Nanny in distress
New Member
Trying to keep this brief. We had been estranged from our only child for over 20 years. It was one of those tough love decisions that was necessary after professional assistance didn't resolve our family issues. I just told him at 19 he was no longer welcome in our home after flunking out of college and years of lies. A few years ago out of the blue he called us and filled us in on his life since, 2 marriages and 3 children total, the oldest of whom he's not allowed to see for reasons we don't know. Coincidentally, this call came about a year after his grandparents died. They long ago wrote him off as well. He asked if we wanted to know his kids. My husband felt we were headed for trouble if we agreed but I thought he'd changed. We live outside the US for financial reasons and he is aware of that. The first few years were fine, but we always felt he had an underlying motive. My husband had a serious bout with cancer 8 years ago and for now all is well, but our son never asks.
Regardless, we have sent the kids gifts via online shopping for birthdays and Christmas. Our son arranged video chats so we could watch them open them. Fast forward to the present, a few months back, I received a call from a bill collector on an account our son had. My elderly sister with dementia also got one and thought it was for us. Obviously she was very upset. After I explained to her it was for him, she calmed down. This really upset me because people in her state generally get agitated with these situations, so I decided to message our son on Facebook, the only way we have communicated in this time. He has had no contact with anyone in the family over all these years, no one. I had received numerous similar calls over the years for our son and felt this was the last straw. I explained her circumstances to him and told him to take care of his business and to make sure neither she nor we receive anymore such calls. Apparently he wasn't too pleased. His response was very curt and abrupt. Since then, there have been no video chats for grandkids' birthdays and no other communication.
So my quandry is Christmas is coming. Do we send something? The kids, 12 and 15 haven't acknowledged their birthday gifts despite the older one having her own FB account. I've tried messaging her and her brother through the account, but I don't get a response. We are torn. The kids are old enough to know better if their parents taught them properly, but again, they're young and should not be dragged into this dispute. We just feel we don't want to be used and abused as we were for so many years with our son. When he lived with us our lives we're horribly unhappy for so many reasons. We actually had lost any love for him and perhaps I was foolish in thinking we could regain it. Truly our lives were better off without him and maybe now would be the time to end this charade of a "reconciliation".We sincerely could use some objectivity here, please. Thanks so much.
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Regardless, we have sent the kids gifts via online shopping for birthdays and Christmas. Our son arranged video chats so we could watch them open them. Fast forward to the present, a few months back, I received a call from a bill collector on an account our son had. My elderly sister with dementia also got one and thought it was for us. Obviously she was very upset. After I explained to her it was for him, she calmed down. This really upset me because people in her state generally get agitated with these situations, so I decided to message our son on Facebook, the only way we have communicated in this time. He has had no contact with anyone in the family over all these years, no one. I had received numerous similar calls over the years for our son and felt this was the last straw. I explained her circumstances to him and told him to take care of his business and to make sure neither she nor we receive anymore such calls. Apparently he wasn't too pleased. His response was very curt and abrupt. Since then, there have been no video chats for grandkids' birthdays and no other communication.
So my quandry is Christmas is coming. Do we send something? The kids, 12 and 15 haven't acknowledged their birthday gifts despite the older one having her own FB account. I've tried messaging her and her brother through the account, but I don't get a response. We are torn. The kids are old enough to know better if their parents taught them properly, but again, they're young and should not be dragged into this dispute. We just feel we don't want to be used and abused as we were for so many years with our son. When he lived with us our lives we're horribly unhappy for so many reasons. We actually had lost any love for him and perhaps I was foolish in thinking we could regain it. Truly our lives were better off without him and maybe now would be the time to end this charade of a "reconciliation".We sincerely could use some objectivity here, please. Thanks so much.
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