No friends do I care????

L

LoveTulips

Senior Member
Location
British Columbia, Canada
I used to be so nice, believing the best of everyone. I'm so crabby now, no wonder, I can't join groups or force myself to go and make friends.

Frankly, I find so many people annoy me from the ones, that are so loving and acceptable, for example: in my neighborhood, someone stole some garden gnomes from a home. Talking to people, some thought, well that was not nice ( that would be my take on it) and then there were some who said, " Oh we can't judge, maybe they needed the garden gnome as they have nothing in their lives... give me a break, they are morons, period.

Then there are the people who are so snobby at my Seniors Centre, that if you live in an apartment, not a house, they shut you out. Or those who take world trips every year, so cliquey.

When I was younger, I just never noticed or met morons or snobs. But I know my attitude now, is that I just don't trust anyone anymore and kind of believe the worst of everyone. Actually I have to be careful here, sorry @hollydolly, I think I was crabby the other day when you posted something about a list to de-stress.

I only need to go out once or twice a week to get some social interaction, even though I'm not talking to anyone when I'm out. I go to the library and sit there by myself, or go to the mall walking about. I know it's bad for me, I should be doing something talking with others, but every time I go to something, I'm just not this happy, loving person that I used to be. I'm happiest when I'm painting in watercolour or acrylics at home.

I figure I'll just go on this way until I really am by myself. I wonder if anyone is like this too?
 
Sounds to me that you live in a rather posh neighbourhood. I think I would react a bit like you too if that were to be my circumstances, however I like being around people. Too each his (or her) own, as the saying goes and "to thine own self be true" is also worth remembering.

Ask yourself is it worth effort to change your social isolation, or are you satisfied by the status quo? Ponder both questions fully because each will lead to very different outcomes for the future.
 
I’m alone most of the time, by choice not by circumstance.

I don’t think that I’m particularly crabby or cynical.

I’m just too tired for the work it takes to maintain superficial relationships that create the illusion of being busy, connected, loved, etc…

I consider myself blessed to have a couple very close friends that accept me as I am and don’t try to ‘fix’ me.

I wouldn’t stress over it, concentrate on doing what you are comfortable with as long as it does no harm to anyone else.
 
LoveTulips said:
Then there are the people who are so snobby at my Seniors Centre, that if you live in an apartment, not a house, they shut you out. Or those who take world trips every year, so cliquey.
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I ran into some people like that in a book club I belonged to for a while; they were all extremely wealthy, I found out; one gal talked about how one day her husband came home and said, "Honey, I'm bored! Let's go to Europe!" And they'd argue about a book: "I found this author's description of Paris very off because I've been to Paris many times and she didn't get it right." And somebody else would say, "Well, I've been to Paris even more times than you have and I think the author did it right."

When I mentioned once that the book we were assigned I had read it by checking it out of the library; you should have seen the sneer I got and "My goodness, we have a library here?! I buy everything I read." Hoighty-toighty.

I also get noses turned up at me--one person literally took a step back from me, turned, and walked away--when I mention I never had kids. And if I get pushed into saying it's because I chose not to? Good grief.

And I have gotten annoyed by others but I seem to be the one who's annoying others most of the time and can't seem to figure out how not to, so I tend to kind of isolate too. I just wish I could have a dog for company.
 
officerripley said:
I ran into some people like that in a book club I belonged to for a while; they were all extremely wealthy, I found out; one gal talked about how one day her husband came home and said, "Honey, I'm bored! Let's go to Europe!" And they'd argue about a book: "I found this author's description of Paris very off because I've been to Paris many times and she didn't get it right." And somebody else would say, "Well, I've been to Paris even more times than you have and I think the author did it right."

When I mentioned once that the book we were assigned I had read it by checking it out of the library; you should have seen the sneer I got and "My goodness, we have a library here?! I buy everything I read." Hoighty-toighty.

I also get noses turned up at me--one person literally took a step back from me, turned, and walked away--when I mention I never had kids. And if I get pushed into saying it's because I chose not to? Good grief.

