Question Regarding Etiquette

oldman

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
It is really unusual for my wife not to know the answer to questions regarding proper etiquette about almost anything. She is a retired law professor from a major university here in the East and has attended many functions. But anyway, here is the question; We are invited to a friend's 70th birthday party that his wife is having for him next Saturday. We know that they both enjoy eating out, so we have decided to buy him or them a gift card to a pretty nice restaurant. We have asked other invitees this same question and they too did not know the answer.

Do we buy the gift card with enough cash on it to cover the cost of both meals or just his meal since it is his present? I mean, if I were to buy him a watch for his present, I wouldn't buy two; one for each, right? We are not cheap by no means, but we just don't want to show up our friends who may only buy a gift card that covers only one meal. The restaurant will probably require a $100.00 card to cover the two meals and my wife and I are leaning on doing just that, but like I said, if our other friends only buy a card that covers the cost of one meal, it may look to them, or at least some of them, like we are trying to show them up. You know how it is, some people can look at things different from what the intention is or was.

We couldn't even find the answer in my wife's etiquette book.
 

I would definitely buy a card to cover two meals. It seems unlikely to me that the other guests will ever know the value of the card. I hope it will be a great celebration!
 
I don't know what the proper etiquette is but I never like to give a gift that will cost the recipient money. I would give enough to cover your friend and a guest because most people don't go to a nice restaurant alone or ask an invited guest to pay their own way.
 
oldman said:
Do we buy the gift card with enough cash on it to cover the cost of both meals or just his meal since it is his present? I mean, if I were to buy him a watch for his present, I wouldn't buy two; one for each, right?
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Good question oldman but I agree with the other members, two meals. The difference between buying one watch but buying two meals is that your friend can tell time alone and be happy, but he's not going to be happy dining at a nice restaurant alone. A gift card is a great idea for retail stores, coffee shops, local deli, bookstores, or a massage. Less expensive ideas are magazine subscriptions (with a wrapped-up latest issue), and gag gifts.
 
Great. Thanks for the feedback. That's what we were planning to do, but we thought "What if they announce the value of the card and some people only bought a card for one meal? They may think that we were trying to show them up and maybe think that we purposely did it." We just didn't want to offend anyone. It's only a hundred bucks and they are having their party catered, so I imagine that it will be very nice, plus they are fun people and always come up with some really silly games that gets everyone involved.
 
They will not announce the amount of the gift card. The gift card should include 2 meals. Anyone that would give just one meal is clueless or petty.
 
oldman said:
Great. Thanks for the feedback. That's what we were planning to do, but we thought "What if they announce the value of the card and some people only bought a card for one meal? They may think that we were trying to show them up and maybe think that we purposely did it." We just didn't want to offend anyone. It's only a hundred bucks and they are having their party catered, so I imagine that it will be very nice, plus they are fun people and always come up with some really silly games that gets everyone involved.
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Anyone who is so stingy they only buy one dinner deserves to be shown up. Anyway, that's not your problem; it's theirs.
 
You are overthinking this. Definitely buy a card for two meals.

If you got one for only one meal, you are forcing the recipient to shell out money for his wife's meal, and what kind of a gift is that? :D
 
I agree, you should give a gift card to cover the costs of him going to dinner with his wife. That would be the right thing to do. I also highly doubt they'd be announcing the worth of each card they get, that would be tacky, like Smiling Jane said, even if they did, who cares.....you're giving the gift in honor of your friend, not to fear comparisons by others who took the cheapest route. Happy Birthday to your friend, I wish him many more!
 
oldman said:
Great. Thanks for the feedback. That's what we were planning to do, but we thought "What if they announce the value of the card and some people only bought a card for one meal? They may think that we were trying to show them up and maybe think that we purposely did it." We just didn't want to offend anyone. It's only a hundred bucks and they are having their party catered, so I imagine that it will be very nice, plus they are fun people and always come up with some really silly games that gets everyone involved.
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When you mentioned that it is a catered party I immediately thought of my grandmother, she always felt that wedding gifts had to at least cover the cost of the food and booze that she was going to drink at the reception!!!
 
Loosey said:
I would definitely buy a card to cover two meals. It seems unlikely to me that the other guests will ever know the value of the card. I hope it will be a great celebration!
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Absolutely. Pay enough to cover both. Sounds like a lovely gift. :eek:
 
It is a gross breach of etiquette for the receiver to be given any idea of the cost of the gift.

The correct procedure is to book the table and pick up the tab.

