Not that anyone is asking

dseag2 said:
I'm so sorry, Frank. I know how long you have battling to make sure Paxton is in a good home. This breaks my heart. Please keep the faith!
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This particular county where Paxton and his mother lives is huge but sparsely populated. There are several big farms and a big vineyard, then some quaint, tiny villages spaced far apart along the highway, then you pass through some small cities and little towns on your way up into the mountains toward beautiful Lake Almanor. (Head north from there and you'll see Mount Shasta.)

So anyway, Almanor County Department of Child Protective Services covers a lot of miles, and you've got honest farmers at the west end (out of Sacramento), and peacefully retired folks and a popular mountain resort at the east end. In between are meth lab operators, illegal pot growers, and people who hate the police and nosey people for various reasons. Those in-betweeners are rough, under-educated folks, and Paxton's mother is very well-suited for that area. And imo, so are most of the people who work at CPS!
 

hollydolly said:
Just a quick description from the NHS website Frank...

Buprenorphine is a strong opioid painkiller. It's used to treat severe pain, for example during or after an operation or a serious injury, or pain from cancer. It's also used for other types of pain you've had for a long time, when weaker painkillers have stopped working.
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Hey I just realized yesterday the new pain medication is Duloxetine, not Buprenorphine. My bad.

They're delayed release but long-acting. Relief is supposed to not wane at all for a full 8hrs, which means maybe 6hrs in the real world. I took one 30mg capsule 3X/day for one month but they weren't working very well at all, so the doc told me yesterday to take the 3 all at once; 90mg every afternoon, which is when I need them most, and I can take 20mg Norco in the morning, and 10mg at night, plus 600mg Ibuprofen.

So, today I started the new dosages. Supposed to take a few days or so to sort of build up in my system (more specifically, my brain receptors, probly).

Could be another name for Buprenorphine, idk.
 
Murrmurr said:
Hey I just realized yesterday the new pain medication is Duloxetine, not Buprenorphine. My bad.

They're delayed release but long-acting. Relief is supposed to not wane at all for a full 8hrs, which means maybe 6hrs in the real world. I took one 30mg capsule 3X/day for one month but they weren't working very well at all, so the doc told me yesterday to take the 3 all at once; 90mg every afternoon, which is when I need them most, and I can take 20mg Norco in the morning, and 10mg at night, plus 600mg Ibuprofen.

So, today I started the new dosages. Supposed to take a few days or so to sort of build up in my system (more specifically, my brain receptors, probly).

Could be another name for Buprenorphine, idk.
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have a look Frank.... https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/duloxetine/about-duloxetine/
 
Pepper said:
I don't like delayed release.
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Yeah, so far they may as well be a placebo.

This has gotten so frustrating. Pain is exactly that plus really boring. When I do something like wash dishes, wash clothes, cook, or especially vacuum and mop, I have to stop every 10 minutes and sit for 15 or 20, and then get back to it for another 10 minutes. So Michelle tells me don't bother, she'll do it, but then what do I do? Sit all day except when I walk to the mailbox and back? I hardly ever bitch n moan, but I really hate this. I'm trying to accept that this is just where I'm at now, but my mind goes to a dark place sometimes and that sux.

I can accept it at some point if I just keep working at it. I have no choice, really. Not right now anyway, with a fairly young wife who has goals and a 4yr-old who could possibly knock on my door sometime in the coming months. I suspect his grandma will bring him over after Tara gets custody, if Tara allows it.

I'm just in a big fat long funk. Pretty sure it'll pass. Jeeze, this new med causes mood swings, too. Freaking-yay.

Some good news, though. I gained a few pounds. I now weigh a whopping 149.5 lbs. fwee! 🥳 (😒)

my normal is 185-190
 
dobielvr said:
Pain is so depressing.
I always tell myself 'tmrw will be better' and try to believe it...
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Because there's no way my spine will improve over time, I know the pain won't get better, so I tell myself to appreciate the amazing surgeons who made it possible for me to walk and even run. Tomorrow won't get better, but today I'm a million times better than I would be if not for them and my wonderful PCP.
 
Murrmurr said:
Because there's no way my spine will improve over time, I know the pain won't get better, so I tell myself to appreciate the amazing surgeons who made it possible for me to walk and even run. Tomorrow won't get better, but today I'm a million times better than I would be if not for them and my wonderful PCP.
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Years ago, I mean like 40 yrs ...when I was experiencing horrible pain from my ankylosing spondylitis, I started to notice that my back and neck were starting to fuse all on their own. When this happened, a lot of my pain in those areas subsided. I still have some movement in my neck...thank goodness.

