New Widower Octogenarian from Michigan
- Thread starter sparty60
- Start date
feywon
Well-known Member
- Location
- Rural North Central NM
I like that so many of us have common sense and frequently recommend consulting doctor. But we will share how various treatments worked for us and sometimes suggest getting 2nd opinions... right, and the professionals whose posts we can draw from. I've met an attorney (I think), a physicist, a computer expert, I don't know what all. And the health-related information has been priceless.
Women's concerns are still not always taken seriously enough by male docs (and some females ones) and you have to be proactive if you feel something is 'not right'. Despite living in small town i've been fortunate to get some good ones. But then the clinic is affiliated with a state wide hospital and clinic chain they can even airlift emergency patients to city by helicopter if need be.
sparty60
New Member
Thanks for the welcome, I find it amusing, as a newbie, when you get a post, you look at the avatar, and, You wonder who that could be, kinda supports the whole purpose of the forum, right
You really don’t know anyone.
sparty60
New Member
With my medical background, and my wife’s reason for passing, breast cancer recurrence after 12 years, I am privy to information that hasn’t’ even been discussed with women, initially treated for breast cancer, and they think they’re OK and their not. There is a possible answer, but, all of the medical experts, have yet to put it out there. I was told by a wonderful women oncologist not to say anything, because they would worry about a recurrence. I have distributed a medical article regarding genetic testing, to over 50 women to date.
The Medical System currently can be very frustratin.
I in general disagree. You do get to know a person, even if it is only the side they choose to share here. This side you know, and know usually what to expect.You really don’t know anyone.
Widow of Vietnam Vet
Member
- Location
- Cohocton NY
Gruntlabor Thanks a lot-I had no idea how to update my profile!!!!!!!!!
The weather here is Miserable!!!! Rain, with a forecast of snow for Halloween-
This is part of my farm -45 acres and 6 acres across the road.
It goes up to about 2,000 or more above sea level. The aerial photos were supposed to be taken on 9-11-2001 but the pilot called me because he was prohibited from flying that day. I designed the barn myself -30 by 60 but it is hidden by the trees.
The fields up top are worked by a local dairy farmer and plenty of deer in two woodlots I have that also have a spring.
His cows come over to my backyard once in a while.
The weather here is Miserable!!!! Rain, with a forecast of snow for Halloween-
This is part of my farm -45 acres and 6 acres across the road.
It goes up to about 2,000 or more above sea level. The aerial photos were supposed to be taken on 9-11-2001 but the pilot called me because he was prohibited from flying that day. I designed the barn myself -30 by 60 but it is hidden by the trees.
The fields up top are worked by a local dairy farmer and plenty of deer in two woodlots I have that also have a spring.
His cows come over to my backyard once in a while.
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feywon
Well-known Member
- Location
- Rural North Central NM
No doubt. I was married to an RN for 7 yrs. Four of those and for another 3 after divorce he worked in a nursing home. Eventually the same personality problems (pathological liar among others) that ended the marriage got him fired. He got probation on charge of elder abuse but his Wyoming license was yanked. I felt it was just.
Couple of years later (a full 7 after our divorce) he had to appear in court again when i had to file a restraining order cause he was stalking me. Actually he had lot of mental health issues, unlikely they were ever fully addressed because our mental health system not the best either and so much depends on if the Doc can spot BS, notice inconsistencies in the stories.
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feywon
Well-known Member
- Location
- Rural North Central NM
Yes, but it takes time. We may figure out fairly quickly who we wish to spend time with or not based on general attitudes and values. But it takes time to tell if they walk their talk (and not doing so can be a deal breaker for me regarding any relationship).
Also we sometimes 'show' different sides of ourselves to family, neighbors, co-workers, service people. Being around someone and seeing how they treat others can give us a more complete view of who they are.
MarkD
Keeper of the Hounds & Garden
- Location
- San Francisco Bay Area
As mere 70 year old I know what you mean but I’ve always liked associating with adults of all ages.
sparty60
New Member
Those are very good points, as that newbie, I’m just kidding, Is it red, green, or black.
