Not that anyone is asking

Jules said:
JMO, please avoid picking up either child this weekend. That’s so hard when they’re small and want it. You too.
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I will. With Michelle here to help, that's totally do-able.

Interestingly, while Paxton is a tall, thick brick of hefty bones and muscle, Landon's a tiny guy with the meat and bones of a bird. I'm not kidding. I've picked him up, and I was like, Whoops, cuz I expected some weight to him, you know? It was like picking up a stuffed animal when you're thinking it's the real thing. He's a twin, they were born premature, and their mom used a lot of meth during the pregnancy. Landon's twin sister is pretty robust looking, but he's undersized for his age. But he's catching up, though.
 

So the kids' knows-everything caseworker put the kibosh on Landon coming along with Paxton this weekend. Pisses me off. She wants me to have the twins every other other weekend and Paxton every other other weekend. So Paxton would be here only 1 weekend a month. He's already had his Unca Pwank weekends cut in half. So stupid. I don't get the point at all.

So Michelle helped me compose this email to the worker:

"I just want to clarify the goal of weekend visit arrangements.

Paxton and the twins have lived under the same roof for less than a year - the several months that they lived with their parents, and the few months they have lived in their current foster home. The twins lived for 2 years with the [foster family], and Paxton lived for just under 3 years with me. Due to covid restrictions from mid 2019 through the year 2020, the [twins’ foster parents] and I were unable to enjoy the family weekends and other gatherings we had planned for the children. Paxton and his twin siblings saw very little of each other during this lengthy period.

Beginning in Jan 2021, while living with his parents, Paxton arrived here for visits every weekend with injuries; mostly to his face, but often to all extremities as well. His mother said that Landon caused these injuries (I took many pictures).

While living in their current foster home, my wife and I have observed only one injury on Paxton; a distinct bite on the arm, obviously from a small mouth. Paxton told us that Landon bit him. I believe Landon learned from his mother that Paxton deserved being bullied, or is at least considered a “lesser person” than he (Landon) and Zoey.

The children’s current foster family is obviously diligent in preventing Landon’s bullying of Paxton. [Foster mother] says she is observing a budding closeness between Landon and Paxton.

This is why I disagree with separate weekends at my home for the twins and Paxton. They have experienced years-long separations, and the twins have experienced being treated differently from Paxton at their parents’ home. I feel that alternating Landon+Paxton and Zoey+Paxton weekends will help their foster parents break the “Twins vs Paxton” cycle. I feel it will assist the children in forming individual relationships with each other, as opposed to emphasizing that there is some sort of chasm between twin children and the non-twin child.

Please reconsider your decision about separate twin/ non-twin weekends.

Thanks,
Frank"
 
Perhaps you’ve sent this, if not I have a comment. You raised Paxton as your son for almost 3 years, he is your priority. Maybe they don’t realize this. You want to see him and will accept the others to help Paxton.
 

Jules said:
Perhaps you’ve sent this, if not I have a comment. You raised Paxton as your son for almost 3 years, he is your priority. Maybe they don’t realize this. You want to see him and will accept the others to help Paxton.
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I will accept the others. I WANT to have time with them, I just hate this divide between the twins and him. He definitely feels it. He thinks there's something wrong with him because he has no twin. I want to help Pax be a buddy to his little brother and a champion of his little sister, as though those 2 aren't twins, but just normal siblings. I wanna stop this him vs them thing, a culture his mother built.

When Pax was living with me and the twins with the other foster family, and their bio-mom finally went into rehab and started doing what she needed to do to get them back, she told her CPS attorney that she only wanted the twins, not Paxton. Literally chose the 2 over the 1....because the twins made her special, a super-mom. It's sickening.

If she gets custody of these kids this time, I am going to lose what tiny bit of confidence I have left in the CPS system.
 
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Jules said:
Perhaps you’ve sent this, if not I have a comment. You raised Paxton as your son for almost 3 years, he is your priority. Maybe they don’t realize this. You want to see him and will accept the others to help Paxton.
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And I did send it. Believe me, it would have been a whole different email if Michelle hadn't done a lot of editing. Various expletives and questions like where in the hell she got her license deleted. That worker has known the kids, kind of, for 3-4 months. I've known Pax and his situation intimately all his life. Me and the twins' previous foster family are supposed to be part of the "team." Our input is supposed to be important.

I hope the worker reconsiders. If she doesn't, then I'm going to ask for EVERY weekend, so Pax will have 2 a month and the twins 2 a month. But I hate taking part in emphasizing that some sort of difference exists between twins and singles so they must be kept separate.
 