Have you had any fusing happen? I bet a lot of your pain would hopefully end.

I'm glad you're in such good hands w/your medical providers.
 
dobielvr said:
Years ago, I mean like 40 yrs ...when I was experiencing horrible pain from my ankylosing spondylitis, I started to notice that my back and neck were starting to fuse all on their own. When this happened, a lot of my pain in those areas subsided. I still have some movement in my neck...thank goodness.

Have you had any fusing happen? I bet a lot of your pain would hopefully end.

I'm glad you're in such good hands w/your medical providers.
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I don't know, but I don't think so.

My back specialist orders an MRI every year or two, to keep track of progress and problems, and I look at them with him. I don't recall him ever saying anything fused or that he fused anything.

So yeah, I don't think so.
 
I text Jackie this morning (Paxton's grandmother). I just asked how she's doing, but of course, I was curious about Paxton. Jackie said Tara (her daughter), got custody of Paxton and the twins yesterday morning and they've already visited her (Jackie) twice. She said Paxton seems much happier and more well adjusted than he was a few months ago, when he started therapy. That was good to hear. But I'm sure he was super happy to see his grandma at her house, and to be in his room there, and play with his own toys.

She was at work but she has "a lot to tell me" so she said she's gonna call me this weekend. I hope she brings the kids over sometime. Depends on if Tara lets her.
 
So, I should talk about what happened that made Michelle dial 911 the other night.

Now and then, maybe 5 or 6 times a year, one or both my legs will go completely numb. Like, I'll get out of bed and put my feet on the floor ok, but when I go to stand up, I just drop straight to the floor. Sometimes it happens while I'm awake sitting in a chair, but then I can feel it coming. Starts with a burning sensation in the lowest part of my back, the heat travels down my leg, and then it goes numb. And sometimes it's both legs.

Usually only lasts 15-20 minutes, and then they're back in business. It's a neurological issue from an old spinal injury, and it's been going on for about 2 years now.

So I was on my way to wash up while Michelle was dishing up some dinner for us, and without any warning whatsoever, my left leg and foot sort of went totally straight and stiff, and it like catapulted me several inches up off the floor and off to the right, and I slammed into the hall cabinets and then hit the floor. It was the weirdest freaking thing. For a second I had no idea what happened, but then my leg started jerking but it was still perfectly straight and stiff, like even my foot and my toes were pointing straight out, like a ballerina on serious point. But at the same time, the whole leg was spazzing out, jerking my body around. Looked like a seizure.

Then, both my legs and feet got a super severe burning sensation, and I mean like fire. It was horrible. I was so convinced my legs were on fire, I started slapping them. Like trying to put the flames out, and yelling the whole time.

Michelle totally freaked out, and started screaming "What's happening! Frank! My God, what is happening!"

That's when I realized I couldn't feel myself slapping my legs. They'd gone numb....paralytic numb. I couldn't feel them and I couldn't move them, but I could still feel that fire, clear to the bone, too. Excruciating pain, man. I never want to feel that again.

At the ER they shot me full of morphine, and the fire subsided a bit, and then a whole lot more. My left leg relaxed, my foot got back to normal, and I was all "Ahhh. Oh, man. Oh baby, this is awesome...this is like way better." 🤪 (no sh1t, Sherlock)

So anyway, the next day my legs were pretty ok. Sore - probably from the muscles totally seizing up - but ok enough to walk around. But my back was hurting real bad, so I got a little more morphine. Nice. Then they did a CT scan or MRI, I don't remember which. They found a non-malignant tumor IN my spinal column, right up in there against the spinal cord....you know, your nerve center, pretty much. The tumor's kind of small; about 3 centimeters long x 1 centimeter thick, they said. (I just checked; 3cm = a smidge over an inch) So it's kind of like a little worm nestled in there....where it does not belong!

My spine specialist and my new neurologist need a closer look to see if it's operable, so I have to go for more imaging next week. If it isn't operable, they'll keep checking it to see how fast it's growing. Really, if it's growing at all, I would think it has to come out. It could be risky, is all. But it's not right to walk around with a worm in your spine.

Meanwhile they'll inject it with a cocktail of stuff that includes corticosteroid, I think, and....I don't remember what else they said is in it, but it's supposed to make the thing shrink.

I tell you true, I wanted to bring some of that morphine home. That stuff is fantastic!
 
Murrmurr said:
So, I should talk about what happened that made Michelle dial 911 the other night.