Am I to assume that as you become more experienced, do you tend to have favorites, and follow them?
Colleen
Senior Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
Welcome from another (former) Michigander
Born in Detroit (1946) and raised in Bay City. Did you say what part of MI you're in? I might have missed it. I'm 77 and newly widowed. I haven't really come to terms with it yet but being with friends on here helps
sparty60
New Member
Thanks Mark, I beginning to change my position on that, as a newbie, I have had conversations with members in their 60-70’s, quite sensitive ones, and to the point, that I would just love to meet them personally. The advantage this forum has, is that probably every member feels more open to express their feelings or viewpoints. Being new, Socially, I’m more accustomed to face to face, I’m slowly getting used to this format.
feywon
Well-known Member
- Location
- Rural North Central NM
From the time i was a kid i enjoyed the company of people both younger and older than myself. That's been as constant as enjoying knowing people from diverse cultures.
sparty60
New Member
Goodness Gracious, Hi Colleen, so sorry, you and I are going through the same thing, God bless you, it is going to take awhile isn’t it. I live in Dewitt, Michigan, just north of Lansing. Where are you now?. Looks like we are too far apart to have lunch or dinner, where in Pennsylvania? very nice picture of you.my wife just passed in July, after a journey of almost 18 months, breast cancer recurrence after 12 years.Welcome from another (former) Michigander
No favorites, some more simpatico than others, but I can honestly say I appreciate most people who visit here.Those are very good points, as that newbie, I’m just kidding, Is it red, green, or black.
sparty60
New Member
Very nice pics, I have a friend recently widowed, knew her deceased husband, we socialized with my deceased wife. There is something about people that have land that you meet. Reminds you of what it was like back in the day, very appealing, humble, caring, something this country needs now. If you went to visit, there was always a table set, with some type of food ,snacks etc. Not only that, we always took something home when we left. Awesome!!!
Colleen
Senior Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
Bless you. It's so hard to lose someone you've lived with for so many years. I'm sorry she had such a long struggle. May she rest in peace. It's only been 2 weeks for me so I think I'm still in shock. He had a sudden cardiac arrest and that was that. He had always been so healthy but I think, when I look back, there were warning signs that I missed and his doctor missed also. I live close to Youngstown, OH just across the border in PA.Goodness Gracious, Hi Colleen, so sorry, you and I are going through the same thing, God bless you, it is going to take awhile isn’t it. I live in Dewitt, Michigan, just north of Lansing. Where are you now?. Looks like we are too far apart to have lunch or dinner, where in Pennsylvania? very nice picture of you.my wife just passed in July, after a journey of almost 18 months, breast cancer recurrence after 12 years.
sparty60
New Member
Supernatural
Senior Member
I like it on the rocks as the saying goes. Or with Ginger Ale or as part of a special Christmas coffee. It's always room temperature in the cupboard.
Widow of Vietnam Vet
Member
- Location
- Cohocton NY
Welcome here Colleen. There are other widows/widowers here. We can really understand how you feel, and my husband died suddenly too. He was recovering from a stroke but seemed to be doing so well, but he collapsed in our barn. I performed CPR and called for an ambulance at the same time- not easy-doing CPR the old way, but he died as I gave him CPR ---a massive heart attack.
He always said, if he died, that I should continue to go on, and not to get overwhelmed by grief.
But everything changes when a spouse dies.
In April, I was at a prayer meeting early with my pastor, just 60 years old, and we both were sunburned because we had a few hot days that week and had worked outside. We had a great conversation before the ZOOM group started. I used ZOOM during COVID for these meetings but went instead to the church meeting after the COVID calmed down.
But my Pastor suddenly died the next day. A Massive heart attack. We are all still in shock over his death. His wife is doing as well as she can and she told me the other day that she always feels the love and support of the church members, to get her through this tragedy. We do get through it as best as we can.
Sparty , you sure described well what it is like to live in the country. So many good neighbors who are always willing to help others. We had a few young families move away over the past 30 years because of the isolation, but then again others still move into this area.
