No friends do I care????

[MACKTEXAS]

Becoming more reclusive seems common in later years, since for many people (like myself) most family members and close friends have passed on. I'm okay most of the time alone but I still want some social interaction, even if the people in my life these days would best be described as only acquaintances. To get that I attend church and certain group functions, lunches, etc.

Where a person lives - house, apartment - whatever, makes no difference to me, but I recognize those kind of people mentioned earlier in the thread who are snobs. In mmy experience, there are less of them than there are just regular people, who I gravitate toward. I won't allow snobs to steal my joy or make me hide at home alone.

 

[Aunt Bea]

Exactly, I quit opening my door for that reason. The people who only knock when they want something.

I never answer my door or my phone until I know who it is.

 

[IrishEyes]

I have my times when I love being with a friend or family and other times I need to just sit back and do what
I do and enjoy the solitude. I can't say I crave either one over the other. Just take it as it comes.
I do realize if I get to where I dread other people, for myself, I would talk to my doctor because of experiencing
my mother sink into full blown depression. This is not a hint or suggestion to anyone, this is my view of myself.

I have a neighbor that I will speak with occasionally in the yard, she has invited me over to chat a few times but
she loves to gossip. I won't put myself into that because you know how your words get spread around and all it
really accomplishes is that it makes the one doing the talking to feel better than others. Then you begin to hear
things that were said about you. So I guess I go with my gut on who to become friends with.

 

[hollydolly]

I have to add..further to my last post...that I'm totally energised by being around people...I'm like a duracell battery...where people recharge me... so once I've been out and been among lots of people, that reharge can last me for a long time

 

[officerripley]

If I could meet a bunch of women like this, I'd love to at least mingle with them if not be friends:



Unfortunately, around here just about the only women I've met like this are in their teens, 20s, 30s or 40s; most women any older than the 40s around here only want to talk about their grandkids or gossip about the "ungodly" neighbors. The few fun, interesting women in my age group find me dull or nonexistent.

 

[RuralKanuck]

I have very few face to face friends but one or two email friends who some days are my saviors, but for my son flashing through as he heads for work and returns to have supper with me I would be lost!
I had many fairly good friends over the years but moving through two countries and 10 houses spread across many miles did nothing to enhance that number.
Recently lost my closest friend (both in thought and location) at the age of 86 (I am working on it) and that was a tough one for we had been like brothers for around half those years. But I am in touch with my longest running friends over in England who I have know since he n I were electrical apprentice together in 62, at this point I am the oldest one I know. (not counting some of the folks here eh)

I wist I could say I was content sitting here or wandering in the woods alone for much of the time but for me it aint so so I am turning to the keyboard. Over the years I could fix just about anything electrical or mechanical but electronics and keyboarding are pushing my limits but I intend to keep pecking away once in a while here on SF.

 

[TeePee]

I never answer my door or my phone until I know who it is.

View attachment 503607

I don't answer it unless I know who it is. It's too dangerous in nowadays society. Having said that, I rarely have anyone show up on my doorstep unless they are visitors. I live in the suburbs, so rarely (almost never) will a friend or acquaintance drop in unannounced.

 

[That Lady in PA]

I won't allow snobs to steal my joy or make me hide at home alone.

Good for you... I feel the same way.

So sad that some here avoid people because of who those people may or may not be!

 

[RambleTamble]

My only friends are my wife and my dog. People sometimes try to talk to me at the park. I'm generally cordial, but all the while I'm thinking that I'd rather not talk to them, so I just put in my time and then say I need to get going. I guess I'm just not getting any oxytocin production out of the encounters. I don't bond with people.

 

[Quackers]

Love Tulips stop knocking yourself, I'm sure you're not crabby at all.

At least you're making the effort to be out and about. If you feel you 'should' be making the effort talking to others - just give 'em a smile or a hello instead and carry on doing what you do in the library or on your walk.
Maybe a quick remark about the weather (being in the UK someone aways mentions the weather LOL).
People will always drop a comment back. You don't have to 'talk' if you don't want but perhaps your little comment might lighten someone's day as well as your own.

It's great you have artistic talents immersing yourself in being creative. Don't they say artists like to be alone?
What happens to your finished works - do you display them at home?

For myself 'Friends' (besties) are true life people, those I grew up with. We can go days/weeks without contact and pick up where we left off. I could never find anyone to replace them.
(We're currently slipping into joking about our demise and the mischief we'll do to the other/s when we come back to haunt them).

