Pathological and compulsive liars. What are your experiences?

[Magna-Carta]

In this thread, we aim to delve into the complex issue of pathological and compulsive lying and its effects of others on our own mental health and overall well-being.

Share Your Experiences: Have you ever crossed paths with a pathological or compulsive liar? How did their behaviour influence or affect your own mental health and overall well-being? I encourage you to share your personal encounters, insights, and emotional responses. However, please remember that this thread is intended for discussions about the impact of such behaviour on individuals' mental health, and not for disclosing specific personal details about the individuals involved.

Heightened Vigilance: Did your encounters with a compulsive liar make you more vigilant when it comes to detecting dishonesty in others? Did that vigilance become overcompensating -- unwarranted at times? Share how this heightened awareness influenced your interactions with people.

Seeing Through the Deception: When you realized that someone in your life was a compulsive liar, how did it make you feel? Were you able to step outside of their web of lies and gain a clearer perspective on the situation? Share your thoughts on how this realization affected you and your view of the situation.

Finding Clarity: Did the revelation that you were dealing with a compulsive liar bring clarity to your world? How did you regain your sense of perspective and well-being once you understood the truth? Share your journey toward clarity and healing.

Offering Advice: Based on your own experiences, what advice would you give to others who may be dealing with pathological liars? Your insights could be invaluable to those facing similar challenges.

Let's engage in thoughtful and supportive discussions about this complex issue. Remember to be respectful of others' experiences and perspectives. Your contributions can help shed light on a topic that affects many individuals and their mental health.

 

[DaveA]

I don't recall any encounters with the liars you mentioned or possibly I'm too dim-witted to have recognized one if I did? As we've aged, most of our contacts are with close family members and we haven't had any problems there.

 

[Pinky]

I was married to one. As time went by, I realized he was a pathological liar. I don't doubt that he lies to everyone he knows. So glad I am no longer in that relationship.

 

[Magna-Carta]

I was married to one. As time went by, I realized he was a pathological liar. I don't doubt that he lies to everyone he knows. So glad I am no longer in that relationship.

Did you find that the lies spanned across all levels? From the mundane and inconsequential to the most serious and unbelievably ridiculous?

 

[Pinky]

Did you find that the lies spanned across all levels? From the mundane and inconsequential to the most serious and unbelievably ridiculous?

@Magna-Carta
Yes. The longer I lived with him, I came to see that the lying was consistent across all
levels.

 

[Nathan]

I was married to one. As time went by, I realized he was a pathological liar. I don't doubt that he lies to everyone he knows. So glad I am no longer in that relationship.

My EX(kid's mother) was / is like that. I didn't recognize that for many years. Now that I understand that I feel sorry for her, but I'm still glad to have parted ways with her.

 

[jujube]

One of my boyfriends when I was young was a pathological liar. He didn't lie to get out of trouble or to make him more interesting.......he lied "just because". Not big things, just routine every things.

There was neither rhyme nor reason about the things he lied about. I never understood it.

 

[Pinky]

I soon realized my ex was lying to others about me, as well .. that really hurt, as I was very good to him and his whole family.

I'm glad to be rid of him and his toxicity.

The thing is - pathological liars are so good at it, that many people never see it.

 

[Paco Dennis]

Compulsive liars are people who lie frequently and habitually, often without any clear motive or benefit. They may lie to avoid discomfort, gain attention, or cope with their own insecurities1. Dealing with a compulsive liar can be frustrating and exhausting, especially if you care about them or have to work with them. Here are some tips on how to deal with a compulsive liar:

• Be calm and rational. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you when you confront a compulsive liar. Stay calm and avoid accusing them of lying or being dishonest. Instead, focus on the facts and the evidence that contradicts their statements2.
• Don’t take it personally. Compulsive liars may lie to everyone, not just you. They may not even realize how much they lie or how it affects others. Don’t blame yourself for their behavior or feel like you have to fix them3.
• Set boundaries. Decide what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. If the compulsive liar is someone you have to interact with regularly, such as a family member, a friend, or a coworker, set clear boundaries on what you expect from them and what consequences will follow if they break them2. For example, you may tell them that you will not lend them money, trust them with important tasks, or listen to their stories unless they can prove them to be true.
• Protect yourself. Compulsive liars may try to manipulate you, exploit you, or harm you with their lies. Be careful not to trust them with sensitive information, valuable assets, or personal matters. Verify everything they say or do before acting on it. If possible, avoid relying on them for anything4.
• Suggest treatment. Compulsive lying may be a symptom of a mental health condition, such as a personality disorder, an anxiety disorder, or a substance use disorder1. Suggest that the person seek professional help for their condition and offer whatever resources and support that you can. Avoid being judgmental; instead, let them know that you care about them and want them to get better4.
• Expect resistance. When you confront the person about their lies, they may deny it or respond with more lies. They may also get angry, defensive, or hostile. Don’t argue with them or try to force them to admit the truth. Instead, restate your position and your boundaries and end the conversation if necessary2.
• Seek support. Dealing with a compulsive liar can be stressful and draining. You may feel isolated, betrayed, or confused by their behavior. Seek support from other people who understand your situation, such as friends, family members, counselors, or support groups. You don’t have to deal with this alone3

 

[Lewkat]

How does one know who is a pathological or compulsive liar? I should think it would take a great effort to fact-check what everyone ever told me.

