Rise Above It

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
When I complain to friends about my perceived problems, some of them say that I should "rise above it." If I did that, I'd be half-way to Mars in a month!
 

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It sounds like you may need to get involved in more positive experiences. How about volunteering to help out at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen, or reading to sick or blind people at a hospital or senior care facility? Sometimes realizing that there are others who are seriously impacted by poor health or lack of a home and food makes one realize how truly lucky we are and we can rise above the pettiness that sometimes infringes on our everyday lives out of boredom or not having enough to do.
 
One of the things my wife and I have promised each other is that we will NEVER sit around complaining about anything. My co-workers and close friends didn't even know when I "disappeared" to have some surgery this Spring. They have no idea I was falsely diagnosed this summer with a fairly aggressive skin cancer. No matter what ache, pain, or issue I have... someone will try to "up" you with their problems. So... why not stay positive?
Likewise at work or with certain organizations I belong to. If I don't have a solution, then don't complain about the problem. Was in a discussion just this morning about what to expect for 2017 at our golf club. The shop manager was "complaining" that everyone who came in was "complaining". He said that no one was in a holiday spirit. So, he said "And what do you think is wrong with the club?" My response was "I have three things I would like to see happen in 2017. Here are the three and how I would fix them." He seemed to appreciate that I just didn't complain without offering suggestions and solutions.

Over the years, I've oft times been my own worst company. I complain a lot to myself, but not to others. I don't like the term "Rise above it!" If you "rise", you are looking down on you fellow man and expect them to fix your problems. Likewise, if you look up, you are looking for a King, leader, etc. to fix your problems. When I hear someone complain about their health, their work, their home life my response is usually "And just how do you plan on fixing it?"

I would not disassociate myself from a group simply due to them no liking how I state things or actions I take. If they don't want me around... tell me so. I have extremely thick skin. In the meantime, I will not associate with people who have certain habits or are chronic complainers. Just don't want dragged down to that level. They always said it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown. At this age, I get tired too easily. I'm going to smile all I can and not use my energy to frown.
 
Grumpy Ol' Man said:
One of the things my wife and I have promised each other is that we will NEVER sit around complaining about anything. My co-workers and close friends didn't even know when I "disappeared" to have some surgery this Spring. They have no idea I was falsely diagnosed this summer with a fairly aggressive skin cancer. No matter what ache, pain, or issue I have... someone will try to "up" you with their problems. So... why not stay positive?
Likewise at work or with certain organizations I belong to. If I don't have a solution, then don't complain about the problem. Was in a discussion just this morning about what to expect for 2017 at our golf club. The shop manager was "complaining" that everyone who came in was "complaining". He said that no one was in a holiday spirit. So, he said "And what do you think is wrong with the club?" My response was "I have three things I would like to see happen in 2017. Here are the three and how I would fix them." He seemed to appreciate that I just didn't complain without offering suggestions and solutions.

Over the years, I've oft times been my own worst company. I complain a lot to myself, but not to others. I don't like the term "Rise above it!" If you "rise", you are looking down on you fellow man and expect them to fix your problems. Likewise, if you look up, you are looking for a King, leader, etc. to fix your problems. When I hear someone complain about their health, their work, their home life my response is usually "And just how do you plan on fixing it?"

I would not disassociate myself from a group simply due to them no liking how I state things or actions I take. If they don't want me around... tell me so. I have extremely thick skin. In the meantime, I will not associate with people who have certain habits or are chronic complainers. Just don't want dragged down to that level. They always said it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown. At this age, I get tired too easily. I'm going to smile all I can and not use my energy to frown.
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I seek out people like you, who are positive and surround myself with them. They always seem to have cool ideas and are trying new things. When I'm around positive people, I tend to feel more positive myself and I often am taken in different directions to try new things, even if it's just a new book to read or a movie to watch.

"When I hear someone complain about their health, their work, their home life my response is usually "And just how do you plan on fixing it?" I love that! I will remember it.
 
debodun said:
When I complain to friends about my perceived problems, some of them say that I should "rise above it." If I did that, I'd be half-way to Mars!
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IMO you should spare any real friends you have from the types of problems that you share with us. We all have some level of perceived problems and droning on and on about them when we are with the people we care about is just a boring waste of time. Choose to be happy when you are with friends, use the time to find out how they are doing and what is happening in their lives before they fall off the end of the conveyor belt you mentioned in a recent thread.

Save the complaining for us, LOL!!!
 
I know you have a lot going on. That house and all. I think it is true many people just have their own problems and don't want to listen. This has been my experience anyway. I know I have things to worry about and really there is no one to talk to about them. I'm on my own. It's always helpful to have advice but not always easy to find it. Even from "friends"

I think you are single and I am too. A lot of people who have a spouse probably don't realize how much they rely on each other for every day help, decisions and support.
 
BlondieBoomer said:
It sounds like you may need to get involved in more positive experiences. How about volunteering to help out at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen, or reading to sick or blind people at a hospital or senior care facility? Sometimes realizing that there are others who are seriously impacted by poor health or lack of a home and food makes one realize how truly lucky we are and we can rise above the pettiness that sometimes infringes on our everyday lives out of boredom or not having enough to do.
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I do volunteer to deliver meals to shut-ins and the elderly. I don't do it every day, though. Averages about 8 days a month.

I also think I have problems until I hear the prayer requests from people in my church's congregation. So many sick (many with severe health issues) and personal problems. Makes mine seem pretty petty. I am single - always have been - even an only child (spoiled).

My parents, especially mom, were over-protective and fixed all my problems. I was never allowed to make my own decisions. When mom finally passed, she left me an adult with the emotional capability of a 10-year-old.
 
Deb, rise above it or it will drag you down and you don't deserve that. Each time you amplify a complaint by saying it out loud, especially more than once, it does you no good. Kudos for helping the needy with your meal deliveries and you're wise to know the difference between severe problems and petty ones, good to always keep in mind. Condolences for the loss of your parents, and have a very Merry Christmas. A good New Year's resolution for you might be to overlook life's little annoyances, and cherish each and every day for the goodness it brings....hugs. :love_heart:

 
Hugs, Deb. People often don't understand the damage that overprotecting children can cause. Have you considered talking to a counselor? You are very intelligent, with a logical mindset, I think. Behaviour is a wave curve, there are skill sets you can learn which will ease your discomfort, and perhaps offer a less stressful way to approach problems/decisions.
 
Shalimar said:
You are very intelligent, with a logical mindset, I think.
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Maybe too much so, but that works against me in some situations. I have this idea that things should be "just so" or play out in a certain way and when they don't, it completely derails me. I have a tough time realizing not everyone runs on a clockwork regimen or always does things things through logically. I can always see a hundred ways to do things better, but my suggestions aren't always appreciated. I can tell everyone else what to do, but not myself. My personal mantra - Why is common sense usually so often mistaken as genius?
 

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