The rest are acquaintances and friendships formed in day to day life, some a pain in the ass much like myself.

 

[Coconut]

I have my times when I love being with a friend or family and other times I need to just sit back and do what
I do and enjoy the solitude. I can't say I crave either one over the other. Just take it as it comes.
I do realize if I get to where I dread other people, for myself, I would talk to my doctor because of experiencing
my mother sink into full blown depression. This is not a hint or suggestion to anyone, this is my view of myself.

I have a neighbor that I will speak with occasionally in the yard, she has invited me over to chat a few times but
she loves to gossip. I won't put myself into that because you know how your words get spread around and all it
really accomplishes is that it makes the one doing the talking to feel better than others. Then you begin to hear
things that were said about you. So I guess I go with my gut on who to become friends with.

I used to have a gosspiy neighbor. She moved several years ago.
I just let her talk and nodded my head.
If she is telling you all she thinks she knows about your neighbors, then she is talking to them about you.

 

[IrishEyes]

I used to have a gosspiy neighbor. She moved several years ago.
I just let her talk and nodded my head.
If she is telling you all she thinks she knows about your neighbors, then she is talking to them about you.

She's been in this community for 20 yrs, I have been here 3. Ain't no way I am saying a word about anyone to anyone.
If I say anything at all it is "So far I've not had a problem with anyone".

 

[LoveTulips]

ooooh I just cannot stand these people who make exuses for people's bad behaviour like in your example...'''ooh perhaps they had no money...or perhaps they had problems as a child''...gerroutta here everybody knows what is good and bad... and acceptable behaviour.. no-one should be encouraging it, by excusing it...


I live in an upmarket area, and snobbishness is all around... we have TV personality, authors, well known soccer players all live in the immediate area... all new money... and then we have the Old money .. people from the aristocracy in their big ancestral homes... guess whose the most snobby.... ?... not the latter!

Anyway... I was a very shy child..in a very loud family... in the very few photos of me as a child with my siblings, I'm the one looking down and not at the camera ... I didn't really come out of my shell until my teens... and I had a lot of friends all throughout my adulthood...

I still have quite a few, but since my divorce they've kind of mostly melted away... I still hear from them via text or phone ... but in reality..I'm kind pleased that's happened beause I realise that i'm still a person who prefers to just enjoy my own company... with the occasional coffee meet up with a friend or a couple of friends...
@LoveTulips ..I always think of you as my friend on here... and I wish you lived closer... as I do a few other friends on here... but I often think this forum and the internet in general is an actual God-send for those of us who live alone.

I was timid and was bullied verbally when I was in high school. We had just moved and I knew no one. Once I got to be 17, I could breathe a sigh of relief, not having to worry every night about going to school the next day. It was college now and it was wonderful.

It is wonderful to be able to enjoy one's own company, for sure, I'm never bored being by myself with my art. It's just that it would be nice to have a friend or two to chat with. So I should really be more thankful that I am part of this forum and be able to chat at least online. You're right, especially if you live alone, this site is a godsend.

Wish we did live closer, sigh....

 

[LoveTulips]

What I bolded there ^^^^^^^ well, my personal opinion is that's all that matters. If that's what makes you happy, then that's what you need to do. I have never in my life accepted that it's bad for me if I don't "socialize" in person. I can do it, but choose not to in most cases. I've never been a "peopley person" with people in my face and air space, but by golly, I can talk for hours on end if I'm typing.

I can socialize right here with either SF people or work colleagues that I collaborate with online. I know more about some of the people here than I do about my own siblings (although we're a close family.) And I don't mind that... I like it.

Now... about that gnome. Maybe someone needed YOUR gnome in their life?! How the heck did you keep from bursting out in giggles when they said that?!

View attachment 503570

It took an effort, let me tell you.

 

[LoveTulips]

tI know it is not the same as having social and friendly relations with other people, but I care @LoveTulips.
Do not pay those people any mind.

Sometimes people will make snobby remarks because it makes them feel better about themselves to make someone else feel lesser than them.

I too am alone most of the time.
I have a few nice neighbors, my Daughter lives across town, my Son moved to New York.
I try to interact when I can, but sometimes I shut the door and I do not want to see anyone.
It really is not healthy, I am going to try harder now that the weather is better here to open the door, so to speak.


I stopped putting anything I care about in my yard. Eventually someone will steal it.
You have every reason to be upset about that.
Like I said, pay those poeple no mind. Think about things that you enjoy,

Awww....thanks Coconut...yup, you're totally right.

