No more Ma’am and Sir

[Gaer]

Cheerfully throwing gasoline on the fire: The infamous (now) wolf whistle. I had a prolonged argument with my daughter about it. In the fifties we whistled at every girl we found attractive and she would usually look back and give us a coy smile. I saw nothing wrong with it, which made my daughter wild! She said: "when someone whistled at me in my youth I felt as if I were being attacked!" Do (did) most women feel her way?

I didn't give them any attention but the men I encountered were a little more aggressive.
I remember I was getting a drink of water at a bar and a guy came up and grabbed my rear
and said something unacceptable. I waited casually until I received the water and then slowly
poured it over his head! They were just uncouth idiots!

 

[Magna-Carta]

I didn't give them any attention but the men I encountered were a little more aggressive.
I remember I was getting a drink of water at a bar and a guy came up and grabbed my rear
and said something unacceptable. I waited casually until I received the water and then slowly
poured it over his head! They were just uncouth idiots!

Clearly an assault on their part, which deserved a response in kind

 

[Old Salt]

I didn't give them any attention but the men I encountered were a little more aggressive.
I remember I was getting a drink of water at a bar and a guy came up and grabbed my rear
and said something unacceptable. I waited casually until I received the water and then slowly
poured it over his head! They were just uncouth idiots!

Love it! He deserved it!

 

[Magna-Carta]

Round here, (the north of England) you will hear people calling each other 'love', or 'chuck', or 'duck' and there is absolutely no offence meant in those words..
Only this morning, the lovely lady from over the road put a cup of tea infront of me and said, "Get this down you, love." I definitely was not offended.

Good for you There are ways of saying these things though, that can and do make all the difference

 

[Old Salt]

I certainly did. So demeaning, often accompanied by lip smacking sounds, rude gestures, and ruder comments. Being reduced to a piece of meat is a violation. I can recall walking to work through the construction gauntlet.

@Shalimar When you put it that way your reaction certainly makes sense. This is exactly how my daughter described her feelings. Strangely enough it also had to do with construction crews! We on the other hand were polite and appreciative whistlers and that's what I go by. No smacking of lips, no rude comments, ever!

It must also be a generational thing since nobody I knew, men and women alike ever thought it was a demeaning thing to do, or experience. Or were women too intimidated to speak up against the habit?

I don't need any convincing now since my daughter set me straight, but am always amazed how things have changed during the 67 years I have lived in Canada!

 

[horseless carriage]

I can’t tell you how much I absolutely detest this patronizing term. It makes me sizzle just thinking about it.

You and me both, I am not your love, I have a love and she is my only love, we have been married a very long time.
Another patronising and condescending way to bring me out in hives is to use my first name with the term, "Hi," when corresponding by letter. You start with: Dear Mr. ******, and you end with, Yours faithfully the first time and Yours sincerely after that. Note, faithfully and sincerely do not have capital letters.

 

[chic]

I didn't give them any attention but the men I encountered were a little more aggressive.
I remember I was getting a drink of water at a bar and a guy came up and grabbed my rear
and said something unacceptable. I waited casually until I received the water and then slowly
poured it over his head! They were just uncouth idiots!

How did he react to that?

 

[Gaer]

How did he react to that?

Don't know, I walked away.

 

[Magna-Carta]

Here is one for you then. Have you ever heard of anyone being called "duck". Depending which extended family members I'm with, I might be called duck. The phrase can be heard often in some circles of my part of England.

No, but I believe I've been called something only one letter off...

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Ive been called buck & yuck too! ... Oh, I see, you mean F.... Well I can't type it can I, because this forum will automatically change the word to something like **** So we will never know what you meant.

But anyway, "duck", a word often used towards me by many of my female cousins. But some men will call me duck on occasion too:

Word on the street is (so I don’t know how true it is), that “duck” as a term of affection is thought to come from the Anglo-Saxon word 'ducis' which was meant as a term of respect; similar to the Middle English 'duc', 'duk' which denotes a leader, commander, general; from which comes the title 'Duke' and the Old French word 'ducheé' - the territory ruled by a Duke, allegedly? You might all be calling each other duck, soon. Well, apart from a few I can think of. They know who they are.

I’ve been also known as “treacle” as a child, by both family members and non family members, I don’t know why either, and “flower”, and “flower power”

 

[Alligatorob]

I didn't give them any attention but the men I encountered were a little more aggressive.
I remember I was getting a drink of water at a bar and a guy came up and grabbed my rear
and said something unacceptable. I waited casually until I received the water and then slowly
poured it over his head! They were just uncouth idiots!

Sounds like an appropriate response. Probably a drunk uncouth idiot!

 

[Been There]

When I was in the military, I would address any male below me as “Mister.” It’s a fine line with females. Some prefer Ma’am, some prefer Sir, believe it or not. I usually played it safe and addressed the majority by rank. Ladies, don’t get mad at me, but we had a few females that would go off if they weren’t addressed by their rank.

 

[Pinky]

While in Australia, I loved hearing the store clerks saying "G'day Mate!" I also like "Hello, luv!"

