Really could use some input

Hi, Nanny -- I learned the hard way many years ago that you can't force people to love you or behave in a kind and appropriate manner. For me, I've found that in situations where I am doing all the work to try and sustain a relationship that that relationship isn't worth sustaining and I have to let go for my own mental health. I know that sounds harsh, but for me it just isn't worth it to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results in terms of love or acknowledgment.
 
Yes, Butterfly, sometimes what one must do for one's own mental and emotional well-being is the only course to take. I had hoped after 20 years of estrangement that old wounds had healed and things had changed. Unfortunately that isn't the case so my husband and I will carry on as we have. Just tired of trying. You can't fix something that doesn't have a good foundation. Thanks to all of you for your thoughts. ❤️
 

Hi again Nanny in distress Thank You.It's easy for people to say to move on but when it's your own fresh and blood sometimes it's not always that easy to just move on when you've done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve being snubbed by your own child.It feels as if you heart had/has been pulled out.
 
Butterfly said:
Hi, Nanny -- I learned the hard way many years ago that you can't force people to love you or behave in a kind and appropriate manner. For me, I've found that in situations where I am doing all the work to try and sustain a relationship that that relationship isn't worth sustaining and I have to let go for my own mental health. I know that sounds harsh, but for me it just isn't worth it to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results in terms of love or acknowledgment.
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Unfortunately this is very true. Painfully so.

I’m sorry for anyone who has to suffer from family situations like this. My heart goes out to you.
:heart:
 
Bearwoman said:
Hi again Nanny in distress Thank You.It's easy for people to say to move on but when it's your own fresh and blood sometimes it's not always that easy to just move on when you've done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve being snubbed by your own child.It feels as if you heart had/has been pulled out.
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Nanny in distress said:
珞 Bearwoman.
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���� Awwww. Oh my hug works from my phone .
Nanny, I looked at your hug and wondered how you did that. ����
Wrong . Mine don’t. :(

((((( hugs ))) for you both.
 
Obviously we can't force someone to love us but it still hurts all the same.

If it's a stranger yes it hurts and you become angry with that particular person and usually break off with them but when it's your own flesh and blood it hurts even more so.
I became more puzzled then showing any anger.My youngest of my two adult sons had snubbed me and blocked me on Facebook where I wasn't able to contact him anymore and by asking why.I'm so very thankful that my oldest son didn't mistreat me the very same way.
 
Bearwoman, I'm so sorry you've gone through this. Please stay strong. I know the depth of your hurt, but we have no control over others, even if they're our own flesh and blood. Take comfort that you can enjoy your relationship with your oldest son and you have the support of all your friends on this forum. The problem lies with him, not you. Thanks so much for your comments.
 
Thanks so very much for your support, Keesha, and yes, that hug came from my phone. I didn't know how to do yours with the parentheses, so I learned that one! I'm so grateful to all who have expressed their thoughts. Comforting and reassuring friends, all of you. (((((hugs)))))
 
You are most welcome.
I thought you got it off your phone.
Mine wont work but Matrix showed me a new one
I hope it works :hug:
:laugh: Isn’t it the cutest?
 
Ooooh, that makes me feel so happy! I did find that one just now in the smileys on this site. Think I'll try to save the image (hope that's not a copyrighted or proprietary thing, so site admins please tell me before I do it). I'd love to use that in communications. I hug a lot of people; I'm just lucky I know lots of folks who deserve them, LOL.
 
Bearwoman said:
Hi again Nanny in distress Thank You.It's easy for people to say to move on but when it's your own fresh and blood sometimes it's not always that easy to just move on when you've done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve being snubbed by your own child.It feels as if you heart had/has been pulled out.
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Absolutely. My own experience with my son mirrors this. I had to walk away, but a piece of my soul shattered.
 
Nanny in distress Thank You.Obviously we have no control on how some people chose to act and mistreat others.Karma will get him I'm sure of that as it surely will others who have done people wrong.

As you say at least I have my oldest son to enjoy.
 
You know, Shalimar, I always thought this was a rare situation, but I have since found it's quickly becoming the norm. There's a classic line about "I don't know what's wrong with this generation..." Well, I've been thinking the same thing. So many parents have experienced this kind of hurt. Those that haven't should relish the good rapport they have with their children because to be hurt by them just takes the wind out of your sails and you can never get that full force back. A big squeeze to you, too.

:hug:
 
Shalimar said:
Absolutely. My own experience with my son mirrors this. I had to walk away, but a piece of my soul shattered.
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I’ve never had a child of my own Shalimar so I can’t claim to empathesize the same as those with children but I can say that I ‘can’ imagine how painful that is for you and I’m so very sorry you have had to go through this.:hug:
 
Shalimar said:
I would let them go also. Sometimes there are no happy choices only the one that is not toxic. To remind me, I have a poster on the wall which states that one of life’s hardest choices is knowing when to keep trying, and when to let go. I applaud your strength.
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Shalimar, those two bits of wisdom are so profound, whether applied to family, friends, work environment, or even tasks we struggle to accomplish. Thank you. (I've printed them out and put them on my wall!)

Nanny, if in your position I believe I'd send a final gift with a note that your heart is open to contact with them. They may not reach back to you but bear in mind that a kindness is never wasted. Since you can imagine how difficult it must be for these kids to have this man in their lives every day, it's especially important for his children to have an occasional bit of unconditional love coming their way. If you send the gifts and the note, you control the spin to at least some degree.
 
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