It really isn't 'isolation', 2 gas stations ,3 libraries within ten miles from me, 2 Dollar stores too, and a large food market 25 miles from here. I always offer lunch to any workmen here , however, because it is about ten miles away to get a good lunch.
He always said, if he died, that I should continue to go on, and not to get overwhelmed by grief.
But everything changes when a spouse dies.
In April, I was at a prayer meeting early with my pastor, just 60 years old, and we both were sunburned because we had a few hot days that week and had worked outside. We had a great conversation before the ZOOM group started. I used ZOOM during COVID for these meetings but went instead to the church meeting after the COVID calmed down.
But my Pastor suddenly died the next day. A Massive heart attack. We are all still in shock over his death. His wife is doing as well as she can and she told me the other day that she always feels the love and support of the church members, to get her through this tragedy. We do get through it as best as we can.
Sparty , you sure described well what it is like to live in the country. So many good neighbors who are always willing to help others. We had a few young families move away over the past 30 years because of the isolation, but then again others still move into this area.
It really isn't 'isolation', 2 gas stations ,3 libraries within ten miles from me, 2 Dollar stores too, and a large food market 25 miles from here. I always offer lunch to any workmen here , however, because it is about ten miles away to get a good lunch.
Colleen
Senior Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I'm so sorry for your loss
I appreciate the encouragement and without faith I'm not sure how others get through things like this. The only other worse loss, to me, would be a child.I have been blaming myself for not realizing how serious it was. I learned later that he actually died in the ambulance when it was in our driveway. They shocked him 2 times in the ambulance, once in the ER when he got there, and twice more when he was taken up to the critical cardiac care unit. When I got to the ER, they had him hooked up to a ventilator and every orafice had a tube coming out of it. No one was honest with me. I kept asking if he had a heart attack. They said they "didn't know"...they would have to take more tests.
In my heart, I knew he was gone then, but I didn't have the sense to say take him off the ventilator. We had talked about this scenario several times and we both said...don't put me through it....let me go. I was so shocked by what had happened so suddenly, that I was numb. He kids are in AZ so I was alone.
What I don't understand is, when the EMT's came, he was conscious and talking and they put the leads on him and asked him if he could walk outside to the ambulance. The EMT said to me, "He's in A-fib and we're going to take him to the hospital". He had to walk from our living room, down 4 steps, go through the foyer, and go out side and get on the stretcher. Why didn't they bring it in the house?
I'm sure it wouldn't have changed the outcome but I'm also sure it put extra strain on his heart and by the time I had gathered some things and went outside, they were still sitting in the driveway (a good 10 minutes) and I looked in the ambulance and he started screaming and they were telling him to "calm down". I backed away. I can still him. I didn't tell them not to resuscitate and I know they have to do it unless you tell them or have a DNR on file.
I've been functioning on "automatic". Couldn't even cry....until yesterday. My life has changed so drastically in a matter of a few hours and I don't know how to live alone. Every day is a challenge. Will it get better????
sparty60
New Member
Colleen, my heart goes out to you also, wish I could give you a hug
I want to help you, with a number of things! If you have read any of my posts, I am a very giving person, it is my mission in to help others, you especially, now. I think you have been sent to me to assist in the overwhelming issues,
I have already faced. It is very important that you take small steps on everything. I want you to think about considering exchanging contact information to discuss these small steps.
Texting would allow me to send attachments privately, either by email or text. I have an iPhone and an iPad. I also think that this will be the best way to preserve your privacy.
Think about it, and yes, you are very fragile now.
Have you read much on near death experiences?
Colleen, how close is your family? Do you still have family connections in Michigan? I know the feeling of living alone and yes it does get better slowly.
You will always have this forum for some guidance. It does help to develop a plan for yourself, those are the small steps I was mentioning.
Do you have support from connections locally, where you live?
I want to help you, with a number of things! If you have read any of my posts, I am a very giving person, it is my mission in to help others, you especially, now. I think you have been sent to me to assist in the overwhelming issues,I have already faced. It is very important that you take small steps on everything. I want you to think about considering exchanging contact information to discuss these small steps.
