Not a fan of life or living

[feywon]

Me, I'm not suicidal, just not happy.

The 988 line is not just for those with suicidal ideations. As with physical physical health timely recognition and treatment of one's problems are better than catastrophic emergency measures. If you have no one you can discuss your unhappiness with without feeling you're burdening them--- call the 988#.

 

[feywon]

I have dealt with 3 people who were threatening suicide. I have also had to investigate a few who carried it out. One of those threatening suicide quickly came to mind. This man came home from work and had his wife and children leave the house. He then told his wife as he pushed her out the door to call for the coroner. He had been suffering from depression, but his doctor had ok’d him to return to work.

When the 911 call came in, I was just coming on the shift at 6:15 p.m. I was working 4-12 hour shifts that week. I quickly did a U-turn and headed for the house. When I arrived, the wife was crying and had taken the kids to the neighbor about a half mile away. After I took her story, I radioed for backup (Code 2, lights on, but no siren) and a negotiator for a threatening suicide.

It was almost a half hour before the negotiator showed up. After informing her of the situation, she called the house and they talked it out for about 20 minutes. He agreed to come out without any weapons. The lady told me that he may have not been serious about his suicide, but may have done it without someone offering him options. He was really reaching out for help. I asked her what she told him. She said that she promised him that no harm would come to him, that he would not go to jail and would take him to see someone that would help him feel better and get well. It had seemed to me that she agreed with most of what he was telling her. She told me this is no time or place to argue with someone that is about to jump off the cliff. I guess things worked out for him because I never got another call to go to his house and in fact, I saw him on his tractor mowing a few weeks later.

Thank you for posting this. Might get Ed or others feeling stressed to call 988, or talk honestly to someone about their state of mind (often easier when there's no personal history with the listener).

I've battled depression since age 11, and have heard variations of all the responses on this thread repeatedly. This thread has been difficult for me in many ways but in general i find it encouraging that so many are trying. I know that most hotlines used to (still may) just try to keep people talking till they could at least get a promise the caller would 'hold on' another day and call again before acting on their suicidal ideations.

Even before my NDE i was often 'dawn patrol' for those in similar place. Some will know what that means, if not ask. Often the best you can do is to really listen, rather than offer platitudes or advice-- unless they ask you directly for advice on specific issues troubling them.

The one thing i will share from my own experience is that physical death does not free of consciousness only from physical pain. So one might as well deal with ones problems as best we can in here/now.

If you feel their issues too complex for you tell them that, and encourage them to at least call 988. Which i suspect may have directories (thanks to computer databases) of local places the person could get help, low-cost or free.

 

[Mr. Ed]

I've experienced true psychosis on three occasions, 1975, I was searching to find myself, instead I became permanently lost. Social standards and peer pressure insisted I work and be productive within a matter of weeks I gained and lost employment from a lack of mental stability. My parents viewed me as lech and burden to society. Psychosis erased my mind and simple living skills such as choosing to sit in the chair or on the couch, what kind of eating utensil I should choose, do I drink now or should I eat a vegetable if so which one? Life was a guessing game, in my mind I knew if I made a mistake by choosing something out of order would be catastrophic.

Paranoia added to the regulation and mystery of life, I spent a great amount of energy trying to second guess life and any response I considered necessary. Obviously my response to life were merely guesses and far from accurate.

I do not recall the triggering factor causing the next psychotic breakdown. However, Social Security renounced my eligibility for Medicare and disability benefits because I worked part-time. SSDI was a new concept by the Federal Government to provide subsidize income to people with disabilities. However, in time I needed further hospitalization, now without medicare or parents insurance So my parents admitted me to the State Hospital in Georgia. I was a mess but my stay there gave me time to sort some things out.

The last psychotic event happened in 2005 and I had to learn how to live again by mirroring the conduct and actions of my wife and peers. My daughter attended a mental health day treatment facility. After I was discharged from the hospital there was no where I could go to learn social skills. By law the mental health facility could not prevent me from receiving support, so I was not allowed to be there before 3:00pm after everyone had gone.

I taught myself how to drive again, enrolled in Community College, Dean's List every semester, Founder/President of first successful Active Minds chapter in Community College. graduated with honors. I went on to achieve a Bachelor's degree in Human Services.
I take issue not with accomplishment but with no further frontiers to explore due to health and discrimination. I am kidding myself into believing there is more to life. I am disappointed but for the life of me I do not understand what’s so great about life when there is nothing great about life?

 

[Pepper]

Your wife is a saint.

 

[Mr. Ed]

Your wife is a saint.

