Remembering your childhood disappointments

C50 said:
Another thing I remember.

I had a neighbor who flew RC model airplanes out of his yard, I thought they were very cool. One day he tells me not to come over when he's flying because I was a jynx and he always crashed his plane when I showed up. I was probably six or seven, the jynx comment went right along with my dad telling me I broke everything I touched.
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You and I must somehow be related, my dad said the same thing. You know that came up when I was 16, and wanted to use the family car.
 

My father would beat me with a belt when I misbehaved. I have 2 younger sisters and he never touched them, even when I saw them do exactly the thing that had gotten me physically punished. It always made me feel bad about myself and unloved by my father.
After my father died, my sister told me that our father had told her that he never hit them because he learned how wrong it was to do that from what happened between us. He said he was sorry that he had ever hit me and learned that there was another way to handle children’s misbehavior .
I wish he had said that to me.
 
Some of these stories are heartbreaking ; shattering ? Do you all find this is a good way to get them out in the open and rid of or will they remain for ever? serious question - no jesting
 

smiley said:
Some of these stories are heartbreaking ; shattering ? Do you all find this is a good way to get them out in the open and rid of or will they remain for ever? serious question - no jesting
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Some things are like a birth mark. You can hide it or use a cosmetic cream, but it's always there, even if nobody can see it.

I used to think that I was the only one who had these issues, but after some years on this forum, I often think that I got away lightly.
 
Going on cheap holidays out of necessity because of always insufficient funds - seen some 'orrible caravans in the old days!! and lucky to get good weather in UK - we had no passports!!
 
Been There said:
When I was a young boy, my parents were killed. That was the biggest disappointment I ever had. I have had dissociative amnesia since the day I was told. There are things I can’t remember. People will ask me how old I was and sometimes I tell them 8 or maybe 9, 10, 11, or sometimes I just say I don’t know.

I was given all the details when I turned 13.
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Sorry about your loss. I think I would have also been in bad shape if my parents were killed. I can’t even imagine what my life would have been like without living with my parents.
 
I think all in all my very biggest childhood disappointment was learning not to trust. I was not raised in a nurturing home, there was no stability, usually only chaos, there was no one I could depend on so learned to only trust in myself.

That probably had the biggest impact on how I lived the rest of my life.
 
C50 said:
I think all in all my very biggest childhood disappointment was learning not to trust. I was not raised in a nurturing home, there was no stability, usually only chaos, there was no one I could depend on so learned to only trust in myself.

That probably had the biggest impact on how I lived the rest of my life.
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Ditto.....
 
debodun said:
Also when I learned Santa Claus wasn't real.
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My older friends, by two years, told me about Santa, so I went home and pressed my mother on the issue. She fessed up, so I asked about the Easter Bunny and the Good Fairy, and she fessed up about those too. I cried. Then I asked her if God was real. She had to think on that one, but said, "Yes, God is real," and I thought, "How am I supposed to believe that after these other lies?" So, I took that under advisement, as they say in the military, realizing that parent's can't be trusted about the really important things.

I got over that Santa thing eventually. As an adult, I would dress up as Santa, and visit the children of my friends and colleagues on Christmas Eve.
 
Marcy Sheiner said:
It's so horribly sad, reading thru this thread. However, @hollydolly thank you for starting it.
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Thank you, Marcy.... it just goes to prove that regardless of the significance or otherwise to outsiders , these stories show ... jut how childhood traumatic events affects so many of us for all our lives

I hope people will continue to use this thread whenever they need to just get something off their chest... which affected them as a child...
 
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My biggest disappointment was that I was the invisible part of the family. My mother left my father when I was very little. I loved him but he lived a continent away from us and I seldom saw him.
My mother had a special bond with my sister. She was older than me. I felt left out of their lives and of their conversations. It was not a pleasant feeling.
My life changed when I met my husband. Through his love, understanding, and kindness, I found myself. I also found happiness, balance and respect.
 
hollydolly said:
these stories show ... jut how childhood traumatic events affects so many of us for all our lives.
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That comment reminds me how ignorant I was as a young adult. I would hear people blame their problems on bad childhoods or traumas and think to myself "you're an adult now, suck it up and get over it".

Boy was I wrong, simply reflecting on my own life I see traits and baggage I still carry with me from those formitive years. Maybe you never truly heal from some wounds, you just learn how to hide them.
 
