Post your daily Groaner here:

A frog is outgrowing his lily pad and decides to make some home improvements. He doesn't have the money, so he hops to the bank to borrow some.

At the bank, he takes a seat at loan officer Patricia Black's desk and explains his dilemma.

"I want to upgrade my lily pad, maybe add another window, but I don't have the cash. Can you lend me the money?"

"Maybe. What can you offer as collateral?"

"Well," says the frog. "All I have is this paperweight. You shake it up, and it snows on the little village. Cute, huh?"

"Hmm . . . I'll have to speak to my manager." She enters her manager's office.

"Mr. Bitterby, I've got a frog at my desk who wants to borrow money for lily pad improvements. But all he can offer for collateral is this glass paperweight."

Mr. Bitterby takes the paperweight, hefts it in his hand, looks at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan."
 
animals-junk_food-fast_food-eating_out-chicken-buck-dren24_low.jpg
 

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years, Benny began to fell uncomfortable wearing the beard, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.

When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you not remember the ancient legend, Sire. The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."

Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.

Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.

The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."
 
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
 
Here is a twofer.

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'



[FONT=&quot]The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]




 
What side of a duck has the most feathers?...the outside

how do you get down off an elephant?...you can't, you get down off a duck...or a goose
 
A man goes into a bar and orders a beer. He takes a sip of the beer and a small voice say's "Nice Tie!!".

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. A little puzzled he takes another sip, and again the voice says "Nice shirt Too!!!".

Now the man calls the bartender back and complains that everytime he takes a sip of beer he hears a small voice.

The bartender says "Oh never mind that! That's just the peanuts, they're complimentary!!
 
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