Quandary about my mother's situation

Lavinia said:
Sorry but I don't agree. While I have the utmost sympathy for your situation which so many people are having to deal with, I think you and your siblings should put your own welfare first. Having to care full-time for an elderly parent can cause too much disruption to a household, and even break up a marriage. The grandchildren will be ashamed to bring their friends home, in case grandma causes embarrassment. It isn't fair that you are the one dealing with this burden, but don't condemn your siblings.
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That's pretty much the attitude of my siblings. They only see it from their perspective. Never any consideration for how it will affect our mother. It's pretty easy to do whatever you want with someone who can't defend herself. That's what's going on here. She became a non-entity to them when her mind went.
 

Littlejohn, my deepest condolences. Please know that you did the very best you could for your mother under very difficult circumstances. You were a kind and loving son. I hope in time that knowledge brings you comfort.🤗
 
Awww..:( I'm so sad for you Littlejohn, but thankfully your mum is now out of pain, and torment. However your pain must be palpable , I'm so sorry for your loss..

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Littlejohn said:
Just a note to say my mother died several days ago in palliative care so her suffering is finally over. Four years too late but it's over.
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I'm so sorry for your loss, you've been through a very difficult and sad time but you're to be commended for your caring of your mother....many hugs for you.
 
reading this story , has really saddened me .....
first of all littlejohn , im so sorry to hear your mum has passed , but happy , that she is now in peace ....
thankgod she had a caring son closeby for the past few years ....you are amazing !!

and as for your siblings , we ll i understand , i have 4 siblings , i have nothing to do with.....

i looked after my parents when they were in their 80s , but then 11 yrs ago, my husband had a massive stroke ,so
i couldnt travel back and forth , to care for them ....as i was and still am caring for him....

well...that was not good enough for the 4 siblings, it meant they would have to do something ..
but cutting a story short , my eldest half sister took them in 300 miles away....
she put dad in a home aged 92 with Alzheimer's, and still looks after mum aged 97...
mum doesnt have a life , is still grieving for dad ...and all i can do is phone her everyday .....

take care !!!
 
Littlejohn said:
Just a note to say my mother died several days ago in palliative care so her suffering is finally over. Four years too late but it's over.
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Littlejohn, I am sorry for your loss. I went through a very similar situation with my mom a few years ago. It was a struggle for her and my family but we hung in there doing all we could to help her through this last phase of her life. After she passed, I realized, after some time, that I was very glad that I and my family had done all we could to make my mom's last days better. Unfortunately, my older sister stayed away and offered no help for me or our mom.

Looking back, for the rest of my life, I am at peace with myself over this time. You too will live with this blessing...
 
I am so sorry little John. You were a wonderful son and your mom was lucky to have you looking out for her. I am glad her suffering is over.
 
Littlejohn, we're glad we could be of help to you. Grief and loss are something we all know. We have to greet each day with thanks, and remember to treasure those moments of joy in past and present, as well as what comes in the future.
 
Littlejohn said:
Four years ago, my mother who was almost 90 then, couldn't live on her own in the family home anymore after a few falls and rapidly declining memory/dementia, and loneliness that led to her being taken in by a phone scammer.
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I’m curious as to how your mother got moved out of her home in the first place? Moving from one residence to another doesn’t prevent falls or phone scammers. An acquaintance recently fell in a nursing home and broke her arm. Millions of younger people are prey to phone scammers every day and they aren’t removed from their homes. Moving a person from their home against their will sounds like kidnapping to me, legal or not.
 
TabbyAnn said:
I’m curious as to how your mother got moved out of her home in the first place? Moving from one residence to another doesn’t prevent falls or phone scammers. An acquaintance recently fell in a nursing home and broke her arm. Millions of younger people are prey to phone scammers every day and they aren’t removed from their homes. Moving a person from their home against their will sounds like kidnapping to me, legal or not.
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Her memory was going fast and she was having bouts of dementia, so it wasn't just the phone scammer. One example: when her house was being cleaned out, the cleaners found that she had been composting organic garbage in a kitchen cupboard. She couldn't function on her own anymore.
 
Littlejohn said:
Just a note to say my mother died several days ago in palliative care so her suffering is finally over. Four years too late but it's over.
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Sorry for late reply. But now your burden is lifted. I was glad my mother was out of her misery. I'm sure you're glad yours is also.
 
TabbyAnn said:
I’m curious as to how your mother got moved out of her home in the first place? Moving from one residence to another doesn’t prevent falls or phone scammers. An acquaintance recently fell in a nursing home and broke her arm. Millions of younger people are prey to phone scammers every day and they aren’t removed from their homes. Moving a person from their home against their will sounds like kidnapping to me, legal or not.
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I should add that while I wouldn't call it kidnapping, putting her alone in a strange little room was cruel and inhumane. I have to agree with you as far as that goes.
 
Disgustedman said:
Sorry for late reply. But now your burden is lifted. I was glad my mother was out of her misery. I'm sure you're glad yours is also.
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Thank you. I am thankful that her misery is over, at least. And condolences on your mother.
 

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