Now and then, maybe 5 or 6 times a year, one or both my legs will go completely numb. Like, I'll get out of bed and put my feet on the floor ok, but when I go to stand up, I just drop straight to the floor. Sometimes it happens while I'm awake sitting in a chair, but then I can feel it coming. Starts with a burning sensation in the lowest part of my back, the heat travels down my leg, and then it goes numb. And sometimes it's both legs.

Usually only lasts 15-20 minutes, and then they're back in business. It's a neurological issue from an old spinal injury, and it's been going on for about 2 years now.

So I was on my way to wash up while Michelle was dishing up some dinner for us, and without any warning whatsoever, my left leg and foot sort of went totally straight and stiff, and it like catapulted me several inches up off the floor and off to the right, and I slammed into the hall cabinets and then hit the floor. It was the weirdest freaking thing. For a second I had no idea what happened, but then my leg started jerking but it was still perfectly straight and stiff, like even my foot and my toes were pointing straight out, like a ballerina on serious point. But at the same time, the whole leg was spazzing out, jerking my body around. Looked like a seizure.

Then, both my legs and feet got a super severe burning sensation, and I mean like fire. It was horrible. I was so convinced my legs were on fire, I started slapping them. Like trying to put the flames out, and yelling the whole time.

Michelle totally freaked out, and started screaming "What's happening! Frank! My God, what is happening!"

That's when I realized I couldn't feel myself slapping my legs. They'd gone numb....paralytic numb. I couldn't feel them and I couldn't move them, but I could still feel that fire, clear to the bone, too. Excruciating pain, man. I never want to feel that again.

At the ER they shot me full of morphine, and the fire subsided a bit, and then a whole lot more. My left leg relaxed, my foot got back to normal, and I was all "Ahhh. Oh, man. Oh baby, this is awesome...this is like way better." 🤪 (no sh1t, Sherlock)

So anyway, the next day my legs were pretty ok. Sore - probably from the muscles totally seizing up - but ok enough to walk around. But my back was hurting real bad, so I got a little more morphine. Nice. Then they did a CT scan or MRI, I don't remember which. They found a non-malignant tumor IN my spinal column, right up in there against the spinal cord....you know, your nerve center, pretty much. The tumor's kind of small; about 3 centimeters long x 1 centimeter thick, they said. (I just checked; 3cm = a smidge over an inch) So it's kind of like a little worm nestled in there....where it does not belong!

My spine specialist and my new neurologist need a closer look to see if it's operable, so I have to go for more imaging next week. If it isn't operable, they'll keep checking it to see how fast it's growing. Really, if it's growing at all, I would think it has to come out. It could be risky, is all. But it's not right to walk around with a worm in your spine.

Meanwhile they'll inject it with a cocktail of stuff that includes corticosteroid, I think, and....I don't remember what else they said is in it, but it's supposed to make the thing shrink.

I tell you true, I wanted to bring some of that morphine home. That stuff is fantastic!
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What an an experience I hope you never have to experience that pain again...

I know that standing up and falling down immediately scenario.. caused by your back. I have the same thing.. once or twice a year.. but my back doesn't go numb, it's excruciating pain, and my back is incapable of holding my body up, and as soon as I go to stand up I fall to the floor..

Morphine doesn't work on me..I must be the only person in the world it not only doesn't ease the pain.. but it doesn't give me any high that people report.. I remember the look on one ER nurse's face as she pumped ever more morphine into me over a period of half an hour and it made not a jot of difference
 
hollydolly said:
What an an experience I hope you never have to experience that pain again...

I know that standing up and falling down immediately scenario.. caused by your back. I have the same thing.. once or twice a year.. but my back doesn't go numb, it's excruciating pain, and my back is incapable of holding my body up, and as soon as I go to stand up I fall to the floor..

Morphine doesn't work on me..I must be the only person in the world it not only doesn't ease the pain.. but it doesn't give me any high that people report.. I remember the look on one ER nurse's face as she pumped ever more morphine into me over a period of half an hour and it made not a jot of difference
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My back doesn't go numb, either. Just my leg(s) and kind of up into my hips a bit.

I've read that morphine doesn't work for a rare few. I'm the opposite, I think. A total lightweight. Even the generic Cymbalta I started taking recently made me feel drunk as hell. I mean, it was kind of fun at first, but it was like being drunk 24/7, and those days were over before I was even legal age.

My doctor had increased the Duloxetine/Cymbalta but I had to back it way off within a few days. You're supposed to ride that wave for a few weeks until your brain adjusts to the chemicals, but, nah, no thank you. I kind of like my brain chemistry the way it is.
 
Murrmurr said:
Oh, and cool news from Paxton's grandma.