In conclusion; who knows. Of course, I've met some liars, but pathology has come into play.

 

[Lara]

I don't recall any encounters with the liars you mentioned or possibly I'm too dim-witted to have recognized one if I did? As we've aged, most of our contacts are with close family members and we haven't had any problems there.

Same here. Sounds scary. My advise to others would be, just try to hang with healthy minded people. I guess that's easier said than done in some cases. You can't choose your family or go-workers.

 

[Magna-Carta]

Compulsive liars are people who lie frequently and habitually, often without any clear motive or benefit. They may lie to avoid discomfort, gain attention, or cope with their own insecurities1. Dealing with a compulsive liar can be frustrating and exhausting, especially if you care about them or have to work with them. Here are some tips on how to deal with a compulsive liar:

• Be calm and rational. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you when you confront a compulsive liar. Stay calm and avoid accusing them of lying or being dishonest. Instead, focus on the facts and the evidence that contradicts their statements2.
• Don’t take it personally. Compulsive liars may lie to everyone, not just you. They may not even realize how much they lie or how it affects others. Don’t blame yourself for their behavior or feel like you have to fix them3.
• Set boundaries. Decide what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. If the compulsive liar is someone you have to interact with regularly, such as a family member, a friend, or a coworker, set clear boundaries on what you expect from them and what consequences will follow if they break them2. For example, you may tell them that you will not lend them money, trust them with important tasks, or listen to their stories unless they can prove them to be true.
• Protect yourself. Compulsive liars may try to manipulate you, exploit you, or harm you with their lies. Be careful not to trust them with sensitive information, valuable assets, or personal matters. Verify everything they say or do before acting on it. If possible, avoid relying on them for anything4.
• Suggest treatment. Compulsive lying may be a symptom of a mental health condition, such as a personality disorder, an anxiety disorder, or a substance use disorder1. Suggest that the person seek professional help for their condition and offer whatever resources and support that you can. Avoid being judgmental; instead, let them know that you care about them and want them to get better4.
• Expect resistance. When you confront the person about their lies, they may deny it or respond with more lies. They may also get angry, defensive, or hostile. Don’t argue with them or try to force them to admit the truth. Instead, restate your position and your boundaries and end the conversation if necessary2.
• Seek support. Dealing with a compulsive liar can be stressful and draining. You may feel isolated, betrayed, or confused by their behavior. Seek support from other people who understand your situation, such as friends, family members, counselors, or support groups. You don’t have to deal with this alone3

Some very good points there. I recognise everything that is in this post. However, when it comes to confronting them with facts it often leads to more elaborate lies, fostering doubt in others regarding the person who is trying to present facts. Anything to cast doubt in other people when presenting facts. Many people will believe what they want to believe. The closer one gets to calling them out with evidence, the more likely they engage in gaslighting, in my experience that it.

Where you can, it is best to walk away and end a friendship or relationship. It's not good for either party.

 

[Nathan]

How does one know who is a pathological or compulsive liar?

I'm sure that technically there is a difference, but I think that both are disorders of the mind, maybe differing levels of severity.

 

[debodun]

Well, then, I won't brag about the three Nobel Prizes I won in Chemistry.

 

[Magna-Carta]

I'm sure that technically there is a difference, but I think that both are disorders of the mind, maybe differing levels of severity.

One definition I read is that a pathological liar tends to lie frequently, often without a clear reason or benefit to themselves. Pathological lying not being an illness in itself, but their behavior may be linked to underlying psychological conditions and other personality disorders. Engaging in continuous and sometimes irrational lying patterns.

I read that a compulsive liar lies in response to specific situations or to achieve personal advantages, like avoiding trouble or gaining sympathy. Although there may be some crossover between the two. Their lying behavior can be a learned response, repeatedly used as a way to cope with various circumstances. While compulsive liars may lie frequently, their lies are often more situation specific and goal oriented compared to the continuous, often irrational lies associated with pathological lying.

I have an aunt who is sometimes described as a compulsive liar, but I struggle to see her motives. One of her claims is that she was assaulted at the site of her house in the dark. Some people wondered if it was her husband. She did nothing to dispel that.

When I was looking after my terminally ill mum during covid, my aunt told other relatives I'd said to my aunt that my mum "...its riddled with cancer and will die a terrible death". I said nothing of the kind as a conversation with my aunt never took place. Eventually, this false conversation got back to my mom who became really upset. I still don't know the motives of this lie. I caused one of the few occasions where I exploded. My aunt now knows never to contact me for any reason. My aunt never came to the funeral of my mom. I would be inclined to say my aunt is a pathological liar. What other underlying issue she might have I don't know.

