Not that anyone is asking

terry123 said:
So sorry to hear this Murr. I think I would call the case worker who visited and demand to be told what happened! There has to be something you can do!!
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I decided to email George, Collin's former CPS worker for Sacramento County. It was George who took the initial complaint and then contacted CPS in Collin's county. Then that worker called me to basically verify what was said in the complaint.

I don't expect to hear back from George until next week. He's gonna feel real bad about what's happened but I don't think he'll be surprised. He worked closely with Tara and pegged her as a habitual liar and manipulator. There's nothing he can do about this except put it in a report - something like, "mother is obstructing healthy relationships beneficial to the child as an act of impunity" and then file it with the original complaint. George documents everything because he knows it can come in handy down the road.
 
Murrmurr said:
I decided to email George, Collin's former CPS worker for Sacramento County. It was George who took the initial complaint and then contacted CPS in Collin's county. Then that worker called me to basically verify what was said in the complaint.

I don't expect to hear back from George until next week. He's gonna feel real bad about what's happened but I don't think he'll be surprised. He worked closely with Tara and pegged her as a habitual liar and manipulator. There's nothing he can do about this except put it in a report - something like, "mother is obstructing healthy relationships beneficial to the child as an act of impunity" and then file it with the original complaint. George documents everything because he knows it can come in handy down the road.
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Good, wish you could get custody of that child. You probably are but please document everything. I had a friend that worked in Center, Texas that was a case worker and she always told me how important that was in her cases.
 

I realize I missed the prior page when I advised you to do nothing or as little as possible with CPS. Too late, but my advice still stands. The less you deal with them, the better. I do so wish I hadn't skipped the past page before I chimed in.

When you invite the government into these types of situations the worst is usually the outcome.
 
Pepper said:
ps
It is not unusual for a three year old to still want a bottle, be in diapers, speak gibberish. Three years old is not too "old" for this behavior, nor is it "immature."
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My oldest son Grant had a night time bottle til was nearly 3 and he was really hard to potty train, and that was fine because I knew why. But I know Collin, too. He's easy to teach because he understands difficult-for-a-toddler concepts on a level like I've never seen in a toddler before. My daughter was quicker than my sons. Collin is even quicker than she was.

His speech is worse than when he left last Nov. He strings more words together, and I catch a word here and there, but most of it is incomprehensible. He barely moves his lips and tongue while he talks, and he has like a concerned expression the whole time. And now I don't know if that's because he knows he isn't being understood or if it's because he's afraid he will be. His mother probably understands him but she's obviously not teaching him to pronounce everything better. I get that she's got 2 younger ones, but jeez, take 10 minutes!

Because she probably understands what he says is why I didn't do the way I did my sons...I had them watch me pee. I guarantee after one or two times, Collin would want to do it that way too. But he'd probably tell his mom that Uncle Frank has hair *there* or whatever, and she'd be writing that down.
 
Pepper said:
I realize I missed the prior page when I advised you to do nothing or as little as possible with CPS. Too late, but my advice still stands. The less you deal with them, the better. I do so wish I hadn't skipped the past page before I chimed in.

When you invite the government into these types of situations the worst is usually the outcome.
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I totally agree, and I was well aware that CPS in Tara's county acted quickly to close her case. For one, they didn't know her at all, and for another she lives quite a ways from their offices and it's not all good roads back in there. Plus it was snowy at the time. And also I know how CPS works. It's one of the most inefficient, inept, archaic systems in government, and that's as bad as anything can get.

That's why I didn't call them myself. I told Tara that I "suspect" my doctor called them but she's not having it.
 
Thank you, Frank, for understanding my intent in butting in and giving advice. I was kind of nervous you'd tell me myob. I'm relieved.😌
 
Had a really good time subbing for team Elite's 3rd base coach this weekend. This was a Special Games double-elimination tournament put on by parks & recreation where my brother lives. Eight teams participated, Little League Major Division (age 9-12), and we were in excellent position to move to the playoff when the games were called this morning due to wind and rain. Parks & rec will decide if they can continue next weekend.

