Opinions Needed please!

Keesha

Keesha

🐟
Location
Canada 🇨🇦
We have a young couple that moved in next door to us a few years ago. Since our properties are fairly large they aren’t really close in distance but we get along very well with them. They are great neighbours and we really like them.


We are friendly with them but respect their privacy. Lately they’ve been building a large shed in their backyard so the mom and dad were over helping. I’d gone to visit my parents house but half an hour after I got home we heard a commotion outside the house.


Apparently the mom either passed out or had a heart attack. 911 was called so medical service arrived to help. Of course they took a while to get there and they had a hard time starting her heart but they finally did.


Anyway she got driven to the hospital but we don’t know what happened. My husband and I think she may have died.
The young man was only 22 when he bought the house and his girlfriend only 19. He has a twin brother.


We’d like to know what happened so that we can at the very least offer our condolences and a card but we aren’t sure how to find out.


Is it rude to just ask, how his mother is doing or should we wait until he’s ready to tell us?


My husband and I feel so bad about what’s happened. This family is so close and the mom was so very sweet.
 

You might just say something like, "I hope your mother is OK; we have been concerned." I'm sure they will appreciate the thought and you don't have to ask any direct questions and feel like a busybody. :D Do your local newspapers carry obituaries? You can also look online at funeral homes; they typically have obits for the recently deceased.
 

Thank you ladies. Unfortunately we are only on a first name basis. We don’t know their last names.
Perhaps we might see them outside in the next few days and have a chance to ask.
They aren’t following their regular routine which is why I think she may have died.

I’ll still pray that it’s not true.
Its difficult knowing the right thing to say and do when things like this happen. It’s so very sad. :(
 
If you want to know their last names, you could give the tax lot number to the county and they'd tell you.
It's a pretty easy look up.
The tricky part, I s'pose, would be finding out his mother's last name.....
 
Gary O' said:
If you want to know their last names, you could give the tax lot number to the county and they'd tell you.
It's a pretty easy look up.
The tricky part, I s'pose, would be finding out his mother's last name.....
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I considered that. I’d assume her last name is the same as her sons but I’m not sure.
Perhaps I could make a banana bread or something and take it over there and in doing so ask but then I might end up bawling and mess it all up. I’m really not good with these things.

Thanks Gary.
You people are so nice
 
Keesha said:
I considered that. I’d assume her last name is the same as her sons but I’m not sure.
Perhaps I could make a banana bread or something and take it over there and in doing so ask but then I might end up bawling and mess it all up. I’m really not good with these things.

Thanks Gary.
You people are so nice
Click to expand...

Just don't bawl directly over the banana bread
Otherwise, the bawling won't mess things up
 
Keesha, how did you know that the mom had an emergency illness and that an ambulance took her to the hospital? There's more here that we don't really know that would help in giving you advice. It seems that you already know them pretty well, and therefore it wouldn't seem to be intrusive to inquire about what happened and is the mom okay.
 
Olivia said:
Keesha, how did you know that the mom had an emergency illness and that an ambulance took her to the hospital? There's more here that we don't really know that would help in giving you advice. It seems that you already know them pretty well, and therefore it wouldn't seem to be intrusive to inquire about what happened and is the mom okay.
Click to expand...
We know because the fire truck and ambulance were right in front of our house. Then the police showed up. I’m a bit embarrassed to say this but my husband went outside and stood in our driveway watching the entire thing. Every now and again he’d come in and tell me what was going on. He asked the father if he was ok and he was in tears and said no. Before the neighbour left to go to the hospital once they took the mom, he walked over to the fence line and told him that if he needed us for anything at all that we are here for him. He got all choked up and said he really appreciated it and then left.

I’ve made them banana bread, Zuchinni bread, muffins and decorated gingerbread cookies but actually knew the mom best. She used to come over to let their dogs out and sometimes their dogs would wander over to our property so she’d come over and get them. We’ve talked about gardening and she lost her mom less than 2 weeks before her son purchased the house and we talked about that.

I also helped stop illegal tree cutting in the lot next to them. The forest all around our property is protected land so the trees cannot be cut down and since they both worked I helped them with that which they really appreciated.
So YES I supposed we do know them.

I’m just extra cautious about being respectful of other people’s business that I might possibly be too reserved at times.
 
Why not just ask politely what the emergency was, at the same time offer help/support? I'm sure they'll take it from there & explain everything.
 
Yes! I’ll get up tomorrow morning, walk the dogs, come back and bake something to take over. While I’m there I’ll ask if everything is ok and that we are worried and concerned, all while trying not to cry in the banana bread. :rolleyes:

Thanks you wonderful bunch.

Goodnight.
 
I agree, Keesha. I don't think you have anything to worry about them thinking anything wrong about your concern.
 
It sounds like you live in the same type of area I do. Everyone is on 2 to 3 acres. We are completely fenced in and I talk to my "good" neighbor once or twice a year over the fence. I've never been in her house and she's never been in mine. She came over once and cut my hair but she did it outside in the yard. (I gave her $25 and she did a great job)

Anyway, to answer your question, I'd just go to the fence and yell over and ask someone how the mother was. The banana cake is a nice gesture too. Nothing wrong with tears and hugs too.
 
I have the opposite view... I wouldn't ask at all.! Your husband already spoke with the father, and told him they could contact you if they needed anything. ..so they're aware you know something went wrong.

However do take the baked goodies... how kind you are..:love_heart:. but just wait for them to tell you what happened, and don't ask... If they want you to know they'll tell you...
 
I agree with Holly.

If I was close to these people socially then I would ask but if they are just the people next door I would let them tell me what they wanted me to know, if anything, in their own good time.
 
I don't think it's inappropriate at all to ask after the Mom. Of course you'd be curious seeing those emergency vehicles lined up!! That's just human nature and nothing to be embarrassed about. And it's also kind and respectful to see something like that, know the people involved, and then ask about there person involved. It's not nosy, or rude, or any of the things you think it might be. It's just caring and honestly, we don't have enough caring in the world!
 
Thanks so much for the great advice . It is greatly appreciated.

And whoever is the person that keeps rating my threads should be pathetically ashamed of yourself. It’s pathetic enough that you keep adding a two star rating to many of my threads but to do it to this one, speaks volumes of your pathetic , vindictive character. You spiteful person whoever you are. :mad:
 
We were sort of friendly with a neighbor down the hill,brought over a baby gift when their daughter was born,hubby plowed their driveway after a snowstorm.
When my hubby was hospitalized for Stage 4 brain cancer,I stopped to pickup my mail and the wife was also there (our mailbox was in front of their house,long story),and I told her.
Saw her maybe a couple of weeks later and she asked how Bill was doing and I told her he had passed away...
I didnt have any hard feelings about her asking so I would just go over and ask and if you feel like baking something then do so.
 
You already know them and are friendly with them. It's so sad that simple kindness could be seen as intrusive.

(I never knew how to "rate" a post)
 

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