Needs some Much Needed Advice in desperate Times

[Sunflower52]

My middle aged son was diagnosed with cancer . Him and his wife came to break the news Tony’s. I have 6 sisters and 1 brother who dearly love my son. I asked his permission to tell my family. Tgey both agreed it was ok. . The next day I spoke to my Daughter in law and to,d her I spoke to my family but in error I misspoke To my Daughter in law and sad liver cancer but I didn’t say that to my family because , only to DIL. I knew he never had cancer of the liver . Again it was a misspoken word Only to my DIL. And not to my family.

The next day I received a nasty text from my son saying “ how dare you tell your sisters, I wanted to tell them, and how dare you tell them I have Liver cancer. I responded. You gave me permission and I didn’t tell my family you had liver cancer. Apparently my DIL went running to my son. .

Now today he’s going to learn what type of cancer, his prognosis, and tge stage but said he’s not going to tell me anything.
His wife is taking a 3 week vacation. And my sons gone to get the results by himself
How do I go on not knowing how my son is doing , what’s his prognosis. And what type. My family are anxiously waiting. I’m too embarrassed to admit that hat my sons not going to tell me anything.

 

[Paco Dennis]

Are you on speaking terms with your son? He probably is going to need his own space to process this shocking diagnosis. It might take him some time, depending on his prognosis, to talk with you about it. I am sorry that your dealing with this complicated and worrisome issue.

 

[caramel]

How do I go on not knowing how my son is doing , what’s his prognosis. And what type.

I'm sure you'll find out. Since your son texted you to tell you that he wanted to tell your siblings in his own time, he probably will tell them. Then you can find out what's going on through them.

 

[Sunflower52]

Yes we’re on speaking terms but I think itcwas a mutual decision by him and his wife who I get along with quite. Nicely , to ykeep out of the loop. . My DziL is intensly private. But how do y you oh keep cancer a secret from Tge family ? It’s totally reficukius. Myself and my son always had a close mother Don bond.

 

[January]

I guess he has the right to decide how much he wants to share about it.

Doesn't sound like he is keeping it a secret, just not sharing all the details with everybody.

Just tell all your family who are anxiously waiting that he isn't ready to tell them everything yet.

 

[Sunflower52]

I'm sure you'll find out. Since your son texted you to tell you that he wanted to tell your siblings in his own time, he probably will tell them. Then you can find out what's going on through them.

My problem is my family is always inquiring. About his condition me. How do I say I have no idea.

 

[January]

Just say you don't know further details, he isn't ready to share them with everybody yet.

 

[January]

I don't think this is the thread to espouse our own thoughts on medical practitioners, cancer treatments, pharmacies etc.
Sunflower isn't making decisions on treatment or asking our opinion about treatment but about how to deal with her family situation.

 

[dobielvr]

It's a mistake to have the pharma chemical cartel to "treat" the so called diseases, like cancer.
For cancer is not a disease, but rather a condition that is caused by toxic pollution in the body.
The solution is not to poison the toxic pollution, which thereby would create more toxic pollution,
but rather to cleanse the previous toxic pollution out of the body - which chemical cartels never do.

Students were required to get a "health" exam done by a cartel member, prior to attending a university.
The cartel member said I had cancer, then another cartel member kept calling me to "just check it out."
I kept telling him that I was not interested and that I was healthy and fine but he kept on calling me up.
So finally I went in and he "tested" me and said that I had 4th stage cancer and would probably be dead in a month,
UNLESS I had surgery, radiation treatments, and chemotherapy.

I said that is nonsense. What are my chances if I do all that you're saying? He said 50% of living 5 years.
So I said, what are my chances if I don't do any of that? He looked surprised and said, well nothing, you'll be dead.
I said, do you have any studies from people that refused the treatments? He said no, because no one has ever refused.

No one has ever refused? That was nonsense. That's when I knew he was lying about everything.
So I told him, I'm not going to do any of that, so anyone who comes in from now on, tell them that the only way
to have a 100% chance of surviving is to not do any of that! I turned around, walked out and never went back.

