Presents: Giving and getting. What to do?

treeguy64

treeguy64

Hari Om, y'all!
Location
Austin, TX.
I am tired of giving and getting presents. If I want something, I get it. I don't need to ask someone for it. When it comes to giving presents, I find it an annoyance.

I am seriously considering letting my gift givers and gift recipients know that I'm taking myself out of the loop.

Any thoughts on this, other than calling me The Grinch?
 

We exchange gift cards and sometimes that strikes me as silly. It's good because you can get pretty much what you actually want or need, but at the same time, it's almost like taking whatever value of paper currency out of your wallets and handing them back and forth.

I back up the gift card with a small personal gift at Christmas, be it a candle or a pair of socks, or a treat for their pet.
 
If you want to bow out of the gift giving business just stop giving gifts! Don't offer any long boring explanations or excuses, just stop.

If someone gives you a gift offer a sincere thank you and leave it at that.

I would never say never, if you see an item that you know someone needs or will enjoy then buy it and give it to them. I would just stop buying all of the obligatory gifts and stop placing a monetary value on friends and family.

If you feel a twinge of guilt then take the person out for a drink or lunch and enjoy each others company, no long boring explanations or excuses about gifts.
 

I spent years searching stores for the perfect gift for friends and family. Yikes it was like a second job. Then I would find out my (then) MIL donated or re-gifted what I gave her OR would give it to me as a new gift on the next occasion. I retired from gift exchange even before I retired from working. I did this slowly. I lost a huge number of receivers (giftee) when I divorced. If any new acquaintance suggests gift exchange I just politely explain I do not believe in it. I think most people would rather have a gift card so they can get what they really want.
 
Gift Cards.....great idea, they can go buy what they want and if I get one, I can buy what I want. Sounds like a deal to me! I don't equate someone not taking time out to shop for me as a negative thing, I think it's a thoughtful thing to buy me a gift card to buy something for myself I normally wouldn't spend money on.
 
Aunt Bea said:
If you want to bow out of the gift giving business just stop giving gifts! Don't offer any long boring explanations or excuses, just stop.

If someone gives you a gift offer a sincere thank you and leave it at that.

I would never say never, if you see an item that you know someone needs or will enjoy then buy it and give it to them. I would just stop buying all of the obligatory gifts and stop placing a monetary value on friends and family.

If you feel a twinge of guilt then take the person out for a drink or lunch and enjoy each others company, no long boring explanations or excuses about gifts.
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I agree with Bea, just stop the giving and see how it plays out. More than likely the receiving will soon stop and you'll be where you want to be. It might be a little uncomfortable at first, but it's not such a big thing that it should be blown out of proportion. Chances are that there will be a couple of people who feel obligated to give you gifts and have a weight lifted from their shoulders, they'll be happy you made the first move and made it easy for them.
 
I don't know about the USA but here in the Uk most gift cards have an expiry date on them, which many people don't realise... so I dislike the giving or receiving of gift cards.


With regard to the OP, and not wishing to give or receive gifts at all... you're the same as my O/H...he hates the whole thing. He realises it's something that make me happy, but it took him years to come to terms with that, so now he will buy me a gift, at Christmas, birthdays and special days but he has to be reminded... and since he hates shopping in Bricks and mortar stores, he's more inclined to buy me a gift because he can order it online, but he won't wrap it, that's just a step too far lol.. ... but for him... the gift to give is Nothing..Nada... it just annoys him, so it's not worth it... ( but oddly I can buy him a gift any other time of the year, as long as I don't say it's a gift for anything and it's not wrapped up in gift paper . I can say oh I noticed you needed a new tool..or new this or that because you're old one is worn)..and he'll accept it gladly..always offers to give me the money for it because it would have been something he'd got around to buying for himself.. but I always refuse.. it's like a game!!
 
We finally had to have this discussion with our extended family last year. The holiday season was so stressful with everyone in my husband's family (his brother & sister, their spouses and all their kids and grandkids, plus MIL) to buy for. It had gotten to be one giant "gift card exchange" since no one had a clue what to buy for so many people. I think everyone was relieved when we stepped forward and said, "enough."

We still give gifts to our children and grandchildren, though.

As for my husband and me, we discussed gift exchanging a few years ago and decided that we would not buy for each other for the reasons you mentioned. He still buys me flowers occasionally but for celebrations like our anniversary or Valentine's Day we just go out for a nice dinner together.
 
Aunt Bea said:
If you want to bow out of the gift giving business just stop giving gifts! Don't offer any long boring explanations or excuses, just stop.

If someone gives you a gift offer a sincere thank you and leave it at that.