And I have gotten annoyed by others but I seem to be the one who's annoying others most of the time and can't seem to figure out how not to, so I tend to kind of isolate too. I just wish I could have a dog for company.
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Yup, this is what I'm talking about.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I’m alone most of the time, by choice not by circumstance.

I don’t think that I’m particularly crabby or cynical.

I’m just too tired for the work it takes to maintain superficial relationships that create the illusion of being busy, connected, loved, etc…

I consider myself blessed to have a couple very close friends that accept me as I am and don’t try to ‘fix’ me.

I wouldn’t stress over it, concentrate on doing what you are comfortable with as long as it does no harm to anyone else.
Click to expand...
Actually I have no friends as they all passed away in their early 60's, I'm 71. I'd be fine with just a couple of friends. That is why I have been pushing myself to meet people, but they are just not my tribe so to speak so far.
 
Warrigal said:
Sounds to me that you live in a rather posh neighbourhood. I think I would react a bit like you too if that were to be my circumstances, however I like being around people. Too each his (or her) own, as the saying goes and "to thine own self be true" is also worth remembering.

Ask yourself is it worth effort to change your social isolation, or are you satisfied by the status quo? Ponder both questions fully because each will lead to very different outcomes for the future.
Click to expand...
It's not posh but home owners do not mix with condo owners. Even my husband has tried. It's like you're below them in their eyes. And in our condo, the young people do not want anything to do with us. We are the oldest owners in our condo of 28 suites, in our seventies. We have also lived here in the same condo for 29 years. They look at us, like shock, wow, that long??? And again we have nothing in common with these young people.

I guess I'm more an introvert now in my 70's, I don't really like being around people anymore either, especially groups, one or two people to be together with, lovely! So I guess status quo for now.
 
LoveTulips said:
, for example: in my neighborhood, someone stole some garden gnomes from a home. Talking to people, some thought, well that was not nice ( that would be my take on it) and then there were some who said, " Oh we can't judge, maybe they needed the garden gnome as they have nothing in their lives... give me a break, they are morons, period.
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Gnome withdrawal? Its not their fault. We all know how flirty those gnomes can be. Take me home honey. You know you want me. :eek:

LoveTulips said:
Actually I have no friends as they all passed away in their early 60's, I'm 71. I'd be fine with just a couple of friends. That is why I have been pushing myself to meet people, but they are just not my tribe so to speak so far.
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Im 76. Mine passed in my 70's. So did the husband. Im an only and Im kidless so its just me and the snitty kitties now.
I occasionally try to talk myself into finding places to meet people but it just seems like work. It did the widows groups and the senior center. Definitely not my tribe.

I dont care for groups either. I agree one or two people is more my speed . Once or twice a month would be fine.
And it cant be at my house. Im an extraverted introvert so can only be chatty for a couple hours. But then Im done.
You cant just tell people Ive had enuf of you . You need to leave.
 
I would love to have true friends. Mine have also passed. I had those friends for all my life. They made me comfortable, not people I had to impress by anything.

Happy to have them in my home, for meals, visits, they know me, what I value, who I am. They were happy, I was happy. If someone needed help I was happy to do it.

When a good friend got sick had to have an amputation of a lower leg, I brought him to my home to recover. It was rough but we got through it. My family outside of my son was against it. They did not see how this man stepped up when my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. All the other friends just ran.

This guy stayed!! He took the husband on trips. Some were work related, some for fun. He came to chemo treatments. He came to the house just so I could sleep. He came to the hospital and watched football games so the hubs felt included. His own siblings did not show him this care.
 
LoveTulips said:
I used to be so nice, believing the best of everyone. I'm so crabby now, no wonder, I can't join groups or force myself to go and make friends.

Frankly, I find so many people annoy me from the ones, that are so loving and acceptable, for example: in my neighborhood, someone stole some garden gnomes from a home. Talking to people, some thought, well that was not nice ( that would be my take on it) and then there were some who said, " Oh we can't judge, maybe they needed the garden gnome as they have nothing in their lives... give me a break, they are morons, period.

Then there are the people who are so snobby at my Seniors Centre, that if you live in an apartment, not a house, they shut you out. Or those who take world trips every year, so cliquey.

