Okay, (by popular demand), a thread about what was wrong with the ex.!

grahamg said:
Hero, anyone lasting more than seven years has my admiration! :)
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After that I was also in a long term relationship for many years after my divorce until he asked me to move across the United States for his job and also marry him. I could not give up my career and also move away from my family so I declined and he went away. I have not been in a relationship since.
 
First wife might have fallen for the old 'Man in Uniform' thing.

Like many who married into it, the time away can take a toll on a marriage.
Not your typical 9 to 5 type job.
She just couldn't handle the moving and me being away so much.

Never faulted her for that. She explained and I accepted it.

My wife now of 34 years, is a strong, supportive lady.
Given all the things I have asked of her over the years, we are closer than ever.

Sorry, didn't mean to get side-tracked.
 
grahamg said:
Just for the record, my ex wasn't evil, as far as I'm aware no one else discussing their exes on this thread have called them evil, so carry on in whatever way you wish, but please don't mislead or obsfucate on this thread, if you don't mind!
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Well, well - - I learned a new word today, "obsfucate". Thought I'd try it out.

My wife asked me to do an unpleasant task and in answer, I said, "Why don't you go and obsfucate yourself?" She didn't bat an eyelash and said, "Just take out the trash and be quick about it!" Guess I didn't quite impress her with my "new word".☹️
 
charry said:
GreAt Thread Grahamg
I can let it all out 😂😂
My ex was one obnoxious , controlling , nasty bully........who could never control me lol
So out he went, ,!......pathetic man.........
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I forgot to mention, in relation to men trying to control their wives, the comments made by Gandhi, (yes the Mehatma), who as you may remember trained as a lawyer before becoming active politically, and demanding independence from "the British Raj", had married and learnt a lesson, or was taught a lesson by his wife.

Believe it or not, this obviously highly intelligent man, according to his autobiography, did not want his new wife going out of their house alone, or without him, and she chose to defy this unreasonable stricture, (completely unfathomable to us today, in western societies, but a very different situation in his country a hundred plus years ago).

So being a control freak isn't confined to just the unintelligent, though in his case he did learn the error of his ways! :)
 
DaveA said:
Well, well - - I learned a new word today, "obsfucate". Thought I'd try it out.
My wife asked me to do an unpleasant task and in answer, I said, "Why don't you go and obsfucate yourself?" She didn't bat an eyelash and said, "Just take out the trash and be quick about it!" Guess I didn't quite impress her with my "new word".☹️
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You may need to practise using your new word a little, cos its a goodun ya knows, and can't be tossed around willy nilly, (glad to hear you're obeying the missus though!). :)
 
Feelslikefar said:
First wife might have fallen for the old 'Man in Uniform' thing.
Like many who married into it, the time away can take a toll on a marriage.
Not your typical 9 to 5 type job. She just couldn't handle the moving and me being away so much. Never faulted her for that. She explained and I accepted it. My wife now of 34 years, is a strong, supportive lady. Given all the things I have asked of her over the years, we are closer than ever. Sorry, didn't mean to get side-tracked.
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An old neighbour of mine, whose husband Jack died just before I moved in to her street, told me about her wartime experience when newly married and pregnant her husband was sent overseas and didn't return to the UK for seven years!
They'd have to get to know one another again wouldn't they, and he'd have to get to know his son and vice versa, which they managed and lived very happily together, (though she unfortunately couldn't have more children by this time she said). :)
 
Maryatrics said:
After that I was also in a long term relationship for many years after my divorce until he asked me to move across the United States for his job and also marry him. I could not give up my career and also move away from my family so I declined and he went away. I have not been in a relationship since.
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I once had a girlfriend whose marriage had failed after she declined the chance to move herself and their two children to Hong Kong where he'd found a very good job. He formed a relationship with a local girl over there and they had a child together, and my friend had the awful experience of this "new wife" turning up at her door to announce she now had first claim on him, (shock enough for anyone obviously!)! :(
 
grahamg said:
Thanks for commenting, and thanks even more for showing restraint because the thread would get out of hand without it I think you'll agree, (I didn't go into the cheating and lying of my ex., and the other unreasonable stuff, that looking back on it so many years on, showed just how incompatible we were!).
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You are most welcome!😚
 
