My parents should not have had children

[Mr. Ed]

Looking back I realize my parents had no business bringing new life Into this world.I suspect this may be true with a lot of ill-equipped parents not having clue on raising children and failing miserably at it. My dad, the preacher who desired the spotlight and recognition over the family he helped to create.This is the man who confided to me on his death bed blamed his wife, my mother, she made him feel like a child only because she was smarter than him, so he stayed away and missed out on raising my brothers and me.

My mother, worked at a good paying job, bought stocks from the company and gave my brothers and I a nice inheritance.In spite of her success she wanted to be recognized for her work and dedication in church where my dad preached, but never happened.

My dad, the narcissistic craved attention seeker he was, prearranged his own funeral calling it a celebration of life. He hand picked among people he had known through the churches he pastored and the Southern Baptist Convention to lead the service in his last effort to stand out and be noticed. The rebel I am refused to stand and pay tribute to weak, self-absorbed, hypocritical man he was.

Given what I know about my skills as parent, we should not have had children either. I was just as absent as my father, battling mental illness.By the time I was functioning enough to know my faults as a parent, our daughters were grown and moved away. I still make mistakes like slamming my daughter's new boyfriend she brought over to for us to meet in an email, she had her boyfriend to read. They have been together 6 months now and she still hasn't forgiven me and refuses to include him in conversations with her mother or me.

My youngest daughter is also in relationship with a nice man, she is happy and he and I get along with each other great. Still I wish I could have enjoyed my daughters when they were young.

 

[Warrigal]

@Mr. Ed

You write well. I suggest you write each of your daughters a long love letter, telling them how much you love them and how much you realise how your past behaviour as a father must have hurt them. Ask for forgiveness but do not blame anyone else for your mistakes.

I learnt long ago that the secret of deepening relationships is to tell someone how you feel in a loving way. Start gently and wait for opportunities to talk one on one. Don't push it if the response is angry. Absorb the anger and any hurt it causes. Wait awhile and see if you can continue to communicate about feelings.

Remember, your daughters are worth the effort to strengthen any ties that you have with them.

 

[Aunt Bea]

I get it!

In my family they say the men make better uncles than they do fathers.

I don’t think that my parents should have gotten married either and today they probably wouldn’t have but it was a different time, different social pressures, etc…

The good news is that grandparents often get a chance to set things right.

 

[Remy]

Well Mr. Ed, you have insight many don't.

 

[Paco Dennis]

After my Mom died my Father started drinking heavy. I was 13, and on a couple of occasions had to drive him home. He was almost totally absent for me and my younger brother. It left deep scars in us both, but he stopped drinking years after we had left home. We leaned how to love him again, and remembered him as the really great person he was. You never know, and every situation is differet and usually quite dramatic. I couldn't use the word "shouldn't" because the universe doesn't behave that way. We don't have hardly any choice in the matter.

 

[officerripley]

Well Mr. Ed, you have insight many don't.

I agree. On some bad days, I think there are more people who are not fit to be parents than there are people who are fit for it. I know neither of my parents were fit for it and neither were the 2 siblings I knew. (There's 1 half-brother out there I've never met; who knows about him.)

And looking deep inside myself, I realized I wasn't fit for it either so I became a Childless Dog Lady.

 

[Muskrat]

Dear Ed…if only “fit” parents had children there would be far far less of us. Most parents struggle with their own needs against those of their children. Most children survive…only to have the same struggles.