When I was younger, I just never noticed or met morons or snobs. But I know my attitude now, is that I just don't trust anyone anymore and kind of believe the worst of everyone.
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My wife had such an awful experience with the people who are called 'parents', that she learned at a very young age to trust nobody. It was tough but it helped her a lot in her life.

I had loving and caring parents and was just the opposite since I trusted everyone, which led to some mistakes.

I don't like snobs either. I think your attitude regarding trusting other people and snobs is completely right, since it protects you.
 
Blessed said:
I would love to have true friends. Mine have also passed. I had those friends for all my life. They made me comfortable, not people I had to impress by anything.

Happy to have them in my home, for meals, visits, they know me, what I value, who I am. They were happy, I was happy. If someone needed help I was happy to do it.

When a good friend got sick had to have an amputation of a lower leg, I brought him to my home to recover. It was rough but we got through it. My family outside of my son was against it. They did not see how this man stepped up when my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. All the other friends just ran.

This guy stayed!! He took the husband on trips. Some were work related, some for fun. He came to chemo treatments. He came to the house just so I could sleep. He came to the hospital and watched football games so the hubs felt included. His own siblings did not show him this care.
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This man was really a true friend and deserved that you also cared for him after his amputation.
 
LoveTulips said:
I know it's bad for me, I should be doing something talking with others, but every time I go to something, I'm just not this happy, loving person that I used to be. I'm happiest when I'm painting in watercolour or acrylics at home.
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What I bolded there ^^^^^^^ well, my personal opinion is that's all that matters. If that's what makes you happy, then that's what you need to do. I have never in my life accepted that it's bad for me if I don't "socialize" in person. I can do it, but choose not to in most cases. I've never been a "peopley person" with people in my face and air space, but by golly, I can talk for hours on end if I'm typing.

I can socialize right here with either SF people or work colleagues that I collaborate with online. I know more about some of the people here than I do about my own siblings (although we're a close family.) And I don't mind that... I like it.

Now... about that gnome. Maybe someone needed YOUR gnome in their life?! :ROFLMAO: How the heck did you keep from bursting out in giggles when they said that?! 🤭

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I cannot stand snooty people as some of the above have mentioned. They say some of those snooty people might think you're below them, but it is quite the opposite. I like non pretentious people. It's too much work trying to put on heirs. I find there are more nice people out there than are not. When I find them, I gravitate towards them. Since I'm rather reserved and somewhat introverted, a lot of people aren't drawn toward me, but I welcome it as long as they aren't phoney.
 
I know it is not the same as having social and friendly relations with other people, but I care @LoveTulips.
Do not pay those people any mind.

Sometimes people will make snobby remarks because it makes them feel better about themselves to make someone else feel lesser than them.

I too am alone most of the time.
I have a few nice neighbors, my Daughter lives across town, my Son moved to New York.
I try to interact when I can, but sometimes I shut the door and I do not want to see anyone.
It really is not healthy, I am going to try harder now that the weather is better here to open the door, so to speak.
;)

I stopped putting anything I care about in my yard. Evenyually someone will steal it.
You have every reason to be upset about that.
Like I said, pay those poeple no mind. Think about things that you enjoy,
🤗
 
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LoveTulips said:
I used to be so nice, believing the best of everyone. I'm so crabby now, no wonder, I can't join groups or force myself to go and make friends.

Frankly, I find so many people annoy me from the ones, that are so loving and acceptable, for example: in my neighborhood, someone stole some garden gnomes from a home. Talking to people, some thought, well that was not nice ( that would be my take on it) and then there were some who said, " Oh we can't judge, maybe they needed the garden gnome as they have nothing in their lives... give me a break, they are morons, period.

Then there are the people who are so snobby at my Seniors Centre, that if you live in an apartment, not a house, they shut you out. Or those who take world trips every year, so cliquey.

When I was younger, I just never noticed or met morons or snobs. But I know my attitude now, is that I just don't trust anyone anymore and kind of believe the worst of everyone. Actually I have to be careful here, sorry @hollydolly, I think I was crabby the other day when you posted something about a list to de-stress.