More divorce info:
https://www.psycom.net/divorce-culture

​

STATE OF THE (DIS)UNION: A BRIEF HISTORY​

Divorce is such a pervasive, buzzed-about and ever-present part of our social fabric that it can feel, at times, as if everyone’s doing it—or at least thinking about it. Statistically, we know that’s not actually the case: The well-worn data about 50 percent of all marriages ending in divorce no longer holds true—these days, it’s closer to around 40 percent, due to factors like people waiting longer and longer to get married. (According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the median age for first marriages reached an all-time high in 2018 at 30 years for men and 28 years for women.)

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DIVORCE AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD​

Whether we’re devouring all the dirt on the latest celebrity split or swapping secrets at book club, there’s no denying it: Other people’s breakups are an endless source of fascination and speculation. “There is some vicarious pleasure in it,”

But schadenfreude isn’t the only—or main—fuel for our curiosity. The real reason is that the dissolution of others’ relationships hits us close to home, literally. “It makes us confront our own feelings,” “When you see a friend getting divorce, it’s very scary, because you know it could happen to you.” It’s especially destabilizing if the news seemingly comes out of the blue sky. “When it’s a couple that everyone thought had their act together, it makes you wonder, ‘What things am I not seeing in my own marriage?’”

Which explains, then, why there’s a collective eagerness to “get to the bottom” of what really happened in a divorce. “People need to know that someone is at fault—it helps them understand and feel like they have a handle on it,” . After all, knowledge is power. “The sense is, ‘The more I can learn about the problems and details, the better I will be at making sure this doesn’t happen to me,’” .

Under the guise of compassion, we pepper the divorcing individuals with probing questions. “People’s inquiries are in part supportive, in part fact-finding, and in part to pat themselves on the back for not going through the same thing,” A natural—but unfortunate—byproduct is the inclination to take sides.

Unsurprisingly, the majority of us tend to stick with the horse we rode in on. “Most people line up behind their closer friends and blood relatives,”. This impulse can seem unfair or even downright cruel to the individuals on the wrong end of the equation., “One woman told me she had come to terms with losing her spouse, but the ongoing grief she felt about losing her in-laws has caught her off-guard.”

Once lines have been drawn in the sand, it’s difficult for people to carry on having a positive relationship with both parties. “Mutual friends often feel conflicted about who to side with,”. “Trying to maintain relationships with both feels like a betrayal to one or both of the spouses.”

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Although society is giving a gentler pass to divorcing couples, they may not be extending themselves the same courtesy; much of the judgment around divorce is self-imposed. “There is a sense that a divorce is a failure rather than another chapter in life,”. “You think, ‘I wasn’t able to make this work, I’m embarrassed,’ and you assume that other people are usually judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself, which is not usually the case.”

We’re even physiologically wired to suffer through divorce. Researchers who’ve delved into the neuroscience of romantic love have tracked the brain’s response to loss and rejection. They observed that the end of a relationship activates, among other areas, the parts of the brain that house our reward and survival systems. It turns out that we are—just like the pop song warned—addicted to love, as dependent on it as we would be to a substance like cocaine. So it follows, then, that when that drug is taken away from us, it can trigger obsessive, wildly out-of-control thoughts and behaviors.

Unfortunately, the frequently excruciating aspects of divorce are not short-lived. “It typically takes people one to two years to recover,” That might seem extreme, until you consider that divorce touches upon virtually every aspect of normal existence. “Everything is in upheaval. Divorce brings about so many changes—and at a time when you’re also feeling rejected, angry, betrayed and terrified.”
 
FastTrax said:
Peter Falk too. He was one of the biggest skirt chasers in Hollywood. Shera Danese Falk knew it too. The tabloids said 99% of the skirts he chased he caught. He, Ben Gazzara and John Cassavetes were tight. Poor Dick Cavett.
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Those committing adultery must have a fairly strong psychological make up in my view, especially those intending to leave their marriage because they know they'll be uncovered, or perhaps desire inflicting this news on their souse/partner.
 
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