@Gardenlover
In case you missed this which I’ve said on several posts I am DNR/DNI. A living will, my children do not have to make any decisions. I will not be a burden. And I’ve already paid for my burial, my husbands, and my two disabled sons, and my non disabled son. Any more questions? 🤣
 
If I live to 100.. I will outlive several people in my life... possibly my hubby, older sister,my sons and brother and a few close friends. However, if I am in pretty good health, not on medication to keep me alive, in my right frame of mind.. I may can handle 100. My prayer is that whatever age I pass away, I pass away in my sleep. And I feel in my heart, that is the way I will go and I am fine with that. I do not want to stay alive on a machine nor different meds that break down my body. May we all enjoy the life we have left and allow tomorrow to take care of itself
 
Aneeda72 said:
Yup, my children say the same thing. I don’t help her financially. Money is birthdays etc. I accept her calls because she is my mother. I tried not accepting her calls but the guilt was overwhelming. She’s an old lady, sigh. Rock and hard place. Dad disappeared when I was 19, and died without my ever seeming him again. Lol, this thread is so off topic.
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Speaking from personal experience I can say that extending forgiveness to your mother will release you from her power over you. I refused to forgive my grandmother, cut her out of my life and years after she was dead I regretted my stubbornness very much. In fact I was haunted by my memory of her. Eventually I found a way to atone in a symbolic way and I was free of bad memories and guilt. Look deep within you to find a way to let go of the pain she has caused and to forgive her everything. Do it while she still lives. You will set both you and your mother free at the same time. I wish you peace to your heart and to your mind.
 

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