We had 1 loss and it was to a team who had a 9 y/o who looked 15, not exaggerating. Dude had bigger feet than our studly 1st base coach! When I can look a 9 y/o dead in the eyes, it's time to age-verify (checked out). And he had the skills of a 15 y/o veteran player too, so it was a good loss; nothing to be embarrassed about there.

Had a lot of fun and a stellar post-games BBQ.
 
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Murrmurr said:
My oldest son Grant had a night time bottle til was nearly 3 and he was really hard to potty train, and that was fine because I knew why. But I know Collin, too. He's easy to teach because he understands difficult-for-a-toddler concepts on a level like I've never seen in a toddler before. My daughter was quicker than my sons. Collin is even quicker than she was.

His speech is worse than when he left last Nov. He strings more words together, and I catch a word here and there, but most of it is incomprehensible. He barely moves his lips and tongue while he talks, and he has like a concerned expression the whole time. And now I don't know if that's because he knows he isn't being understood or if it's because he's afraid he will be. His mother probably understands him but she's obviously not teaching him to pronounce everything better. I get that she's got 2 younger ones, but jeez, take 10 minutes!

Because she probably understands what he says is why I didn't do the way I did my sons...I had them watch me pee. I guarantee after one or two times, Collin would want to do it that way too. But he'd probably tell his mom that Uncle Frank has hair *there* or whatever, and she'd be writing that down.
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Letting him watch you, you would go to jail for that these days.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Letting him watch you, you would go to jail for that these days.
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If I ever get the chance I'm gonna tell his dad to take Collin into the bathroom with him when he pees, and take his younger brother too, for that matter. Collin would learn so quick, I know he would. It's just that easy. And the sad thing is, Tara loses her temper the most over potty training issues.
 
So here’s the reason I got to have Collin for the weekend:
2 weeks ago Collin’s mom, Tara, called her mother to say she’d wrecked her car and needed help. Collin’s grandma gets to the scene where Tara drove her van into a ditch, and now it wouldn’t start. Tara had one of the 2 y/o twins with her; Collin and the other twin were home with their dad, and they don’t have a second car.

The van was towed to the grandma’s house because her boyfriend is an auto mechanic, and grandma drove Tara and the baby home. She visited with her grandkids for a while and asked their parents if she could have Collin over the following weekend. They said yes, but when the weekend came, Tara told her mother that all 3 kids were sick so Collin had to stay home.

Last Saturday, Tara’s friend took her and the family to Collin’s grandma’s house to get the van, all fixed. Grandma wanted Collin that weekend (this past weekend) so she made up a story. She told Tara that my granddaughter, Ariel, was having her 11th birthday party on Sunday, and that Ariel wanted Collin to be there. Ariel actually turned 11 on the 4th (May the 4th be with her), but Tara doesn’t know that, and she said yes, Collin could go to Ariel’s party but only if he spent the weekend with me, not his grandma.

So, Tara left Collin with his grandma who then called me and told me this whole thing. I called Ariel’s mom and told her, and we decided to throw a second 11th birthday party for Ariel. Naturally, Ariel didn’t mind at all. Then Collin’s grandma brought him over here Saturday afternoon. Tara was going to pick him up on Monday, but she text me to ask if I’d keep him until Tuesday.

“pfftt! Not a problem.”

When Collin got here he had scratches all over his face and neck and bruises on his arms that were obviously made by adult fingers, as though he’d been grabbed really hard by the arms. And there were scrapes there too, as though he’d been shaken or (more likely) tossed. His grandmother suspects the scratches and bruises were fresh on the weekend Tara said Collin couldn’t go anywhere because the kids were sick. Likely so, because the scratches were pretty much scabbed over and the bruises were beginning to fade - green and grey-blue instead of purple and black-blue.

Collin told me his younger brother clawed his face and that the bruises on his arms were from daddy. I called CPS in their county and got the same ol’ “kids make stuff up” bs, but she told me to take lots of pictures and document everything.