 

[Bella]

This is a bit distressing because I use "Sweetheart" a LOT, particularly when someone has been kind or helpful to me, or especially polite to me. But I mean it literally. I want the person to know that I recognize and appreciate their sweet heart.

No one has slapped me yet.

I also say "sweetheart" for exactly the same reasons. Usually it's to someone much younger who's done something nice for me. If it's a middle-aged or older gentleman, I say, "Hello, there," and "Thank you, sir." Or if it's an older woman, "Hello, my dear," and "Thank you, my dear."

 

[caroln]

I remember a story my (now deceased) brother in law told me. Back in the 60s he was a big rig truck driver and usually rather shy. But one day he was driving down a street and saw a woman pushing a baby carriage, all hunched over, looking tired and just dragged out. He felt kind of sorry for her, so as he went by he gave her a "wolf whistle" and she suddenly straightened up and got a little perk in her step. As a rule I don't think wolf whistles are acceptable, but in this case I like to think he made her day.

 

[-Oy-]

North West England then, generally speaking.

Yep - Guilty

 

[CarolfromTX]

As a teacher, I used “sweetie” a lot, especially if it was a kiddo I didn’t really know. I still use ma’am and sir and if I get it wrong, we’ll they can just deal with it.

 

[Old Salt]

I remember a story my (now deceased) brother in law told me. Back in the 60s he was a big rig truck driver and usually rather shy. But one day he was driving down a street and saw a woman pushing a baby carriage, all hunched over, looking tired and just dragged out. He felt kind of sorry for her, so as he went by he gave her a "wolf whistle" and she suddenly straightened up and got a little perk in her step. As a rule I don't think wolf whistles are acceptable, but in this case I like to think he made her day.

See, there are kind, well-meant wolf whistles too! Q.E.D.

 

[Lavinia]

Having met him a few times - and on one of those spent a day with him as his photographer for an event - I can assure you - he IS wonderful. My humble opinion of course

I admire him as an actor, but I went right off him when he came to Blackburn and was giving a talk to children. It was supposed to be about his career but he concentrated on talking about his homosexuality.

 

[Capt Lightning]

You and me both, I am not your love, I have a love and she is my only love, we have been married a very long time.
Another patronising and condescending way to bring me out in hives is to use my first name with the term, "Hi," when corresponding by letter. You start with: Dear Mr. ******, and you end with, Yours faithfully the first time and Yours sincerely after that. Note, faithfully and sincerely do not have capital letters.

Dear horseless carriage,
I'm pleased that I'm not as sensitive as you. I do despair at the misuse of the English language, especially by BBC personnel. However, I do not get 'hot under the (bespoke) collar' or feel patronised by attempts to sell me goods and services by using my first name. I had a lengthy career in IBM and one of the first things I found out was that all employees in the UK were addressed by their first name. I have more important things to think about than that.
We used to have an informal competition in the department for the "Pedantic B*****d of the year'. I never won it.

Yours sincerely, Capt. Lightning

 

[RadishRose]

 

[Llynn]

For some reason, back in the dim dark days of TV, one of the two stations we could receive ran a lot of early post-war movies from the UK. You know, the ones from Rank Organization which were filmed in dim light using a dark filter. (Or perhaps the weak picture tube on our crappy second hand TV set just made them look that way) As I recall it seemed that every middle aged woman in those films called every man they encountered "ducks" or "ducky".

 

[Dave03]

Interesting discussion.

I never really thought about this until now.

As I got older, and people started calling me sir, I always had the urge to turn around and see if my dad was standing behind me. His name was Sir, not mine.

Anyhow, as the years have passed, I'd like to say I don't even notice it, but I do. But, it's nice when people are respectful. Heck, I get called different names, but I haven't ever taken it as an insult, because in that moment, it wasn't meant as an insult.

A perfect example of this happened this morning, as I was leaving Dunkin Donuts. A young man held the door open for me, and I said "Thank you." He said, "Sure thing, Poppop." I wasn't the least bit offended. I actually chuckled.

I've also been called Gramps, Pops, etc. It just doesn't bother me.

As far as how I address others, I never realized it until this thread, that I call men sir if they're grown men, but anyone under, say, 30, I'll call them young fella. And if they're really young, say, under 12 or so, I'll call them young man, just to maybe make them feel a bit more grown up.

Women, on the other hand, regardless of age, from the time I could talk, have always been referred to as Ma'am. That was ingrained in me from day one.

 

[seadoug]

I've been working with the same tax accountant for 17 years, and I know his assistant well. She goes over my tax returns, asks me for any additional information she needs and calls me when my returns are finished. I even hug her each time I see her. She can't be more than 8 years my junior, but she still calls me "sir". I still don't understand why she doesn't call me by my first name, but I never call her out on it. Maybe she has been trained by her boss to do this, but it is still a bit disconcerting.

BTW my tax accountant is gay, and his assistant has met my partner so she knows I'm gay so I just don't understand the "sir" thing.