Not a question, nothing exciting, just a general struggle and a wish

B

Blessed

Well-known Member
I am at really a low point, anxiety, depression, Yes I see the doctor, yes I take meds for depression. I just don't sleep well. I don't sleep at night so I can go out during the day. I am in a really bad lonely place and I am tired of it. I know what to do but I can't do it. I am tired of running the circle of my brain to fix things.

I need some relief, I need something different. I need a quiet cozy place by the water. I could take long walks by the sea, barefoot, sinking my toes into the sand. See the tiny sea creatures basking and playing in the early morning high tide. I could collect shells and star fish that have so much beauty. I could go to the dock and buy shrimp, crab and fish so fresh that would restore my soul. Enjoy the fresh vegetables and fruit for sale by the local farms. I could hear the wild life and watch families creating their memories.

I could be myself, the person who I am deep inside. No need to impress or think of others. Just me for a little while being just plain, simple, boring me. It is a wonderful dream but I can't do it. Money is not the problem, courage to do what I want I can't buy. I know I won't get there, I won't do it, so so sad.
 

We all have times when life seems pointless and we don't see a reason to carry on. Is this what you are experiencing or has this been going on for a long time? It sounds as though you have nothing to keep you going.
I have had a difficult life emotionally, and now I'm living alone with no-one harassing me. I appreciate just being alive and everything that goes with it.
Whatever advice you are given will be nothing new....only you can get yourself motivated.
Is it possible that your medication is adding to your low feelings? All drugs have side-effects, sometimes the cure is worse than the problem. Personally, I don't think drugs help much with depression. A change of thinking is what is needed.
 
Blessed said:
I need some relief, I need something different. I need a quiet cozy place by the water. I could take long walks by the sea, barefoot, sinking my toes into the sand. See the tiny sea creatures basking and playing in the early morning high tide. I could collect shells and star fish that have so much beauty. I could go to the dock and buy shrimp, crab and fish so fresh that would restore my soul. Enjoy the fresh vegetables and fruit for sale by the local farms. I could hear the wild life and watch families creating their memories.
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Just do it
Everything to gain
Nothing to lose
 

Blessed said:
I am at really a low point, anxiety, depression, Yes I see the doctor, yes I take meds for depression. I just don't sleep well. I don't sleep at night so I can go out during the day. I am in a really bad lonely place and I am tired of it. I know what to do but I can't do it. I am tired of running the circle of my brain to fix things.

I need some relief, I need something different. I need a quiet cozy place by the water. I could take long walks by the sea, barefoot, sinking my toes into the sand. See the tiny sea creatures basking and playing in the early morning high tide. I could collect shells and star fish that have so much beauty. I could go to the dock and buy shrimp, crab and fish so fresh that would restore my soul. Enjoy the fresh vegetables and fruit for sale by the local farms. I could hear the wild life and watch families creating their memories.

I could be myself, the person who I am deep inside. No need to impress or think of others. Just me for a little while being just plain, simple, boring me. It is a wonderful dream but I can't do it. Money is not the problem, courage to do what I want I can't buy. I know I won't get there, I won't do it, so so sad.
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Can you share a bit more about what you feel is holding you back from living your dream and being on the road to happiness?
 
Blessed, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I wish I could pick you up, but I know I can't. I'm not going to offer any advice, but I'm going to say something. I know you have the courage inside of you, plenty of courage, to do what you want and need to do. It's there. You take care of your dogs, your house, your grandson, son, and family when need be, and everything else around you. You have it in you to take care of yourself. I think you need encouragement and some love. For as much as it's worth, we're here for you. ❤️

Bella ✌️
 
Blessed said:
I am at really a low point, anxiety, depression, Yes I see the doctor, yes I take meds for depression. I just don't sleep well. I don't sleep at night so I can go out during the day. I am in a really bad lonely place and I am tired of it. I know what to do but I can't do it. I am tired of running the circle of my brain to fix things.

I need some relief, I need something different. I need a quiet cozy place by the water. I could take long walks by the sea, barefoot, sinking my toes into the sand. See the tiny sea creatures basking and playing in the early morning high tide. I could collect shells and star fish that have so much beauty. I could go to the dock and buy shrimp, crab and fish so fresh that would restore my soul. Enjoy the fresh vegetables and fruit for sale by the local farms. I could hear the wild life and watch families creating their memories.

I could be myself, the person who I am deep inside. No need to impress or think of others. Just me for a little while being just plain, simple, boring me. It is a wonderful dream but I can't do it. Money is not the problem, courage to do what I want I can't buy. I know I won't get there, I won't do it, so so sad.
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That's the wrong kind of thinking to achieve a goal if I may say so. You have to say you can do it, you WILL make it. The brain controls everything and negative thinking can defeat you before you even start. So tell yourself positive things and give yourself positive outcomes even though you feel you are lying to yourself. Just try it for a week and see how it goes. Okay?
 
Blessed said:
I am at really a low point, anxiety, depression, Yes I see the doctor, yes I take meds for depression. I just don't sleep well. I don't sleep at night so I can go out during the day. I am in a really bad lonely place and I am tired of it. I know what to do but I can't do it. I am tired of running the circle of my brain to fix things.

I need some relief, I need something different. I need a quiet cozy place by the water. I could take long walks by the sea, barefoot, sinking my toes into the sand. See the tiny sea creatures basking and playing in the early morning high tide. I could collect shells and star fish that have so much beauty. I could go to the dock and buy shrimp, crab and fish so fresh that would restore my soul. Enjoy the fresh vegetables and fruit for sale by the local farms. I could hear the wild life and watch families creating their memories.

