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BDBoop

BDBoop

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Don't harsh my zen, Jen!
I have been estranged from my sister for many years. She did a lot of damage.

I found out an hour or so ago that she is in ICU with acute liver failure due to chronic alcoholism. She is only 44. She would leave behind three sons (whom she had already abandoned three years ago) between the ages of 23 and 13.
 

BDBpop, I am truly sorry for your pain. I have been there recently. I don't know if you're thinking about whether to go see your sister or not. You don't say. But if you need to forgive her for past deeds, whether for her sake or for yours, this is your only chance. Forgiving her doesn't mean you condone her past deeds, it only means that you have put away the hatred of those deeds, that kept you apart.
She might need your forgivness, to ease her passing, whether she knows it or not. Maybe you need to forgive her so that you can get closure.

I had to forgive the man who killed my first son back in 1993. It took me eight years, but I did forgive him, so that I could let go of the hatred that was eating me up. But I still fight at the parole hearings to keep that man in prison for his full term.
I hope I haven't offended you.
 
Not at all. The time frame is about the same, we've been estranged about eight years. She tried to destroy my daughter. She accused her of check theft, fraud, and forgery. I had to say things I'd never said in my life, like "Tiara has an alibi." "Tiara's gone in for questioning." She was determined to take her down.

And that was not even the most horrible thing she did to a family member, but it was essentially the most horrible thing she did to me. My daughter was petrified.

All of that to say I know. You are right. But that is as far as it will go. Because forgiving her is sort of like forgiving my favorite rattlesnake. She is an addict, with all the ugly behaviors inherent thereof.

But she's also my baby sister and I can see her in my mind's eye when she was six years old. Long blond hair, big brown eyes, .... so beautiful. And she went through so much. She was a fighter - just not on this front.
 

Ina is right. Time is running out.
You have asked for prayer. Meditate on this text and let it be your prayer

"And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any:
that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." Mark 11:25

My prayer is for you, that you may find the strength to forgive your sister, who, being a drug addict is a casualty of something evil.
My prayer is for her soul as well, that she may be washed clean by love, even though she herself has failed to love.
Grace and peace to you and your family, BDBoop. :love_heart:
 
BDBoop, Sounds like going to see her might not be the best thing. Sometimes there is no fixing the issue. Sounds like maybe neither of you would benefit. Seems like it would only aggravate the issue. At this time she doesn't need any more pain.
I lost my second son to a liver disease just last February 15th, and being there only tore me up, he was brain dead, and as his closest relative, I had to be the one to agree to taking him off life support. You don't need to be in that spot if you can help it.Excuse me for sticking my nose in your pain. :sorry:

PS: For yourself, if you can, Try to forgive your sister. She will know.
 
Bless all of you. I am so sorry, Ina. Please don't regret one word you've said in this thread, I appreciate you caring enough to post - and feel. How old was your son?
 
BDBoop. I'm sorry about this tragic situation. One person's demons, weakness, and poor choices have profoundly affected you and many of your family members. It's so very sad. I hope you forgave her long ago.
 
BDBoop, My oldest son, ER, was murdered in 1993 at the age of 27 by someone he never knew. He was home on leave from the Army.
My youngest son, Michael unknowingly picked up hepatitis A, We think he got it at fishery in Alaska, when he worked there for the summer of '12. His liver had been damaged as a child in an accident. The hepatitis destroyed his liver, and the fever went to his brain. He was 45, and had taken over our small farm, and he planned to be here until we passes.
Sorry to wear on your ear, but my Dr. Said I needed to talk more about. This forum talked me through a very bad time.
So if you need to talk, know that it will be accepted with kindness.
Thank you for asking.
 
You asked for prayer so I want you to know that today 15 ladies from OZ came together in spirit to uphold you and your family in prayer. The knitting ladies from Revesby are thinking of you with love and concern at this sad time.

:angel: :angel: :angel:
 
I am praying for your sister and her entire family. It must be heartbreaking what this disease has done to here. God bless you.
 
I'm afraid I agree with Ina when she writes "Sometimes there is no fixing the issue............. At this time she doesn't need any more pain."
I am not one to offer forgiveness unless the other party shows genuine remorse. It must be a reciprocal thing.
 
I too will be praying for your Sister.