Paxton's parents had a hearing before a judge yesterday. CPS asked that the kids not be returned to their mother! The judge told their father that if he separated from their mother, got his own place that's safe and secure, and had a steady income, he would be given the kids, but as it is the kids are now wards of the state. Their mom is a POS, so this is good news!

Next step is a trial where CPS will ask the judge to terminate the mother's parental rights and persuade the court that it's in the best interest of the children. If the father ends his common-law relationship with the mother and all that, he could maintain his parental rights. And that means this case could drag out for many, many months before either the dad gets custody or the kids are adoptable.

Meanwhile, the the kids will stay with their foster family, who, to me, seem to be good, caring people. But it's also possible the kids could come and live with me and Michelle and we could foster them....that's up to the caseworker and the court.
 
Last week I emailed my doctor that I decided to relent and try an increased dosage of my Norco. We've tried adding Gabapentin for breakthrough pain and a generic of Zoloft to help me manage living with pain, but all that stuff did was make me constantly tired and extremely dull, made my hands shake, made me feel off-balance, and gave me severe diarrhea.

I'm only 2 days into not taking all that stuff, just the Norco and an anti-inflammatory, and I feel SO much better. It's only ok at reducing the pain, but it does reduce it. But I feel like myself again, and that's more than ok.
 
Oh, and about the email in post #402; the caseworker said no, but a new caseworker was assigned. Her name is Christy.

Also, I talked to the kids' foster mom when I dropped Pax off to her on Sunday, and it sounds like she wants them assigned to another foster home sometime soon! I'll post more about it when I get more information. If it's true, Michelle and I are hoping we'll be considered.
 
I had a thought, I'll share with you here, in case it helps for you and Michelle to consider it as another possible good option,
though I do fully know, that you and she know the entire situation far better than I do.

If the children are going to be moved to a new/different foster home, I would surely request that Paxton be moved to you instead,
And I would consider requesting in addition, that you have the twins come for regular visitations (with Paxton and you two)
rather than requesting all 3, to move in, initially.

It might be better for Paxton and for everyone, to be more gradual and measured about taking the twins. You could then decide later on sometime, whether to request the twins to come more or fully.

Again, it's just an idea for you to consider, if it fits.
 
Murrmurr said:
Also, I talked to the kids' foster mom when I dropped Pax off to her on Sunday, and it sounds like she wants them assigned to another foster home sometime soon!
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This seems like a red flag for having all of them together. It’s sounds like there were too many issues. Maybe you can talk to her.

Kaila’s idea sounds reasonable.
 
Kaila said:
I had a thought, I'll share with you here, in case it helps for you and Michelle to consider it as another possible good option,
though I do fully know, that you and she know the entire situation far better than I do.

If the children are going to be moved to a new/different foster home, I would surely request that Paxton be moved to you instead,
And I would consider requesting in addition, that you have the twins come for regular visitations (with Paxton and you two)
rather than requesting all 3, to move in, initially.

It might be better for Paxton and for everyone, to be more gradual and measured about taking the twins. You could then decide later on sometime, whether to request the twins to come more or fully.

Again, it's just an idea for you to consider, if it fits.
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I like it, too. You know, I told Michelle from the get-go that I didn't want our home to be a foster home, yet here we are.

I'm really looking forward to talking to the new caseworker, Christy. Now that CPS has contested reunification, Christy will be taking over the kids' case soon. And if bio-mom loses her parental rights at trial, then CPS have to start looking right away for a permanent home via adoption. In CPS/Family Law, permanency is especially urgent in cases with kids who are 0 to 3-years old.

Michelle agrees with me that the twins' former foster parents would be great parents for all 3 kids, and they want all 3. They're loving people, and they have a nice big home with a beautiful yard, in a nice neighborhood with good schools. They have family vacations every year and weekend get-aways and all that, and they're very open to us and the kids' "Gaga" being part of their family.

That said, if/when the kids are available for adoption, but the court decides that they should be separated because Landon is still violent toward Paxton, then Michelle and I will apply to adopt Paxton, and there's an excellent chance we would be approved. In the meantime, if he's placed here for foster care, and the twins are placed with their former foster parents, we'll visit back and forth to make sure the kids have a relationship.

We keep in touch with the twins' former foster parents by email, and we've discussed this. Their adoption hopes are high, but we all know that CPS and Family Court can disappoint, so they're as mentally prepared for a let-down as anyone can be. Still, I know she'll cry if they don't get the kids. She already feels like the twins' mother and now she's dreaming about being Paxton's mother too.
 