I could be myself, the person who I am deep inside. No need to impress or think of others. Just me for a little while being just plain, simple, boring me. It is a wonderful dream but I can't do it. Money is not the problem, courage to do what I want I can't buy. I know I won't get there, I won't do it, so so sad.
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(((Blessed))).. I'm so sorry to hear you're suffering in this way, you're always such a supporter of others... ..

You joined this forum recently.. and have always enjoyed your posts.. . You won't know . as many other don't, that I've been suffering like you, for the last 14 months since my husband left.

I try not to show it on the forum, but a few very good friends on here have been my absolute rock behind the scenes this last year , and without them, and some outside therapy it's not an exaggeration to say I would be in a very different place now . My daughter, and folks on this forum have given me something to get up and keep going for.
I was in a terrible place despite what you might see written here.. by me.. and at one point I was ready to just end it all.. this isn't something I'm proud to admit, but I was at such a low point I considered it.. . This is why I only surround myself with good people.. anyone toxic on here gets instantly put on my ignore list...I'm not dealing with other people's BS, while I'm struggling with my own issues.. ..

I think you need to find some therapy.. I think you need some outside help... the first step is admitting it as you have, now you have to admit it to those who are there to help. First step is to see your Doctor and explain what you've explained here, and ask for some help.. please do it.. it's the first step in a thousand new steps.. you'll get to that Ocean, and you sink your toes in that sand ..as I will too... 🤗
 
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Beautifully said, @hollydolly Ditto to your advice.

Blessed, you have to make the move to be happier; no one else can do it for you. So, think seriously of that ocean, etc. You'll be happy and content, I'm sure.

Are you seeing a specialist for the depression, etc? A psychiatrist? If not, you might want to look into that. We all care about you and want what's best for you. I know I do.

One step at a time....

Big hugs for you.

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Some of the kindest, gentlest people on this forum are gathered on this thread to try and help Blessed, (who is a wonderful person herself.)

I have no words of advice but just reading this gives me faith in the goodness that is in the world.
 
@Blessed

I hear you, as I have been where you are. Therapy, as some have recommended, may help you a great deal. Also, perhaps a different anti-depressive.

Whatever you choose, I hope things improve, so that you can feel more enjoyment in life. Please know that you have friends here who care about you.

Take care of yourself ❤️
 
The longest journey starts with a single step.

Find something in your house that brings you pleasure and concentrate on it. It can be as simple as stroking something with a velvety surface or an article of a particularly pleasing color. Take pleasure in it. Remember a favorite treat you enjoyed as a child and get it for yourself.

Go to the library and get your favorite childhood books to read again. Be a child again. Go out in the rain. Walk in the mud. Keep it simple, but do something childlike every day.

I wish I could load you up in my car and take you to the beach. We could walk for miles (well, maybe blocks) and not talk, just soak up those negative ions.
 
@Blessed
Please know my heart is with you. The world of depression is not a nice place to be. I won’t give you advice, no one thing works for different persons. You have such a big heart, great support for others, so much love inside you. You are so worthy of good things in your life, sadly, depression can put up road blocks that are hard to pass.
Yes, depression is part of my life. We all have different demons haunting us, and no two are alike.
You have a lot of meaningful goals for self help…..you are going in the right direction, and you deserve all in what can make you happy.
You have family, friends and all of us here, that love you and want to support you.
Please, keep reaching out, for help and support, wether it be someone to lean on or just some simple happy conversation.
Pm me if you wish…..would be more than happy to spend time with you, 24/7.
Remember…..you are LOVED…..you are WORTHY.
 
Thinking about you, @Blessed. Please do some internet sleuthing, find a hotel near the closest appealing body of water, and book it for a few days. You can do it, I have faith in you.

As others have said above, you are liked and well-respected on SF. You help take care of others with your gentle, intelligent responses. Now please take care of you.
 
@Blessed I know you have been struggling with your mental health. I went through a 3-4 year long deep depression about 14 years ago. I made it through, as many others have. I am still taking an SSRI and a small amount of Benzodiazepines. I use THC for pain, and get depressed, fatigued, have insomnia, and struggle most of the day with pain, and staying alive. It sucks. But, it IS life. It is what it is. I do think that the dreams you have ( and described in your OP ) are great and can help you take a break from harassing yourself. You know "Row, row, row your boat....life is but a dream". Best of luck. You have a good heart and mind.
 
yes Blessed.. as well as @CinnamonSugar 's beautiful bouquet, you can share in the one I was given today too...

IMG-6138.jpg
 
@Blessed I feel your pain. My melancholy or sadness/depression whatever it is sometimes makes me unable to see my way clear in things/decisons. It's compounded with health issues and family issues.

You said you don't sleep at night in order to go out in the day. That's a problem. I used to stay up all night and sleep in the day, which is rough due to neighborhood noise, lawnmowers, sunlight, and so on. It was not a restful sleep.

Did you determine why you can't take a little time away just for you? Are people dependent on you? Do you think if you went away it would look selfish?

Please go for a little break, but please don't do it to be even more lonely. I long to live by the water, it may never happen.

So many things that I wanted for my life will never and have never happened. Sometimes I feel jealous and sad, but never envious or resentful. There are things not in my control and this is the hand dealt to me.

@Blessed you said:

"I could be myself, the person who I am deep inside. No need to impress or think of others. Just me for a little while being just plain, simple, boring me. It is a wonderful dream but I can't do it. Money is not the problem, courage to do what I want I can't buy. I know I won't get there, I won't do it, so so sad."

Be who you are right where you are. There is no need to impress anyone. People who don't like or love you or appreciate the real you are not your friends. Family can be just as divisive as strangers. End of my sermon.

Take care and have a peaceful, sleepfilled weekend. Please let us know how you get on.
 

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