I'm leaving this here to remind me, because I need to get to bed. 💤
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I got a text from Paxton's grandmother yesterday. She wants to come visit on Sunday. Paxton made a something for me and Michelle. She said he asks about me a lot, and he asked for a picture of me. 😢 So I text her a few pictures of me and him together.

Now, this is crazy.......Paxton and the twins are living with their mom in a freaking shelter. CPS and family court gave her custody even though she's still homeless. Instead of getting them into emergency housing, they put them in a shelter. W...T...F...?????

That's why they go to their grandma's every day. And I know it's about money. The nearest emergency housing is in Sacramento County, so Amador County would have to transfer the case, and Sac would get the $federal.

Sickos. CPS is flush with sickos.
 
Murrmurr said:
I got a text from Paxton's grandmother yesterday. She wants to come visit on Sunday. Paxton made a something for me and Michelle. She said he asks about me a lot, and he asked for a picture of me. 😢 So I text her a few pictures of me and him together.

Now, this is crazy.......Paxton and the twins are living with their mom in a freaking shelter. CPS and family court gave her custody even though she's still homeless. Instead of getting them into emergency housing, they put them in a shelter. W...T...F...?????

That's why they go to their grandma's every day. And I know it's about money. The nearest emergency housing is in Sacramento County, so Amador County would have to transfer the case, and Sac would get the $federal.

Sickos. CPS is flush with sickos.
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Just beyond Belief. I'm sorry for Paxton , and I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you Frank. It seems like it's an ongoing battle... :(
 
Murrmurr said:
So, I should talk about what happened that made Michelle dial 911 the other night.

Now and then, maybe 5 or 6 times a year, one or both my legs will go completely numb. Like, I'll get out of bed and put my feet on the floor ok, but when I go to stand up, I just drop straight to the floor. Sometimes it happens while I'm awake sitting in a chair, but then I can feel it coming. Starts with a burning sensation in the lowest part of my back, the heat travels down my leg, and then it goes numb. And sometimes it's both legs.

Usually only lasts 15-20 minutes, and then they're back in business. It's a neurological issue from an old spinal injury, and it's been going on for about 2 years now.

So I was on my way to wash up while Michelle was dishing up some dinner for us, and without any warning whatsoever, my left leg and foot sort of went totally straight and stiff, and it like catapulted me several inches up off the floor and off to the right, and I slammed into the hall cabinets and then hit the floor. It was the weirdest freaking thing. For a second I had no idea what happened, but then my leg started jerking but it was still perfectly straight and stiff, like even my foot and my toes were pointing straight out, like a ballerina on serious point. But at the same time, the whole leg was spazzing out, jerking my body around. Looked like a seizure.

Then, both my legs and feet got a super severe burning sensation, and I mean like fire. It was horrible. I was so convinced my legs were on fire, I started slapping them. Like trying to put the flames out, and yelling the whole time.

Michelle totally freaked out, and started screaming "What's happening! Frank! My God, what is happening!"

That's when I realized I couldn't feel myself slapping my legs. They'd gone numb....paralytic numb. I couldn't feel them and I couldn't move them, but I could still feel that fire, clear to the bone, too. Excruciating pain, man. I never want to feel that again.

At the ER they shot me full of morphine, and the fire subsided a bit, and then a whole lot more. My left leg relaxed, my foot got back to normal, and I was all "Ahhh. Oh, man. Oh baby, this is awesome...this is like way better." 🤪 (no sh1t, Sherlock)

So anyway, the next day my legs were pretty ok. Sore - probably from the muscles totally seizing up - but ok enough to walk around. But my back was hurting real bad, so I got a little more morphine. Nice. Then they did a CT scan or MRI, I don't remember which. They found a non-malignant tumor IN my spinal column, right up in there against the spinal cord....you know, your nerve center, pretty much. The tumor's kind of small; about 3 centimeters long x 1 centimeter thick, they said. (I just checked; 3cm = a smidge over an inch) So it's kind of like a little worm nestled in there....where it does not belong!

My spine specialist and my new neurologist need a closer look to see if it's operable, so I have to go for more imaging next week. If it isn't operable, they'll keep checking it to see how fast it's growing. Really, if it's growing at all, I would think it has to come out. It could be risky, is all. But it's not right to walk around with a worm in your spine.

Meanwhile they'll inject it with a cocktail of stuff that includes corticosteroid, I think, and....I don't remember what else they said is in it, but it's supposed to make the thing shrink.

I tell you true, I wanted to bring some of that morphine home. That stuff is fantastic!
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Gosh that's an awful experience you had. And terrible for Michelle, as well. Thank you for sharing with us, more about what happened though.
 

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