That was in 1978, which was 46 years ago. I'm still healthy, have never had any serious health problems and am fine.

Doctors are liars. They don't care about anyone but themselves and their profits, regardless the harm they do to anyone.
As far as I know, all of those three greedy cartel members who tried to delude and destroy my life are all dead.

Make your own choices. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind.
I'm trying to help people to make their own choices, and to not be deluded by the greedy chemical corporations.

You sound like one of the lucky ones..

Did you ever get a second opinion?

 

[John cycling]

You sound like one of the lucky ones..
Did you ever get a second opinion?

A second opinion from whom? I did say that I wanted one, so he called in a third cartel member, who scoffed at me,
said it was going to spread into my lymph nodes, my liver and my lungs and that I'd be dead in two weeks. Then he stormed
out of the room. That's when I decided to walk out and leave.

Funny, I was running 14 miles a day at the time, continued to do so and ran a couple of marathons soon after that.
I've never in my life had any trouble with my lymph nodes, my liver, nor my lungs. They were simply flat out lying to me.

 

[caramel]

My problem is my family is always inquiring. About his condition me. How do I say I have no idea.

From what you posted in another thread on this forum, you seem to have quite a few ideas about your son's diagnosis. This is what you posted in this thread. Serious Family Health Issue

To watch my sons face, the loss of so much weight in such a short period of time . We know there’s something suspicious showing on his lung and spleen and tumour is behind tbe liver, the size of a baseball and tbe cancer is aggressive.

 

[papa tiger]

Why not just write a nice card to him. Tell Him what you told us. Auto spell just said the wrong words. That you are so sorry seri was just beign a bitch that day. He will most likely laugh it off
in a couple of weeks. He will have had time to digest the good from the bad.

You know the spoken words, He doesn’t know if “he’ll live or die,” can be miss understood. Seri wrote it for if and Hell for He’ll. I ask my wife to slow down all the time when she is all
excited about something. Seri wrote She’s for my “she is”. I would like to cram Ai up someone’s
buttox. It sure doesn’t have much heart! Maybe SLO down some too.

 

[dobielvr]

A second opinion from whom? I did say that I wanted one, so he called in a third cartel member, who scoffed at me,
said it was going to spread into my lymph nodes, my liver and my lungs and that I'd be dead in two weeks. Then he stormed
out of the room. That's when I decided to walk out and leave.

Funny, I was running 14 miles a day at the time, continued to do so and ran a couple of marathons soon after that.
I've never in my life had any trouble with my lymph nodes, my liver, nor my lungs. They were simply flat out lying to me.

My mistake...thought he was a doctor of some sort.
That was a horrible thing to do to you! Glad you're ok.

 

[Sunflower52]

From what you posted in another thread on this forum, you seem to have quite a few ideas about your son's diagnosis. This is what you posted in this thread. Serious Family Health Issue

No I don’t have “ guite a few ideas of my sons diagnosis” it’s more accurate to suggest I have challenges dealing with decisions made by our son and his wife that negatively impacted myself and husbands mental well being during one of the most painful period of our lives . Decisions I strongly feel are unnnessary and made for all the wrong reasons which has made this situation more difficult than it should have been. Trying to navigate around a situation where we’re so helpless .

 

[oldman]

Sounds like your son has some maturity problems with growing up. Maybe you should remind him he is an adult and needs to act like one. If he has bad news today, he's going to need you and his family for support.

For now, I would lay back and as anxious as you will be, do nothing. He will come around sooner or later. Every boy or man needs his mommy sooner or later. I took a 44 y/o man to prison from his county jail and he said to me on the way there, "I wish my Mom was here with me right now. I always felt better about bad things when she was around to tell me everything was going to be OK."