I didn’t say anything to Tara when she picked him up, which wasn’t easy. Even harder was not choking her to death, but I did tell Collin that I’d see him again…because he was begging me not to make him go with her. Tara repeated "You'll see Uncle Frank again" and I hope that's true.

Sometimes people kidnap kids for a very good reason. You guys talk about bucket lists? That one’s on mine.
 
terry123 said:
I feel for that poor baby. I can see where that would be on your bucket list. Will you call CPS and show them the pics. What is it going to take to get that child away from her. I feel for those twins, too.
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I'm not sure what it's going to take with CPS. I'm supposed to take pictures and write down things I see and what he says and how he behaves over several visits. I'm guessing they'll come into play if I ask CPS to open a new case or if I file a complaint with family court, like a request for custody or intervention. His grandmother is talking about trying to get custody of all 3 kids.

She's a good person who loves her grandkids very much, but I'm not sure about her chances; she's kind of scatter-brained, a super-excitable reformed meth and heroin addict (ten years clean), and she has a nice big house but it's a squatter situation. The house was her mother's, it's in a reverse mortgage, and she hasn't told the bank that the mother died a few months ago. That's not gonna look good in family court.
 
Murrmurr said:
I'm not sure what it's going to take with CPS. I'm supposed to take pictures and write down things I see and what he says and how he behaves over several visits. I'm guessing they'll come into play if I ask CPS to open a new case or if I file a complaint with family court, like a request for custody or intervention. His grandmother is talking about trying to get custody of all 3 kids.

She's a good person who loves her grandkids very much, but I'm not sure about her chances; she's kind of scatter-brained, a super-excitable reformed meth and heroin addict (ten years clean), and she has a nice big house but it's a squatter situation. The house was her mother's, it's in a reverse mortgage, and she hasn't told the bank that the mother died a few months ago. That's not gonna look good in family court.
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Can you just set up a CCTV camera in the house to capture everything he says, , and how he looks with regard bruising etc .?..surely that would be evidence ?

This is such a heartbreaking story :(
 
hollydolly said:
Can you just set up a CCTV camera in the house to capture everything he says, , and how he looks with regard bruising etc .?..surely that would be evidence ?

This is such a heartbreaking story :(
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I could do that but I'm not sure how useful it would be unless I can show how he behaves at home. His grandmother says he's a totally different person when he's with me; smiles and laughs, talks a lot more, plays more...just generally a happier kid.

It is heartbreaking. It's really hard on him, and he's too young to know any good ways to cope with it. I hope he doesn't turn to self-destructive ways at some point. That's what a lot of kids in his situation do. And there's a lot of them.
 
Collin's coming this weekend! Yay!

But this is weird; Saturday is his 3rd birthday and his mom's text said "We're not going to have a party for him, so I thought you might like to take him this weekend."

The twins turned 2 in April and Tara invited everybody and their freakin goldfish. They had a bouncy house and everything.

Why doesn't she just give him to me, man? What's in it for her? If it's the food stamps, I'll comp the freakin witch.

Anyway, we are going to paaaartayy!
 
That is great news! I am sure he needs it and you do to. I always loved it when mine were 3, 4, and 5 as they were so innocent and yet would say the most amazing things! He will have to have a cake and everything y'all like to do. Please give us some pictures of your amazing time.
 
terry123 said:
That is great news! I am sure he needs it and you do to. I always loved it when mine were 3, 4, and 5 as they were so innocent and yet would say the most amazing things! He will have to have a cake and everything y'all like to do. Please give us some pictures of your amazing time.
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3 to 5 is a super-cute age, and yes, they say the most amazing things. With my own sons, at age 13-15 they grew closer to me, like most boys do at that age. Great conversations, good times watching sports, going fishing and camping and stuff. Such a cool time.

My daughter was a daddy's girl up to about age 15. Then, she raged for about 10 years. Whooboy!
 

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