The twins are coming here for the weekend!

I'm really pissed that their current caseworker insists on not separating the twins. I know it would be better if Paxton came every time and bring one of the twins with, but since the caseworker doesn't believe me, I told her I'll do this every weekend instead of every-other weekend. That way, Pax still gets his 2 weekends a month. She agreed. So, we'll have the twins and Pax on alternating weekends.

But hopefully, the new caseworker will agree with me that Paxton + a twin is better for them, and if we can keep it at every weekend that'd be great too.
 
Kaila said:
Busy and hopefully fun weekend for you! :)
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Thank you, Kaila.

I just finished making a bed for Zoey using parts of Paxton's old crib. I hope she likes it. Landon will sleep in Paxton's bed. And I spent a lot of time today child-proofing the apartment, because they're only 2. Michelle will probly do some tweaking here and there, but I think we're good.

We didn't plan a bunch of stuff because we'll mostly be getting to know each other better. Ariel will come over on Saturday and spend the night. She's tons of fun, and a good helper too. Plus there's a boat-load of toys here that they've never played with, so I think they'll have a good time.
 
Murrmurr said:
A promontory on the pacific coast called Bodega Head is where my life took a bad turn. Me and a dive-buddy just finished checking out this deep freshwater pond situated just inland from Campbell Cove. I’m not sure that pond has an official name but people in the area call it The Hole in the Head. Some guys working there thought we were going to dive it and asked if we had a permit, which we didn’t but that wasn’t the plan anyway, so we crossed the peninsula over to the west shore of Bodega Head and that’s where it happened. I stepped out onto a sturdy rocky shelf to find the best way down to the shoreline and saw it would be a tricky hike so I put on my wetsuit bc it was better than carrying it. Then I stepped back out even farther just to check again which was really stupid bc there was s strong gusty wind up there, and that was literally my downfall.

I might have posted about this somewhere already but this is a diary, so not only might I repeat myself sometimes, sometimes I won’t use spell check and the grammar and punctuation software. But I’m sure nobody feels pressured to read diaries so, yeah, sometimes I won’t bother with that stuff.

So anyway, I had a few non-life-threatening spine fractures, and bone shards got stuck in some lumbar and thoracic nerve roots, and my spine shifted out of alignment a few degrees here and there. Moreover, my liver was busted up a bit and some of the contents of my stomach splashed out onto the rock I landed on. Not a good scene. I had surgery and that fixed me up adequately and I healed fast and went back to work in less than 2 months but I had to take it easy for another month. But years along, when I started having severe back pain, my new doctor saw bone shards still in there, along with the misalignment being increased by a significant degree but I didn’t have the second surgery until about 5 years go when it was ok (and kind of imperative) for me to retire.
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Oh, man. that is a bad one. I can't even imagine what your pain must have been. I too broke my back when I fell off a roof and landed on a concrete driveway BUT my spinal fracture was nowhere near as bad as yours. Still the pain was excruciating. Thank God for morphine. After the Dr shot me up, the nurses told me later that I was actually laughing while waiting for the surgeon.
 
senior chef said:
Oh, man. that is a bad one. I can't even imagine what your pain must have been. I too broke my back when I fell off a roof and landed on a concrete driveway BUT my spinal fracture was nowhere near as bad as yours. Still the pain was excruciating. Thank God for morphine. After the Dr shot me up, the nurses told me later that I was actually laughing while waiting for the surgeon.
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Yeah, I don't think I did a whole lot of laughing before surgery, but afterward, when the surgeon came in to talk about serious stuff like whether I'd walk again or not, I cracked up. I don't remember now what I thought was so funny...maybe because his timing was pretty laughable.

I was kept sedated for a couple of weeks. They didn't put me in a cast - there was a reason for that, but I don't remember what it was - so the sedation was mainly to keep me from moving around so that everything could start healing well.
 
Murrmurr said:
Yeah, I don't think I did a whole lot of laughing before surgery, but afterward, when the surgeon came in to talk about serious stuff like whether I'd walk again or not, I cracked up. I don't remember now what I thought was so funny...maybe because his timing was pretty laughable.

I was kept sedated for a couple of weeks. They didn't put me in a cast - there was a reason for that, but I don't remember what it was - so the sedation was mainly to keep me from moving around so that everything could start healing well.
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Could have been the morphine . all I know for certain is that prior to the morphine I had a great deal of trouble NOT screaming. After the morphine I don't recall anything for 3 days. People said they visited me and brought me sodas and hamburgers but I never could remember that. Dr feel good and his magic syringe.
 
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