Texting would allow me to send attachments privately, either by email or text. I have an iPhone and an iPad. I also think that this will be the best way to preserve your privacy.
Think about it, and yes, you are very fragile now.
I like chatting with you, because you are into paranormal. I believe in the spirit side of my deceased wife, I feel her presence in the house, even though she is not physically there. I talk to her, some of the things I’m doing in the house, in her honor, she is happy in spirit.
Have you read much on near death experiences?
I'm so sorry for your loss
I have been blaming myself for not realizing how serious it was. I learned later that he actually died in the ambulance when it was in our driveway. They shocked him 2 times in the ambulance, once in the ER when he got there, and twice more when he was taken up to the critical cardiac care unit. When I got to the ER, they had him hooked up to a ventilator and every orafice had a tube coming out of it. No one was honest with me. I kept asking if he had a heart attack. They said they "didn't know"...they would have to take more tests.
In my heart, I knew he was gone then, but I didn't have the sense to say take him off the ventilator. We had talked about this scenario several times and we both said...don't put me through it....let me go. I was so shocked by what had happened so suddenly, that I was numb. He kids are in AZ so I was alone.
What I don't understand is, when the EMT's came, he was conscious and talking and they put the leads on him and asked him if he could walk outside to the ambulance. The EMT said to me, "He's in A-fib and we're going to take him to the hospital". He had to walk from our living room, down 4 steps, go through the foyer, and go out side and get on the stretcher. Why didn't they bring it in the house?
I'm sure it wouldn't have changed the outcome but I'm also sure it put extra strain on his heart and by the time I had gathered some things and went outside, they were still sitting in the driveway (a good 10 minutes) and I looked in the ambulance and he started screaming and they were telling him to "calm down". I backed away. I can still him. I didn't tell them not to resuscitate and I know they have to do it unless you tell them or have a DNR on file.
I've been functioning on "automatic". Couldn't even cry....until yesterday. My life has changed so drastically in a matter of a few hours and I don't know how to live alone. Every day is a challenge. Will it get better????
Colleen, how close is your family? Do you still have family connections in Michigan? I know the feeling of living alone and yes it does get better slowly.
You will always have this forum for some guidance. It does help to develop a plan for yourself, those are the small steps I was mentioning.
Do you have support from connections locally, where you live?
Widow of Vietnam Vet
Member
- Location
- Cohocton NY
It WILL get better but it takes time------a sudden death is Very different from having a loved one very ill for a long time.
I was so shocked I could not cry for weeks- it just did not seem real.
Your post is alarming because my husband had been malpracticed on and I filed wrongful death charges against the VA and I won. Do you feel you should get a lawyer?
I was so shocked I could not cry for weeks- it just did not seem real.
Your post is alarming because my husband had been malpracticed on and I filed wrongful death charges against the VA and I won. Do you feel you should get a lawyer?
Colleen
Senior Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
To be honest...I have thought about it but figured it's such an emotional time for me right now that I'm not sure I'm thinking straight. I guess asking a lawyer would be the only way to know, wouldn't it?
Colleen
Senior Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I've PM'd youColleen, my heart goes out to you also, wish I could give you a hug
I have already faced. It is very important that you take small steps on everything. I want you to think about considering exchanging contact information to discuss these small steps.
Texting would allow me to send attachments privately, either by email or text. I have an iPhone and an iPad. I also think that this will be the best way to preserve your privacy.
Think about it, and yes, you are very fragile now.
I like chatting with you, because you are into paranormal. I believe in the spirit side of my deceased wife, I feel her presence in the house, even though she is not physically there. I talk to her, some of the things I’m doing in the house, in her honor, she is happy in spirit.
Have you read much on near death experiences?
Colleen, how close is your family? Do you still have family connections in Michigan? I know the feeling of living alone and yes it does get better slowly.
You will always have this forum for some guidance. It does help to develop a plan for yourself, those are the small steps I was mentioning.
Do you have support from connections locally, where you live?