 

[PeppermintPatty]

What do I think of pathological liars?
I live with one. I’m starting to realize that they lie about anything & everything. They lie when there’s no need to lie. It’s seems to be done as a power play. It’s far easier to win in discussions since lying and far easier. Lying can become a quick fix for anything with these people.

What I find the strangest and a bit scary is when you call them on it they act so incredibly insulted and will instantly make you feel bad. They push out their feathers like you have just disrespected them in the worst kind of way.

I think many of these compulsive liars actually believe their own lies and I think they’ve done this for so long that reality is a somewhat blurry for them.

They also, kind of lose it when you call them on it , which can be scary at times. My heart goes out to all those who have had to endure this type of relationship. Even having an everyday conversation is some type of competition or game play.

It’ appears to be some type of power trip for them. Being in control and in charge , seems to rank high on their agenda and if they feel that slipping, all hell brakes loose.

I’ve always known my husband lies but it was most apparent when we retired. His stead safe ways of dealing with it were gone; now he just shuts down if you catch him in one or confront him.

I’m in counselling now so have some type of professional support which is going well.

 

[PeppermintPatty]

Some very good points there. I recognise everything that is in this post. However, when it comes to confronting them with facts it often leads to more elaborate lies, fostering doubt in others regarding the person who is trying to present facts. Anything to cast doubt in other people when presenting facts. Many people will believe what they want to believe. The closer one gets to calling them out with evidence, the more likely they engage in gaslighting, in my experience that it.

Where you can, it is best to walk away and end a friendship or relationship. It's not good for either party.

Thank you very much. This is very helpful.
I’m sure I’m no treat to live with either but in different ways.

 

[Jeni]

Does anyone else feel lying especially habitual is fostered by society anymore....
I feel too many see it normalized .... what is the down side? .... you can claim you never said it or misspoke or not what you meant .......so all is forgiven right? Some have even gone as far as making up the idea of "your truth"

people are never taught to deal with the consequences for lies and fessing up when called on it .... instead they cover with more lies to where they do not know the truth anymore. Have siblings like this and their ideas of what happened in child hood etc have zero basis in reality but they have repeated and stuck with lie so long they will never be lucid again.

 

[Ruthanne]

I knowingly have not met one of them. I am vigilant to meeting one though after I watch the daily news. I think it can be hard to determine if someone is a compulsive liar. From what I have gathered they are often very good at it.

I remain vigilant for many types of pathological problems people have.

 

[Mr. Ed]

I would be lying if I told you the truth.

 

[Paco Dennis]

I remember being lied to so many times in my life. I learned to deal with it. Some of the lies became troublesome, but the majority were fairly benign.

BUT, a couple of times I have been involved with pathological liars. These people lied about their lies and lied about those lies.... Those relationships were very strange and difficult to navigate. They didn't last long. I moved on.

 

[Rose65]

A member of my family always blames others for his own shortcomings. This is kind of lying, certainly it is deceitfulness and very frustrating to deal with. He never takes responsibility for mistakes, always has excuses as to why it is someone else's fault, even when he causes the problems very clearly.

The effect on me is that we are now permanently estranged and I trust nobody.

 

[oscash]

I remember many years ago when I was just in a new job. One of the girls has a crush on one of the bosses and would do anything to talk with him. He called me in to the office and said I had better get home quickly as my mother had a heart attack. I cried all the way home in the train and quickly caught a taxi home just to see my mother taking out the rubbish She said, "What are you doing home"? to which I told her the story.

Immediately I knew that nasty girl had told that story to him. The next day I refused to talk with her. She was a compulsive liar and used to tell girls in the office she was writing a book and a friend said she copies stories from magazine.

 

[Fyrefox]

While I have not personally dealt with a compulsive liar, I have dealt with several of their psychological cousins, braggers. A bragger might be considered a type of narcissist in that they are constantly boasting about their experiences or possessions, all of which they regard to be far superior to anything you have done or own. Such a person will try to top any story or revelation that you might be sharing, seeking by doing so to turn the conversation back to themselves and enhance their own feelings of superiority and privilege.

I knew a man who owned a pocket watch whose value he regarded to be in the thousands, and about which he frequently talked to others. When the watch was professionally appraised, it was worth only in the double-digits.

This might be seen as a type of lie that braggers tell themselves or others, perhaps to boost self-esteem or perceptions of worth or exceptionality in a group…

 

[C50]

My brother is a compulsive liar. I believe his life is so void of actual happenings that he lies to give the impression he's living instead of simply existing. It's easy to recognize his lies, some are so outrageous they're absurd, yet I also think he he creates false truths in his mind so believes what he's saying.

I rarely speak with him now so it's not much of an issue. When younger I would challenge his statements and he would lie more, now I let them go because he's just a pitiful sad and angry man. As long as his lie doesn't affect me let him have his fantasy life.