If you took someone out to dinner would you restrict their choice of menu or wine?
 
oldman said:
Great. Thanks for the feedback. That's what we were planning to do, but we thought "What if they announce the value of the card and some people only bought a card for one meal? They may think that we were trying to show them up and maybe think that we purposely did it." We just didn't want to offend anyone. It's only a hundred bucks and they are having their party catered, so I imagine that it will be very nice, plus they are fun people and always come up with some really silly games that gets everyone involved.
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Proper etiquette is they don't announce the value of the card.

Dinner at McDonalds should suffice. Don't tell me they would announce the value of the card. That would be tacky.
 
Yesterday afternoon, my wife stopped at the restaurant that this couple prefers and purchased the card that should cover the two meals. plus cocktails and/or wine. During the summer of 2014, we went to another birthday party that was held outside by the birthday lady's pool. Most of the attendees did give gift cards, along with a small gag gift. After the lady finished opening her gifts, she had left them lay on a table maybe 25 feet away from the pool. The next day, my wife received a phone call from the lady whose birthday it was. She said that someone had picked up two or three of the cards and our's was one of them. She remembered our's was one of the cards because it was to her favorite store, "Bed, Bath & Beyond." She asked my wife if there was any way that she could stop payment on the card and give her a new one. After several calls to BB&B, we were informed that it may be possible to flag the card, unless it had already been used. Just our luck, the thief wasted no turn in using the card. My wife felt bad about this happening, even though it wasn't her fault, but she replaced the card anyway. (BTW, we have our suspicions of who may have been, but that's all it it is, just a suspicion.)
 
oldman said:
Yesterday afternoon, my wife stopped at the restaurant that this couple prefers and purchased the card that should cover the two meals. plus cocktails and/or wine. During the summer of 2014, we went to another birthday party that was held outside by the birthday lady's pool. Most of the attendees did give gift cards, along with a small gag gift. After the lady finished opening her gifts, she had left them lay on a table maybe 25 feet away from the pool. The next day, my wife received a phone call from the lady whose birthday it was. She said that someone had picked up two or three of the cards and our's was one of them. She remembered our's was one of the cards because it was to her favorite store, "Bed, Bath & Beyond." She asked my wife if there was any way that she could stop payment on the card and give her a new one. After several calls to BB&B, we were informed that it may be possible to flag the card, unless it had already been used. Just our luck, the thief wasted no turn in using the card. My wife felt bad about this happening, even though it wasn't her fault, but she replaced the card anyway. (BTW, we have our suspicions of who may have been, but that's all it it is, just a suspicion.)
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I wouldn't have a problem with the woman calling to say that the gift card was stolen and asking you to see if you could cancel it but I think it was rude of the woman to ask your wife to replace the gift card. I realize that canceling and replacing the card should not have cost anything additional but I think that is was a little presumptuous on the part of your friend to ask. It was very, very, nice of you and your wife to go ahead and purchase the replacement card.
 
A gift card is an extraordinarily tawdry gift; it implies (almost certainly correctly) that giver didn't wish to be bothered picking out a gift. It's unsuitable for someone of the same social class as the giver. It's suitable only for a servant. I'll give Christmas gifts to several regular service people as well as my maid. I'll give them cash. That would be unthinkable at a social function, but how is a gift card different?

I do have another employee, an elderly lady who has been cataloging books and other items. I respect her enough to give her something that I believe she'll enjoy. She's not a servant.
 
You should advise the other invitees you mention what you intend to do, not the amount because proper etiquette dictates that kind & cost of gifts aren't discussed. As a gift you show you know what they enjoy, it's a personal touch that beats something that might go on a shelf. The birthday boy is going to be 70 so material things probably wouldn't be as important as his sharing a meal with his wife would bring.

Buy for two since you know that they both enjoy eating out. I hope you have researched the menu to determine the cost of the most expensive items so that your gift can pay for that and leave a tip. There is no harm in making sure the gift you give doesn't turn out to be an unexpected cost to them.
 
Big Horn said:
A gift card is an extraordinarily tawdry gift; it implies (almost certainly correctly) that giver didn't wish to be bothered picking out a gift. .
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I disagree. If my husband and I were given a gift card to a favorite restaurant (we have gotten them in the past) we would gladly use it, and not see it as insignificant at all. Especially for us as we get older, last thing we need is more "stuff". To be treated to a chance to have someone "take us out to eat" via a gift card, or give us the opportunity to choose what we want is ideal.
 

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