No light at the end of tunnel I cannot find

Pepper

Pepper

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Location
NYC
I'm broken hearted since losing my Buffy. Instead of receiving solace here, the place I come to for everything I was betrayed by two people. Kicked in the teeth when I was already down. Not permitted to seek comfort. They were more interested in one-upmanship and superiority; in showing who is boss. Then the horror of my sister; I can't even speak of what I saw Saturday; what I experienced. Maybe it's too soon, but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel when I can't find the entrance. I'm lost, maybe forever. I must have some hope; this must be some sort of saying 'help.' I did care about the proper usage of a semi-colon, that must prove something. I can no longer take my anti depressant meds because they make me shake. Maybe I should anyway.
 

@Pepper, I am so sad to know that you are suffering. I know how losing a pet member of ;your family is difficult to say the least. That is the hardest part of having a pet, knowing that you will lose them.

It is heartbreaking that what transpired with your sister could not be healed. It is often that way, and sometimes we never know why. I can't give you words that will make you feet better. I wish I could!!

Did you stop taking your medication without talking to the doctor. If it makes you feel bad, it may be time to change to a different medication. I have learned the hard way. You must taper off your antidepressant to avoid any complications. I do hope you will call and go see your doctor, this is not the time let this go, it could make things worse.
 
Pepper said:
I'm broken hearted since losing my Buffy. Instead of receiving solace here, the place I come to for everything I was betrayed by two people. Kicked in the teeth when I was already down. Not permitted to seek comfort. They were more interested in one-upmanship and superiority; in showing who is boss.
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I know that anything I say has the potential to be the wrong thing... but I want to remind you that we need to keep looking for "that light" even though we convince ourselves sometimes that it's not there. The tunnel is long at times... but isn't that your son and grandson standing at the other end of it holding the light? šŸ’”šŸ”¦šŸ•Æļø

I'll keep my thoughts to myself on people who kick when others are down... and I probably shouldn't admit that I feel a glee I shouldn't feel when comeuppance happens. And it always does.

Can't we only be "betrayed" by people who really mattered to us? If those claws come out when we most need friendship, it probably wasn't a friend at all. And yes, @Pepper , you certainly *are* allowed to seek comfort... it's in the right places. Don't even think about disappearing on us... remember what your Mama said that you told us about a day or two ago. šŸ’—
 

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Pepper, I understand how you felt about losing Buffy. Our pets live with us every day, they are always with us. Then one day, they are gone. Even though I have gone through it myself, too many times, I dread it every day. I am trying to prepare myself for losing my bunnyboy, probably this year. But how can you ever prepare for that? When they die at home, I believe they have a peaceful passing. Which your Buffy did. Sending you hugs and prayers is about the best I can do online.
 
Pepper said:
I'm broken hearted since losing my Buffy. Instead of receiving solace here, the place I come to for everything I was betrayed by two people. Kicked in the teeth when I was already down. Not permitted to seek comfort. They were more interested in one-upmanship and superiority; in showing who is boss. Then the horror of my sister; I can't even speak of what I saw Saturday; what I experienced. Maybe it's too soon, but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel when I can't find the entrance. I'm lost, maybe forever. I must have some hope; this must be some sort of saying 'help.' I did care about the proper usage of a semi-colon, that must prove something. I can no longer take my anti depressant meds because they make me shake. Maybe I should anyway.
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Pepper, please don't lose hope, there are many of us who really care. Sending you love, warmth, and healing thoughts. šŸ’™ ā˜®ļø
 
I wish I knew the complete story, but I am once again late posting. It hurts like hell when we lose a family member (and pets are family members) and sometimes so much that we cause our grief to become even worse. I wish I had words that would make you feel better and be able to move on, but moving on is the last thing that is on your mind. We all need time to grieve in this situation.

I lost a very close friend not too long ago and another friend that knew we were best friends told me try thinking only about the good memories that you shared together. I don't know if that helped me get over the sadness, but there were times when I would smile at the goofy stuff we did together and that alone did help me appreciate the time we had together.

I hope that you can find peace.
 
Like others here, I do not know the whole story. I feel for your loss. I know the pain of loss and the feeling of hopelessness in life.
Hope you can find the strength.

