Relatives by marriage

[debodun]

When my mother's brother's wife introduces me to someone, she seemingly deliberately says "This is my HUSBAND'S niece." Why not just say "My niece"? Another time, my mother and I were preparing to go to the funeral of my father's sister's husband. When I happened to mention him in the context of uncle to my mother, she snapped "He is NOT your uncle!" I was completely taken aback at this. Any opinions?

 

[hollydolly]

Everyone to their own I suppose...and although technically these people are not your blood relatives...it's usually generally accepted that they are just as much a realtive as the person they are married to you..your blood relative uncle or aunt!!

I would be like you I think, a little put out at the inference that the non blood relative feels they don't want to admit to be related to you...maybe it's an age thing..maybe they want to pretend they are not old enough LOL ...fortunately all my ''uncles and aunts' admit to having me as their niece...

 

[jujube]

I still refer to my late husband's siblings as my "in-laws" and his nieces and nephews as MINE and they refer to me the same way. The SO used to say "don't you mean your former sister-in-law?" and I always give him what-for. It's not like I divorced the family or something. They're still my in-laws and blood relatives to my daughter and granddaughter. I'm very close to my sister-in-law and her children have always looked upon me as a blood aunt. Widowhood doesn't sever that.

 

[RadishRose]

Not ALL families claim nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles by marriage as "theirs".

Could be because-

one dislikes the other
attempt to clarify relationship
particular family custom

 

[Cookie]

Maybe its a cultural thing. Could be in some cultures all the relatives are considered 'family' and in others, only blood relatives are considered so. I consider all in-laws family, but some people prefer to maintain some sort of exclusivity, for whatever strange reasons, I don't know, but I find it off-putting as well.

 

[SeaBreeze]

When we send a birthday card to my sister's sons, I sign it Aunt and Uncle. But, I can understand that my sisters sons are not actually my husband's nephews. When they address him in person, they use the term 'uncle'. Some relative saying that it was my wife or husband's niece wouldn't disturb me much...never came across such a 'problem'. In the other case you mentioned, it seems that your mother just didn't like the man, that's why she snapped when you referred to him as your uncle, but that may not be the case.

 

[Butterfly]

I've always considered aunts and uncles as the same whether related by blood or marriage. Life's too short to worry about stuff like that.

 

[applecruncher]

I've always seen it simply as a way to clarify the relationship when first introducing someone (vs attaching some negative connotation).

 

[Linda]

I accept them all as family, if they don't like it they can run and hide under a rock. The latest is my new grand-daughter who is 23 and married to my son's son. She was calling me grandma, even before the wedding in November. I look back on my childhood and my aunts and uncles were just that, we didn't think about "blood relations." A lot of families are different than mine though.

 

[hollydolly]

We even had ''aunts and uncles' who not until we were adults ourselves did we realise weren't related by blood to us, nor were they married into the family...but the fact that they were adults and friends of the family meant as a mark of respect they were called Aunt and Uncle

 

[Ken N Tx]

I've always considered aunts and uncles as the same whether related by blood or marriage. Life's too short to worry about stuff like that.

I accept them all as family, if they don't like it they can run and hide under a rock. The latest is my new grand-daughter who is 23 and married to my son's son. She was calling me grandma, even before the wedding in November. I look back on my childhood and my aunts and uncles were just that, we didn't think about "blood relations." A lot of families are different than mine though.

We even had ''aunts and uncles' who not until we were adults ourselves did we realise weren't related by blood to us, nor were they married into the family...but the fact that they were adults and friends of the family meant as a mark of respect they were called Aunt and Uncle

to all of the above

 

[Warrigal]

I've always considered aunts and uncles as the same whether related by blood or marriage. Life's too short to worry about stuff like that.

Me too. Some of the men married to my aunties have been very special people to me, and much loved.
They were my uncles in my eyes. Ditto some of the wives of my parents' siblings. They were much loved aunties.
Even some of my husbands aunties have become my aunties and they are certainly family.

I must admit that my sisters' children are more special to me than the children of my husband's siblings but all of them are cousins to my children, so yes, all of them are my nieces and nephews.

It does get complicated though.

 

[Lynk]

When my husband died someone asked me if I was going to still associate with his side of the family. It was such an odd question. I had been married to him for 37 years and was very close to all of his family side. It never occurred to me to just put them out of my life. Every one on that side of the family brothers, sisters aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents were very closely knit. We are still getting together whenever we can.

 

[debodun]

In the other case you mentioned, it seems that your mother just didn't like the man, that's why she snapped when you referred to him as your uncle, but that may not be the case.

You're correct in your assumption - she detested the man, but to me, that shouldn't change the relationship.

 

[Shalimar]

I agree Debodun, but not all parents seem to be able to recognise that.