MaidMarian said:
My father would beat me with a belt when I misbehaved. I have 2 younger sisters and he never touched them, even when I saw them do exactly the thing that had gotten me physically punished. It always made me feel bad about myself and unloved by my father.
After my father died, my sister told me that our father had told her that he never hit them because he learned how wrong it was to do that from what happened between us. He said he was sorry that he had ever hit me and learned that there was another way to handle children’s misbehavior .
I wish he had said that to me.
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You know it and you can still talk to him. Can you forgive him?

I talk to mine all the time. He gets a drop of Merlot every night. A sprinkle for Rasmus, saint of sailors, and one for Captain. He was not paps, father, daddy but captain to us. He did captain all of his sail boats and had the respective licenses. I got in trouble at school for refering to him as captain. He came to visit the not so charming teacher, a tall, big bones spinster with a bad hair cut. This slender, very well dressed rascal charmed her into submission by hitting on her being a professional educator not a simple teacher. He sure knew which button to push.
 
C50 said:
That comment reminds me how ignorant I was as a young adult. I would hear people blame their problems on bad childhoods or traumas and think to myself "you're an adult now, suck it up and get over it".

Boy was I wrong, simply reflecting on my own life I see traits and baggage I still carry with me from those formitive years. Maybe you never truly heal from some wounds, you just learn how to hide them.
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That's precisely what I believe... I believe that many of hide them not only from other people, but from ourselves, because we're afraid maybe of reliving the trauma, and or... being told to suck it up, that we're adults, that we shouldn't talk about these things... .but to me much of the trauma suffered as children were a first for us, and we were never allowed to talk about it... .. and so affected us often like no other trauma that came afterwards as adults..
 
C50 said:
That comment reminds me how ignorant I was as a young adult. I would hear people blame their problems on bad childhoods or traumas and think to myself "you're an adult now, suck it up and get over it".

Boy was I wrong, simply reflecting on my own life I see traits and baggage I still carry with me from those formitive years. Maybe you never truly heal from some wounds, you just learn how to hide them.
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I disagree with you. You can learn to learn from those experiences. You can mesh them with your new experiences. It is not baggage but knowledge.

A couple of months ago Mumsy called me the ultimate failure of her life - fat, useless, never held a real job, begged my father for money, will never be good for anything, deserted her by getting married. It sounded like her usual and I did not even respond. Did it hurt! Oh yes! Then I am her best and only true friend and she shares things with me that should not be shared with your confessor.
 
Thought I'd circle back to my 'disappointment' about moving all the time and fear of making friends.
It wasn't like my dad was in Prison or left us, he served his country and we were very proud of his sacrifice.
As a family, we Now understand all the moves and it was OK.

Personally, I have finally come to terms with this, but I was concerned when we started a family.
Told the wife about my early years and the fear of repeating the same thing with our new family.
She told me that I would be less of a person if I didn't do what I felt was important in my life.

She had reached out to my mom and they talked about this.
Mom told her that 'You keep things normal, routine and give the boys 'space'.

Both my mom and my wife are special people.
I am one lucky man.
 
Feelslikefar said:
Thought I'd circle back to my 'disappointment' about moving all the time and fear of making friends.
It wasn't like my dad was in Prison or left us, he served his country and we were very proud of his sacrifice.
As a family, we Now understand all the moves and it was OK.

Personally, I have finally come to terms with this, but I was concerned when we started a family.
Told the wife about my early years and the fear of repeating the same thing with our new family.
She told me that I would be less of a person if I didn't do what I felt was important in my life.

She had reached out to my mom and they talked about this.
Mom told her that 'You keep things normal, routine and give the boys 'space'.

Both my mom and my wife are special people.
I am one lucky man.
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It is wonderful that the two most important women in your life talk.
 
Feelslikefar said:
Thought I'd circle back to my 'disappointment' about moving all the time and fear of making friends.
It wasn't like my dad was in Prison or left us, he served his country and we were very proud of his sacrifice.
As a family, we Now understand all the moves and it was OK.

Personally, I have finally come to terms with this, but I was concerned when we started a family.
Told the wife about my early years and the fear of repeating the same thing with our new family.
She told me that I would be less of a person if I didn't do what I felt was important in my life.

She had reached out to my mom and they talked about this.
Mom told her that 'You keep things normal, routine and give the boys 'space'.

Both my mom and my wife are special people.
I am one lucky man.
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what you left out for people who don't know your story ..is that you spent your life serving your country just like your dad...only you did it knowing what the pitfalls could be for your children.... (y)
 

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