SifuPhil
R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
- Location
- Pennsylvania, USA
I've been doing a bit of "What If?" research for the future (in this case the future covers the next year) for moving from Pennsylvania to Florida.
People say that I can't leave, that I have the Northeast in my blood. "Horse-puckey", I say to them. Yes, I was born and raised in New York; yes, I was shanghaied to Pennsylvania and stranded here for the past 25 years.
But it isn't in my blood.
If I'm going to end up jobless and homeless I'd rather have it happen in Florida - at least it'll be a little warmer in my cardboard box. People claim that Florida has only two season - hot and muggy. Still, I think that's better than Pennsylvania's two seasons - frozen and muggy.
I've always been energized by the ocean, but it has to be the Atlantic Ocean - the Pacific just doesn't seem to cut it for me. And it has to be a warm part of the Atlantic, not the Cold-Water Flats section of it off the coast of Maine.
So, I've been researching living accommodations, distances from the beach and the availability of pepperoni-pizza delivery services. I've been checking the stats on median income, crime and feral-cat populations - everything that will have anything to do with my happiness in my golden years.
This is actually a first for me - usually I just jump into an area and say "Here I am". Researching like this beforehand is quite unique.
The biggest problem I've encountered so far is getting from Point A to Point B - from Pennsylvania to Florida. I don't drive, so that's automatically out.
I don't want to fly, given the TSA's little habit of full-body cavity searches and X-ray machine usage. I actually took an oath of no more flying except in extreme emergencies, such as if they confined pizza sales to only one state, so flying is pretty much out.
Can't drive, can't fly ... how about taking a bus?
Yep, that's doable - they leave from NYC. (Nothing ever seems to leave Wilkes Barre, PA except good people and jobs). I can catch a Martz bus to NYC from our little town, I think it runs $25 or so. I don't own much, a duffel bag or two should do it, so no problems with luggage.
The problem is the fact that Greyhound charges anywhere from $96 to $300 for the trip, and there are anywhere from one to several stops and transfers in-between. I can just see all my worldly belongings disappear somewhere in North Carolina at a bus-stop run by Garth and Edna-Mae while I'm stumbling around half-asleep, the bus leaves and I'm sentenced to hard time for vagrancy.
The trip takes around 24 hours give or take a few hours. Not too shabby. I just know that I'll be seated next to either a mass murderer or a priest (equally deadly in my eyes), and even then I know that I'll be falling asleep sometime during the ride, and I snore like a banshee with a PA system.
There's an alternative, though - I could go to NYC's Chinatown and catch a Chinatown Tours bus that goes to Miami (I kid you not!) for only $99. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable sitting in a metal folding-chair surrounded by chickens for the whole trip, though ...
Then I thought, "Ooh, trains!" I've always liked trains, ever since I had them as a kid and, later, rode them into NYC.
I could catch an AMTRAK in New York City from Penn Station (a few blocks from the Port Authority where I'd be catching the bus) that goes right to Orlando. I think I'd much prefer a train to a bus - if it crashes at least I could re-enact The Fugitive. Base price for the Sit-In-A-Chair Package is about $150, and that includes one narrow, non-reclining seat. For $240 I could get the Upgraded Sit-In-A-Chair Package, which includes the ability to push the chair back into the legs of the person behind you and a free newspaper. Hmmm ...
Oh, wait, here we go - I can get a PRIVATE ROOM for only $360! Almost the same price as Greyhound's upper-level package, but it's an actual ROOM ON THE TRAIN! Just like in the movies! It's only about the size of a pregnant walk-in closet, but it has a sofa that folds into a bed and it's own little bathroom and window!
Heck, I could re-enact the Marx Brothers' famous stateroom scene, inviting everyone into the cramped little room and ordering room service!
I think I'm going to go with the little room-on-wheels - I think that's going to be the most enjoyable way to experience what might well be the last trip I'll ever take.
People say that I can't leave, that I have the Northeast in my blood. "Horse-puckey", I say to them. Yes, I was born and raised in New York; yes, I was shanghaied to Pennsylvania and stranded here for the past 25 years.
But it isn't in my blood.
If I'm going to end up jobless and homeless I'd rather have it happen in Florida - at least it'll be a little warmer in my cardboard box. People claim that Florida has only two season - hot and muggy. Still, I think that's better than Pennsylvania's two seasons - frozen and muggy.
I've always been energized by the ocean, but it has to be the Atlantic Ocean - the Pacific just doesn't seem to cut it for me. And it has to be a warm part of the Atlantic, not the Cold-Water Flats section of it off the coast of Maine.
So, I've been researching living accommodations, distances from the beach and the availability of pepperoni-pizza delivery services. I've been checking the stats on median income, crime and feral-cat populations - everything that will have anything to do with my happiness in my golden years.
This is actually a first for me - usually I just jump into an area and say "Here I am". Researching like this beforehand is quite unique.
The biggest problem I've encountered so far is getting from Point A to Point B - from Pennsylvania to Florida. I don't drive, so that's automatically out.
I don't want to fly, given the TSA's little habit of full-body cavity searches and X-ray machine usage. I actually took an oath of no more flying except in extreme emergencies, such as if they confined pizza sales to only one state, so flying is pretty much out.
Can't drive, can't fly ... how about taking a bus?
Yep, that's doable - they leave from NYC. (Nothing ever seems to leave Wilkes Barre, PA except good people and jobs). I can catch a Martz bus to NYC from our little town, I think it runs $25 or so. I don't own much, a duffel bag or two should do it, so no problems with luggage.
The problem is the fact that Greyhound charges anywhere from $96 to $300 for the trip, and there are anywhere from one to several stops and transfers in-between. I can just see all my worldly belongings disappear somewhere in North Carolina at a bus-stop run by Garth and Edna-Mae while I'm stumbling around half-asleep, the bus leaves and I'm sentenced to hard time for vagrancy.
The trip takes around 24 hours give or take a few hours. Not too shabby. I just know that I'll be seated next to either a mass murderer or a priest (equally deadly in my eyes), and even then I know that I'll be falling asleep sometime during the ride, and I snore like a banshee with a PA system.
There's an alternative, though - I could go to NYC's Chinatown and catch a Chinatown Tours bus that goes to Miami (I kid you not!) for only $99. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable sitting in a metal folding-chair surrounded by chickens for the whole trip, though ...
Then I thought, "Ooh, trains!" I've always liked trains, ever since I had them as a kid and, later, rode them into NYC.
I could catch an AMTRAK in New York City from Penn Station (a few blocks from the Port Authority where I'd be catching the bus) that goes right to Orlando. I think I'd much prefer a train to a bus - if it crashes at least I could re-enact The Fugitive. Base price for the Sit-In-A-Chair Package is about $150, and that includes one narrow, non-reclining seat. For $240 I could get the Upgraded Sit-In-A-Chair Package, which includes the ability to push the chair back into the legs of the person behind you and a free newspaper. Hmmm ...
Oh, wait, here we go - I can get a PRIVATE ROOM for only $360! Almost the same price as Greyhound's upper-level package, but it's an actual ROOM ON THE TRAIN! Just like in the movies! It's only about the size of a pregnant walk-in closet, but it has a sofa that folds into a bed and it's own little bathroom and window!
Heck, I could re-enact the Marx Brothers' famous stateroom scene, inviting everyone into the cramped little room and ordering room service!
I think I'm going to go with the little room-on-wheels - I think that's going to be the most enjoyable way to experience what might well be the last trip I'll ever take.