Forgiveness-is-a-funny-thing-quotes.jpg
 
Thank you. There is no time. We're leaving at the top of the hour, my dad has been in medicine for forty years and once they got out of her room, he said "she's not leaving this place." She maybe (?) has 3-4 weeks.

I remain grateful for your prayers, for her sons who are so very young, and know this is a disease of her own making, my dad who loved her to distraction her entire life, no matter what she did to him, and the rest of us.
 
We spent 3.5 hours with her. She's got dementia from high ammonia levels in her system, if that makes any sense. She know s we love her, she did make eye contact several times.
 
It took me over 50 years to forgive my sister. I raised two of her children because she could not due to her addictions. Three others went into foster care before the family knew what was happening. Their father got them out after a few years; he died several years ago. My sister died a year and a half ago. I did not go to the memorial. I did not go because I thought I would be a distraction; it was a time for her and her daughters to come to peace with her--which most of them had before she died. All of them were very angry that I was not there. I did what was right for me.

My sister was diagnosed bipolar long too late to have much effect in her life. She had drug and alcohol addictions. She was a very ugly drunk and referred to me frequently as "Miss Goody Two-shoes." I never bad-mouthed her to her children, but I was angry that she abandoned them for what she called "partying." I didn't understand her pain. If you don't believe you can change your life, you can't.

One of the daughter's I raised has had the same problems, and I have raised both of her children. I have spent decades pulling this daughter to safety time after time, only to finally accept that I cannot save her. She has to want to save herself and believe she can do it. It's not going to happen. I still have the youngest child with me, and I love him more than anything in the world. I am trying to not make the same mistake of not letting him face his own consequences.

I think what I'm trying to say is that only you can decide how to react to this situation in your life. Make your decision on what feels right in your heart, not on what you think others may expect of you. Your sister is responsible for her own life. You do not owe her anything. Forgiveness does little for the person being forgiven; the person it brings peace to is the forgiver. I forgave my sister some years ago. I'm not sure she ever knew it. I didn't do it for her; I did it for me. It has made me a better person.

I pray for peace in your heart.
 
Lynda said:
It took me over 50 years to forgive my sister. I raised two of her children because she could not due to her addictions. Three others went into foster care before the family knew what was happening. Their father got them out after a few years; he died several years ago. My sister died a year and a half ago. I did not go to the memorial. I did not go because I thought I would be a distraction; it was a time for her and her daughters to come to peace with her--which most of them had before she died. All of them were very angry that I was not there. I did what was right for me.

My sister was diagnosed bipolar long too late to have much effect in her life. She had drug and alcohol addictions. She was a very ugly drunk and referred to me frequently as "Miss Goody Two-shoes." I never bad-mouthed her to her children, but I was angry that she abandoned them for what she called "partying." I didn't understand her pain. If you don't believe you can change your life, you can't.

One of the daughter's I raised has had the same problems, and I have raised both of her children. I have spent decades pulling this daughter to safety time after time, only to finally accept that I cannot save her. She has to want to save herself and believe she can do it. It's not going to happen. I still have the youngest child with me, and I love him more than anything in the world. I am trying to not make the same mistake of not letting him face his own consequences.

I think what I'm trying to say is that only you can decide how to react to this situation in your life. Make your decision on what feels right in your heart, not on what you think others may expect of you. Your sister is responsible for her own life. You do not owe her anything. Forgiveness does little for the person being forgiven; the person it brings peace to is the forgiver. I forgave my sister some years ago. I'm not sure she ever knew it. I didn't do it for her; I did it for me. It has made me a better person.

I pray for peace in your heart.
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I hear you, and thank you. Some people - it's like they willingly live the trail of tears, you know? My sister never has had any concept of 'consequences' or cause-and-effect.

I couldn't sleep last night, just kept seeing her in my mind's eye, struggling to breathe.
 
I don't think remorse has anything to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a reciprocal thing. Forgiveness is a blessing to the forgiver; it doesn't do much for the one being forgiven.

I do agree that sometimes there is no fixing the issue. The desire to fix it is an attempt to deal with our own feelings of guilt. That typically makes the situation worse.
 
BDBoop ,so sorry to read of your sad story about your sister,I will be praying and thinking of you both.
 
Thank you, Nan. I've heard nothing recently, her condition remains unchanged. One of her best friends of literally decades knew that T would not want to be on life support, but since she already is, and since she does not have any directives, she will probably remain there until this is over.
 

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