 

[VintageBetter]

My middle aged son was diagnosed with cancer . Him and his wife came to break the news Tony’s. I have 6 sisters and 1 brother who dearly love my son. I asked his permission to tell my family. Tgey both agreed it was ok. . The next day I spoke to my Daughter in law and to,d her I spoke to my family but in error I misspoke To my Daughter in law and sad liver cancer but I didn’t say that to my family because , only to DIL. I knew he never had cancer of the liver . Again it was a misspoken word Only to my DIL. And not to my family.

The next day I received a nasty text from my son saying “ how dare you tell your sisters, I wanted to tell them, and how dare you tell them I have Liver cancer. I responded. You gave me permission and I didn’t tell my family you had liver cancer. Apparently my DIL went running to my son. .

Now today he’s going to learn what type of cancer, his prognosis, and tge stage but said he’s not going to tell me anything.
His wife is taking a 3 week vacation. And my sons gone to get the results by himself
How do I go on not knowing how my son is doing , what’s his prognosis. And what type. My family are anxiously waiting. I’m too embarrassed to admit that hat my sons not going to tell me anything.

I'm so sorry. That's just awful.

I think it is a generational CLASH that you are dealing with. I'm a Boomer and in my birth family, people knew each other's business. My mom was always talking and writing her siblings in the East. My dad was not close with his family, but he had a hobby in which he was always communicating to fellow hobbyists every weekend.

I just think we are a TALKY generation.

NOW, oh my God, the communication preferences of the young people today!

I'm thinking of my own kids and yup, I think if any of them had a serious illness they would have a very precise and specific Method of Informing Others and one big chunk of it would be online only. They do this to have a sense of control over the bad news. Understandable.

You or I might pick up the phone or, so modern , send an e-mail.

Younger folks, I am told, HATE email and are not crazy about talking on the phone either. They use social media.

Me, I am not on any of the Big Three - F-book, X-twitter or Insta-hooey. So there is no doubt much that goes on in my kids' lives that I don't know about because I hate so many Zuckerberg products. I think X-twitter, like most of them, is a big time waste.

I think you have to tell someone what happened, maybe just one sister. But then, give your son time. You meant no harm - you were just Acting Like an Older Person and that is not a crime!

Just give it time. It's so brand new. Give it time and do a Google search to learn more about your son's generation.

 

[VaughanJB]

My middle aged son was diagnosed with cancer . Him and his wife came to break the news Tony’s. I have 6 sisters and 1 brother who dearly love my son. I asked his permission to tell my family. Tgey both agreed it was ok. . The next day I spoke to my Daughter in law and to,d her I spoke to my family but in error I misspoke To my Daughter in law and sad liver cancer but I didn’t say that to my family because , only to DIL. I knew he never had cancer of the liver . Again it was a misspoken word Only to my DIL. And not to my family.

The next day I received a nasty text from my son saying “ how dare you tell your sisters, I wanted to tell them, and how dare you tell them I have Liver cancer. I responded. You gave me permission and I didn’t tell my family you had liver cancer. Apparently my DIL went running to my son. .

Now today he’s going to learn what type of cancer, his prognosis, and tge stage but said he’s not going to tell me anything.
His wife is taking a 3 week vacation. And my sons gone to get the results by himself
How do I go on not knowing how my son is doing , what’s his prognosis. And what type. My family are anxiously waiting. I’m too embarrassed to admit that hat my sons not going to tell me anything.

I realize it's difficult, but I can't help thinking that at time like this, it's not about you. Your son is under enormous doubt and pressure. Who can fathom the fear, desperation, and horror or having to wait for results for something like this? His mind is going to be all over the place. His emotions are going to rising and falling, and depending on what he's told next, his entire life could be time-boxed. Saying he has anxiety wouldn't come close to describing it.

So I say, if he is - essentially - asking you to step back, then do so. His feelings are going to change a lot over the time it takes to get a diagnosis and treatment, and I'm sure he'll come back around. What you don't want to do is increase his stress. Give him room, give him time. If you have a God, pray to him. But I would follow your sons wishes.