When we were young, we said kids can be cruel. It seems like when we are older, those grown up kids can be cruel. Hugs to you. šŸ«‚šŸ¤—
 
Pepper, I see you as a very strong lady, and whatever betrayal you experienced is likely because there are some who want to take someone down that they view as strong. If they can make you cry and feel bad, then they have a misplaced feeling that they are stronger than you. And they always attack when they know you are in a vulnerable state of mind.

Seems that life has thrown several things at you all at the same time. Hard to juggle all the feelings raging inside but I have faith that you will deal with all and come out on top.

You will grieve for Buffy, have a good cry, often if you must, no one is looking and no one will blame you if they catch you at it.

Pepper, I know I posted a few weeks ago that I thought about leaving the forum. I'm still here, sometimes we need a break. When someone sent me a pm I realized that I was not going to let the Bas____d win. I'm better than they are and so are you.
 
((((((((Pepper))))))))
Iā€™m so sorry to see you this way and sorry to know you were treated badly, especially being kicked while you were down. Thatā€™s terrible.

I know you were grieving over Buffy but didnā€™t know about your sister until a few days ago. Like others here, Iā€™m not sure what to say. You got extra quiet which is understandable.

Thereā€™s not only light at the end of the tunnel, thereā€™s ā€˜lovingā€™ light around you at all times. Sometimes itā€™s easier to connect with the loving light than love itself, especially when itā€™s human related. Human love isnā€™t unconditional like the loving light which always surrounds you.

Thatā€™s probably not all that helpful but Iā€™m not sure what else to say. Iā€™ve told you many times that you have a lot of friends here and are plenty loved. I canā€™t find the hug emoji but Iā€™m giving you a virtual hug.
 
Losing a pet is a tough loss. Sometimes, like my dog, they are our best friends. She's 11 now and pure bred English Short Hair, so she is getting close. She has had arthritis for the last 3-4 years. Two years ago, she fell off my back deck and tore her ACL. That was a $5000 vet bill, but she's my best friend, so I never even gave the money a thought.

There is a light at the end of that tunnel. It's just a little dim right now, but as the days pass by, the light will become brighter. Stay strong, remember the good times and allow for time to heal your wounded heart.
 
@Pepper
I am so sorry to hear all this.

Please realize that many of us here empathize with your grief. Try to ignore (block if you have to) those who don't understand. I have never understood why people can't just skip a thread if they can't be kind when someone they know, even 'just' online, is hurting.

Please also talk to your prescribing doctor about getting an adjustment to your medication. I have seen ads for a medicine that helps with the tardive dyskeiniesia you're having as side effect. Apparently it is more common in older people, and in those who are on meds for depression, schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder for a long time.
 
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Itā€™s so hard to lose a fur baby as they are family and our constant companion. What helps me is to never be without a pet. Life sometimes is very difficult but you are strong. I would ask your doctor about changing medication. Sending lots of love and light to you.
 
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Pepper said something to someone on the thread about abortion.
Considering her state of mind over the loss of Buffy, what she said
should have been dealt with by Matrix and only by him.

However, her so-called ā€œcyber friendā€ of many years instead of
sending her a PM, publicly demeaned her on the forum.
Tragic, but let me say this Pepper, I am a great believer in Karma and it works, it sure works. I know you do not want revenge but Karma
has a long memoryā€¦

Now dear stick your chin in the air, you can see you have other friends on the forumā€¦andā€¦remember... us Oxford girls do not give up easilyā€¦
Lā€™chaim!
 
Pepper, Think of how happy you made Buffy her whole life! She was born on the world just to be with YOU!
Measures of love in the heart are perpetual. They will never cease! This is evermore eternal. It has no end.
When love is given, the stronger it becomes. This lifts you to experience a higher view of aliveness.
You are a strong lady experiencing your tender heart of pure sweetness, cherish, bliss. and love.
You might not believe me about angels being always with you. If you do, will you ask them to help you?
They will surround and comfort you. I will send thoughts and prayers your way too.

About these people, I don't know what happened or who they are, but I sure know YOUR TOUGHNESS!
All these people on this thread, ALL OF US love you and care deeply about you.
These are not just placating words! We really DO!!!!!!!
You will put this behind you and be even stronger! Whatever they said, treat it with indifference.
 
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