Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, love, suggestions. I'm sorry I'm not responding to each individually.
He doesn't do social media. He has a facebook but he hasn't posted in many years and doesn't keep up with it. He doesn't do Instagram, Groups, Tik Tok, Snap Chat, YouTube, Twitter etc. He games online, and is connected to his gamer friends through Discord, but he hasn't been on since several days before he disappeared.
He has a debit card but no credit cards. He had a credit card many years ago but fell into the trap of using it indiscriminately and got himself into debt. Took him several years to climb out of that hole and he's never been tempted since.
I've been struggling with the way he left, obviously wanting no-one to know that he was gone, or what his plans were. If he doesn't want to be found, either he's already dead or he's ghosted himself so completely that tracking him is impossible. Last time I checked with the police there was no money trail, no card usage. They haven't found him in jail, hospital or morgue, or if they have found him and he's alive to request that I not be told, then I won't know.
A friend of mine has a son who's actively involved with the homeless community in this area, and the son has been asking around, showing my son's picture, checking in with the homeless folk in case anyone there has seen him.
A couple of dear friends of the family, young people with a couple of kids, who live in this area, are also checking low rent motels in the area, showing my son's picture, just as they go about their errands and running around.
I am slowly working my way through the tiny house where my son lived, cleaning and looking for any clues. He left the place a mess which is an indication of his mental state. He's never been a fastidious housekeeper but he let slide a couple things that Ron had specifically asked him to keep up with to preserve the integrity of the interior. In the scheme of things that's so minor, but does give an indication that he was dysfunctional in some manner.
I am dreading the holidays coming up. My niece is flying in from Salt Lake to spend Thanksgiving with us, and we have around 25 people who will be attending our Thanksgiving celebration....most are family because we have a large one, but several other folks too. My missing son's birthday is on the 10th December, which we always have a a big family celebration for, as we do for all the kids. And then there's Christmas just around the corner. I don't want to deal with any of it. I want it all to just go away.
I will of course celebrate these things, because shutting down isn't doing me any good. I don't need to wallow or give in to despair. Nor do I need to be depriving my kids and grands of these seasonal celebrations that they love so much. It will give me something to focus on other than my son who is MIA and I need that external focus, because I'm way too much in my head. My thoughts are obsessively ricocheting around about the thousand what ifs and scenarios surrounding his disappearance.
This sucks, folks.