I would never say never, if you see an item that you know someone needs or will enjoy then buy it and give it to them. I would just stop buying all of the obligatory gifts and stop placing a monetary value on friends and family.

If you feel a twinge of guilt then take the person out for a drink or lunch and enjoy each others company, no long boring explanations or excuses about gifts.
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Yes, I'm trying to ease into that by doing less and less. It really takes the meaning out when it's the obligatory gift giving.
 
We bowed out two years ago. I still buy for the grandchildren under 18, and my mother, that's it.
My husband and I just get what we want or need when we need or want it. Not to say we don't surprise each other from time to time. I think the most favorite thing I bought for him was a bug zapper, back when carpenter bees were invading. He would stand out side and swat them with his hat. You should have seen the fun he had with my five dollar bug zapper...It looks like a small tennis racket. works great for flies as well.

I tend more to handing down things I have, like jewelry that belonged to my grandmother ,or guns that belonged to my daddy...just to keep them in the family.
 
I tried to bow out of gift giving couple of years back. I just don't know what to buy anymore. We are all older now,buy what we need or want and that's the end of it. The family still wants to exchange and said they haven't a problem not receiving a gift from me. I feel terrible opening their gifts and I have none for them. So I stick to food items,candles, picture frames etc.. Of course I want to give to the Grand kids who are still quite young but that isn't even fun anymore. My daughter gives me several choices on Amazon to pick from because most of what they want I can't even pronounce the names of let alone know what or how it is used. So I pick within my price range and that's that. The hubby and I haven't exchanged for years and we are happy that way.Yesterday when I was on my yearly shopping spree I bought the hubby a new sweater and when I came home he had flowers for me. It's the little things throughout the year that are more meaningful to me.
 
CindyLouWho said:
Gift Cards.....great idea, they can go buy what they want and if I get one, I can buy what I want. Sounds like a deal to me! I don't equate someone not taking time out to shop for me as a negative thing, I think it's a thoughtful thing to buy me a gift card to buy something for myself I normally wouldn't spend money on.
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I agree. I love getting gift cards. In fact much better than getting something I really don't need or want, which is most of the time. ;)
 
My husband and I have not "formally" exchanged gifts ever, really. Basically if one of us needs something, we get it. For example, Rick wanted a DVD case from Amazon, and I needed a pair of slippers. So, we ordered them and basically covered my birthday and Valentines day. Usually some time in December we go out for a "nice" (meaning not fast food or pizza) dinner to celebrate Christmas and our anniversary.
That is the sum total of gift giving for us
 
A couple of friends of mine and I no longer exchange birthday or xmas gifts,we send each other cards instead
My siblings and I no longer exchange xmas gifts,instead we donate to a favorite charity in their name. Sue
 
C'est Moi said:
We finally had to have this discussion with our extended family last year. The holiday season was so stressful........ I think everyone was relieved when we stepped forward and said, "enough." ......We still give gifts to our children and grandchildren, though. As for my husband and me, we discussed gift exchanging a few years ago and decided that we would not buy for each other for the reasons you mentioned......
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Yes. Our immediate family pretty much just exchanges small gifts such as coffee and wine. I do give gift cards to sisters because they use them and I target their favorite store. But everyone gives to their nieces/nephews, grandkids, etc. DW and I have not given gifts to one another for decades.
 
Just this past Christmas,I said "Enough is enough!" I dread Christmas coming because it is so stressful and so much work. With 16 grandkids,1 greatgrandkid,four kids and their spouses and now foster kids as well,it`s just become too much! So next year,I will buy gifts for the five grandkids and 1 great who are under 18. And of course for whoever I have for foster kids. And hubby. Then we are going to draw names among the rest of us and will buy a gift for whomever we draw. We will have a price limit,and the amount will buy a nice gift for that person,but still it will cost much less than we were each spending in total before. And nobody is obligated to be in on the gift exchange-bowing out is perfectly acceptable. We actually planned on having the drawing already but haven`t gotten around to it yet,the idea being that you would have almost an entire year to come across a gift that you think would be perfect for "your" person. So we`ll see how it works. If it doesn`t,then I`d like to see it be a "gag gift" or a White Elephant exchange-something we can have fun with!
 
Gift cards are popular with younger people particularly, which makes them a good gift to give grandkids. However, be warned: I once mailed one to my grandddaughter, who lived in Texas at the time, and she never received it. She lived in a building with several apartments, and she said they were always getting the mail delivered to the wrong apartment. So one of her neighbors must have had a grand old spending spree with it. No recourse, of course, it's like sending cash through the mail.
 

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