I only need to go out once or twice a week to get some social interaction, even though I'm not talking to anyone when I'm out. I go to the library and sit there by myself, or go to the mall walking about. I know it's bad for me, I should be doing something talking with others, but every time I go to something, I'm just not this happy, loving person that I used to be. I'm happiest when I'm painting in watercolour or acrylics at home.

I figure I'll just go on this way until I really am by myself. I wonder if anyone is like this too?
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I think we all care when we are alone. I think its that "should" we care.
Yes for health and safety reasons but there are things you can put in place for that.
But, no if it's just because we worry what other people might think.
When I start telling myself I "should" do something, I immediately ask what I want to do, and go with that.
Still, there are some social things I think are a benefit so I will attend.
 
I am alone by choice. Just because I am alone does not mean I am lonely. I live in an apartment and if I want to talk to people in person I just need to step outside. Which I usually do on a one to one basis. I do not have any interaction with my old friends in person any longer. Online mostly and that is fine with me. And then there is always this forum.
 
I really keep to myself and spend around 99.8% of my time alone. It's not that I don't like people, I just prefer a quiet and peaceful life and my own company. Plus I have tons of hobbies and interests. I do go out and do everything other people do. I just do it alone.
 
LoveTulips said:
I used to be so nice, believing the best of everyone. I'm so crabby now, no wonder, I can't join groups or force myself to go and make friends.

Frankly, I find so many people annoy me from the ones, that are so loving and acceptable, for example: in my neighborhood, someone stole some garden gnomes from a home. Talking to people, some thought, well that was not nice ( that would be my take on it) and then there were some who said, " Oh we can't judge, maybe they needed the garden gnome as they have nothing in their lives... give me a break, they are morons, period.

Then there are the people who are so snobby at my Seniors Centre, that if you live in an apartment, not a house, they shut you out. Or those who take world trips every year, so cliquey.

When I was younger, I just never noticed or met morons or snobs. But I know my attitude now, is that I just don't trust anyone anymore and kind of believe the worst of everyone. Actually I have to be careful here, sorry @hollydolly, I think I was crabby the other day when you posted something about a list to de-stress.

I only need to go out once or twice a week to get some social interaction, even though I'm not talking to anyone when I'm out. I go to the library and sit there by myself, or go to the mall walking about. I know it's bad for me, I should be doing something talking with others, but every time I go to something, I'm just not this happy, loving person that I used to be. I'm happiest when I'm painting in watercolour or acrylics at home.

I figure I'll just go on this way until I really am by myself. I wonder if anyone is like this too?
Click to expand...
ooooh I just cannot stand these people who make exuses for people's bad behaviour like in your example...'''ooh perhaps they had no money...or perhaps they had problems as a child''...gerroutta here everybody knows what is good and bad... and acceptable behaviour.. no-one should be encouraging it, by excusing it...


I live in an upmarket area, and snobbishness is all around... we have TV personality, authors, well known soccer players all live in the immediate area... all new money... and then we have the Old money .. people from the aristocracy in their big ancestral homes... guess whose the most snobby.... ?... not the latter!

Anyway... I was a very shy child..in a very loud family... in the very few photos of me as a child with my siblings, I'm the one looking down and not at the camera ... I didn't really come out of my shell until my teens... and I had a lot of friends all throughout my adulthood...

I still have quite a few, but since my divorce they've kind of mostly melted away... I still hear from them via text or phone ... but in reality..I'm kind pleased that's happened beause I realise that i'm still a person who prefers to just enjoy my own company... with the occasional coffee meet up with a friend or a couple of friends...
@LoveTulips ..I always think of you as my friend on here... and I wish you lived closer... as I do a few other friends on here... but I often think this forum and the internet in general is an actual God-send for those of us who live alone... :love:
 
GoodEnuff said:
I, too, spend most of my time alone, by choice. The last few times I tried to make friends, it seemed they just wanted something from me. I have learned to trust no one. Not even family. When I receive a call (or a rare visit) from anyone, my first thought now is, "What do they want?"
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Exactly, I quit opening my door for that reason. The people who only knock when they want something.
 
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