Well, I don’t know if sainthood is an accurate term?

 

[Shalimar]

Your wife is a saint.

I don‘t understand.

 

[Pepper]

I don‘t understand.

I was being facetious. I meant his wife stood by him through it all.

 

[Knight]

I am disappointed but for the life of me I do not understand what’s so great about life when there is nothing great about life?

The other option sucks. Life is an opportunity to do something. You might try using your education to tutor others or like you have done here on the internet show how it's possible to overcome a mental disability.

You do understand your ability to express thoughts is a gift not everyone possesses.

 

[Mr. Ed]

I've experienced true psychosis on three occasions, 1975, I was searching to find myself, instead I became permanently lost. Social standards and peer pressure insisted I work and be productive within a matter of weeks I gained and lost employment from a lack of mental stability. My parents viewed me as lech and burden to society. Psychosis erased my mind and simple living skills such as choosing to sit in the chair or on the couch, what kind of eating utensil I should choose, do I drink now or should I eat a vegetable if so which one? Life was a guessing game, in my mind I knew if I made a mistake by choosing something out of order would be catastrophic.

Paranoia added to the regulation and mystery of life, I spent a great amount of energy trying to second guess life and any response I considered necessary. Obviously my response to life were merely guesses and far from accurate.

I do not recall the triggering factor causing the next psychotic breakdown. However, Social Security renounced my eligibility for Medicare and disability benefits because I worked part-time. SSDI was a new concept by the Federal Government to provide subsidize income to people with disabilities. However, in time I needed further hospitalization, now without medicare or parents insurance So my parents admitted me to the State Hospital in Georgia. I was a mess but my stay there gave me time to sort some things out.

The last psychotic event happened in 2005 and I had to learn how to live again by mirroring the conduct and actions of my wife and peers. My daughter attended a mental health day treatment facility. After I was discharged from the hospital there was no where I could go to learn social skills. By law the mental health facility could not prevent me from receiving support, so I was not allowed to be there before 3:00pm after everyone had gone.

I taught myself how to drive again, enrolled in Community College, Dean's List every semester, Founder/President of first successful Active Minds chapter in Community College. graduated with honors and went on to get a Bachelor's degree in Human Services after three years study at a Bible college. It's not that I have not accomplished anything, it is in fact, there are no more horizons to cross because of age and opportunity. I am sad for the years I missed however, this was not an issue until sadly I realized I was far beyond my prime. I need a passion, a project to throw myself into.

 

[Medusa]

I've experienced true psychosis on three occasions, 1975, I was searching to find myself, instead I became permanently lost. Social standards and peer pressure insisted I work and be productive within a matter of weeks I gained and lost employment from a lack of mental stability. My parents viewed me as lech and burden to society. Psychosis erased my mind and simple living skills such as choosing to sit in the chair or on the couch, what kind of eating utensil I should choose, do I drink now or should I eat a vegetable if so which one? Life was a guessing game, in my mind I knew if I made a mistake by choosing something out of order would be catastrophic.

Paranoia added to the regulation and mystery of life, I spent a great amount of energy trying to second guess life and any response I considered necessary. Obviously my response to life were merely guesses and far from accurate.

I do not recall the triggering factor causing the next psychotic breakdown. However, Social Security renounced my eligibility for Medicare and disability benefits because I worked part-time. SSDI was a new concept by the Federal Government to provide subsidize income to people with disabilities. However, in time I needed further hospitalization, now without medicare or parents insurance So my parents admitted me to the State Hospital in Georgia. I was a mess but my stay there gave me time to sort some things out.

The last psychotic event happened in 2005 and I had to learn how to live again by mirroring the conduct and actions of my wife and peers. My daughter attended a mental health day treatment facility. After I was discharged from the hospital there was no where I could go to learn social skills. By law the mental health facility could not prevent me from receiving support, so I was not allowed to be there before 3:00pm after everyone had gone.

I taught myself how to drive again, enrolled in Community College, Dean's List every semester, Founder/President of first successful Active Minds chapter in Community College. graduated with honors and went on to get a Bachelor's degree in Human Services after three years study at a Bible college. It's not that I have not accomplished anything, it is in fact, there are no more horizons to cross because of age and opportunity. I am sad for the years I missed however, this was not an issue until sadly I realized I was far beyond my prime. I need a passion, a project to throw myself into.

A passion project is a great idea!
I'm finding comfort and healing in the company of horses. There is one for you; it's just a matter of figuring what it is. Awesome that you're thinking along those lines. Good luck in this quest. ♥