 

[LoveTulips]

I think we all care when we are alone. I think its that "should" we care.
Yes for health and safety reasons but there are things you can put in place for that.
But, no if it's just because we worry what other people might think.
When I start telling myself I "should" do something, I immediately ask what I want to do, and go with that.
Still, there are some social things I think are a benefit so I will attend.

Yes, totally agree. I'm fighting against the "should", should make friends, should be more outgoing, etc.

 

[LoveTulips]

I have to add..further to my last post...that I'm totally energised by being around people...I'm like a duracell battery...where people recharge me... so once I've been out and been among lots of people, that reharge can last me for a long time

Oh that's great for you and I'm very happy you feel recharged after being with people. It actually really, really tires me out. So if we ever do meet, it's just going to be me and you, otherwise I will run away.

 

[Veronica]

Yes, totally agree. I'm fighting against the "should", should make friends, should be more outgoing, etc.

Me too. After the husband passed I indulged in all the shoulds too. Should be more outgoing. Should make friends. Etc. Etc.
What I discovered was I was fine before and all that just felt like work.

I was timid and was bullied verbally when I was in high school. We had just moved and I knew no one. Once I got to be 17, I could breathe a sigh of relief, not having to worry every night about going to school the next day. It was college now and it was wonderful.

It is wonderful to be able to enjoy one's own company, for sure, I'm never bored being by myself with my art. It's just that it would be nice to have a friend or two to chat with. So I should really be more thankful that I am part of this forum and be able to chat at least online. You're right, especially if you live alone, this site is a godsend.

Wish we did live closer, sigh....

Im sorry you went thru those times. Im tall and Im a nerd so I went thru all the typical stuff. Im an introvert but I am not shy.
People did attempt to bully me. Introverts have a super power ya know. We can be totally fine with our own company.
So not talking to me has little effect on me. Besides why would I want to associate with someone who bullies others.

Im not as artistic as some of you. Im more of a putterer. Just finished a brick sidewalk. Power washed my patio.
Now Im repainting all my patio crap. Weeding and mulching and transplanting flowers will come to a stop when the heat hits.

Ive come to the conclusion that my tribe has probably been kicked off the island for not fitting in.

 

[Veronica]

Becoming more reclusive seems common in later years, since for many people (like myself) most family members and close friends have passed on. I'm okay most of the time alone but I still want some social interaction, even if the people in my life these days would best be described as only acquaintances. To get that I attend church and certain group functions, lunches, etc.

Where a person lives - house, apartment - whatever, makes no difference to me, but I recognize those kind of people mentioned earlier in the thread who are snobs. In mmy experience, there are less of them than there are just regular people, who I gravitate toward. I won't allow snobs to steal my joy or make me hide at home alone.

This is so true. I didnt mean to become a recluse. The husband was the last of my charges. His care took up all my time.
Then he was gone. And I had all this time on my hands.

If you think about it snobby people can be quite amusing. Oh you have a cat. Well I have a tiger. You have a house.
Well I have ten houses and a castle. I just smile and say thats nice. And think to myself. I could have that too
if I wanted to be in debt up to my eyeballs. Besides I have enuf trouble keeping track of what I do have.

I have to add..further to my last post...that I'm totally energised by being around people...I'm like a duracell battery...where people recharge me... so once I've been out and been among lots of people, that reharge can last me for a long time

I would definitely not be recharged. Interacting with lots of people makes me twitchy.
And Im embarrassed to say if forced too long I can get snippy.

 

[Time Waits 4 No Man]

I basically sit at home playing video games.

Do you ever watch professional gamer "Fooster"?

 

[EmptyCup]

I'm like a duracell battery...where people recharge me.

I am the same way. It used to perplex my ex because social events would drain her. Maybe I am a parasite who drains other people’s energy. She always said watching me would wear her out. Ha!

Some trivia, Duracell was founded by a relative on my dad’s side of the family. Berkshire Hathaway owns it now. The predecessor Mallory brand batteries were higher quality. But that was way back when.

 

[Jules]

Mel Robbins had an episode in Feb. 2025 about making friends as an adult and why it’s hard.

There’s a new one from a few days ago.

Mel is an inspirational speaker and number one rated podcaster.

 

[MarciKS]

Do you ever watch professional gamer "Fooster"?

Nope

 

[OldOld]

I wish I had some (or at least one) close friends.

 

[officerripley]

I finally found my tribe but they ignored me just like everybody else did.