Romance in your senior years.

fancicoffee13

fancicoffee13

Senior Member
Location
Texas
I hear that some do this. However, the first thing that crosses my mind is caregiving, etc. Does anyone out there know about this in the positive realm? I don't mind being friends/close friends and being there for each other but not marriage. I guess it is because I have been hurt severely bad and scared to go there. But, I just got winked at tonight. We both go to the senior center.
 

Romance will occur as long as we aging humans still have physical attractions to others and that includes possible romance. A man and woman of any age at close distance looking into each others smiling eyes, absorbing the immensity of nonverbal body vibes of each other's warm humanness, can potentially be an incredibly deep, wonderful experience.

Human opposite genders have a considerable natural attraction to each other at a physical level that I admit to being hopelessly happily motivated about. That noted, it is also true, I don't have trouble just being friends or cooperative equals with some women, especially married women regardless of how attractive they are, that anyone in a complex adult work world of offices, workplaces, and community groups learns to develop and be part of cooperative constructive teams.

In such places men and women do often interact on equals levels, inhibiting natural gender tendencies. But indeed many men by subtle nature if given opportunity, sometimes due to social immaturity, some men from position's of power or physical strength, cannot resist pressuring women they are attracted to at a physical level that usually starts with nonverbal facial emotions. Women in kind learn how to subconsciously send out negative nonverbal vibes to block going down those paths. In any case, unusually facially attractive younger adult people regardless of societal environment, receive a lot of positive nonverbals from opposite gender others they need to be able to react to in kind.
 
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oldaunt said:
Friends are nice. But men have such a hard time being JUST friends with women. They all want 'benefits'. That said, I have a brother and a dog.
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Most of my friends are women. When they date they ask me to 'assess' the person and see if there are any 'red flags'.
I disagree with the 'benifits' thing though.
These days, its not like it use to be.
Women use to hold off 'benefits' as if it were some prize. These days benefits are much easier and mutually beneficial. These are the days of equality after all, so 'holding off' benefits doesn't have the same effect as it did in the past.

As far as 'looking for a nurse', that goes both ways. Many women don't want to grow old alone and are looking for financial stability. I'm not saying ALL WOMEN, but more times than not thats what I find.

Men and women get 'hardened' over time by life relationship tramas, and thats fine, but our hearts still long for that closeness, regardless what our minds say.
 
I think romance at any age can be wonderful and quite enjoyable, if and when you find the right person. You may not think that person exists, but you may very well be wrong about that. Life can be full of surprises when you remain open to the possibility.

As for the "benefits" or "putting out", I have never cared for either of those terms if it means that the woman doesn't enjoy it. There may be some men who wouldn't care about that, as long as she accommodates, but to me, it would just be going through the motions without any real intimate connection. I think if it's something you simply get no pleasure from anymore, then let it be known up front that's it's not gonna happen, and the relationship will have to survive without it, or cease to exist.

However, I will say that you may say think that door is closed, but if you meet the right gentleman, you may find an awakened interest. It does happen.
 
I am in a relationship and have been for over 5 years now. But it is not as romantic as it used to be since my boyfriend (we do not live together or ever will) has serious health issues. I am fine with it just the way it is. We talk on the phone almost daily and he will take me to the store or out to eat every now and then. We used to see each other a lot more often but I find myself not wanting to go to many activities now.
 
I'm 77, and definitely not a love god. Yet, when I go to senior centers, there's only two types of people, there. One is the married couples, who have been married since the dinosaurs died. The other is widows. When some look at me, they are thinking about the white dress and walking down the aisle. It's not me, but that I'm a guy. I think some women still want a marriage.
Of course, these geezers like me, who think there's no way in hell.
 
Sippican said:
Most of my friends are women. When they date they ask me to 'assess' the person and see if there are any 'red flags'.
I disagree with the 'benifits' thing though.
These days, its not like it use to be.
Women use to hold off 'benefits' as if it were some prize. These days benefits are much easier and mutually beneficial. These are the days of equality after all, so 'holding off' benefits doesn't have the same effect as it did in the past.

As far as 'looking for a nurse', that goes both ways. Many women don't want to grow old alone and are looking for financial stability. I'm not saying ALL WOMEN, but more times than not thats what I find.

Men and women get 'hardened' over time by life relationship tramas, and thats fine, but our hearts still long for that closeness, regardless what our minds say.
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I'm not "holding off benefits". I am refusing them utterly. I have NO interest.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I'm 77, and definitely not a love god. Yet, when I go to senior centers, there's only two types of people, there. One is the married couples, who have been married since the dinosaurs died. The other is widows. When some look at me, they are thinking about the white dress and walking down the aisle. It's not me, but that I'm a guy. I think some women still want a marriage.
Of course, these geezers like me, who think there's no way in hell.
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I went to our local center once. 2 men descended on me with waggling eyebrows and suggestive remarks. I never went back. And marriage? Not a chance. I LIKE living alone.
 
katlupe said:
I am in a relationship and have been for over 5 years now. But it is not as romantic as it used to be since my boyfriend (we do not live together or ever will) has serious health issues. I am fine with it just the way it is. We talk on the phone almost daily and he will take me to the store or out to eat every now and then. We used to see each other a lot more often but I find myself not wanting to go to many activities now.
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The person he was with last night, I assumed was his wife, seemed upset and bossy and not good. His attention, therefore turned towards me and I just ignored it and went on, but was friendly.
 
I think this is a very individual thing, just as it has been our entire lives.

Personally I think a late marriage works best if done before 60, after plenty of time to know each other, blend families as necessary (let kids and relatives get comfortable), and realize there is enough in common including long term goals. At that point it doesn't take much to see that there are even financial benefits, for example taxwise as well as health insurance and living costs. Never mind the other ways a couple can help each other every day.

That's not to diminish feelings, sentiment, even romance. In my view that comes first as the basis for exploring anything more permanent.

That said, what do I know? My last good shot at such a thing was over a decade ago and it didn't pan out.
 
dilettante said:
I think this is a very individual thing, just as it has been our entire lives.

Personally I think a late marriage works best if done before 60, after plenty of time to know each other, blend families as necessary (let kids and relatives get comfortable), and realize there is enough in common including long term goals. At that point it doesn't take much to see that there are even financial benefits, for example taxwise as well as health insurance and living costs. Never mind the other ways a couple can help each other every day.

That's not to diminish feelings, sentiment, even romance. In my view that comes first as the basis for exploring anything more permanent.

That said, what do I know? My last good shot at such a thing was over a decade ago and it didn't pan out.
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Right, I do good to look after my own self. I know from my own experience how hard it is to be a caregiver in life's last stages. Don't care to go through that as well as the good friendship. Just seeing my seniors when I go to the center and then go home and enjoy my pets and peace of mind is what I enjoy. Thank you.
 
I'm sure that none of you fine people have heard me mention a certain lovely lady who lives across the road šŸ˜Š, well, a few months ago I was sat in her kitchen enjoying a cup of tea and a piece of her freshly baked apple pie, when her grandson and his wife arrived.
A little while later her grandson, smiling, said to us, "Why don't you two get married, you're perfect for each other?"
His eardrums nearly burst when the lovely lady barked, "No chance!!"
And of course, I responded as politely as I could by saying, "Your Gran could do much better than taking me on, and anyway, you've all heard me fart." šŸ˜Š
 
Blah. I'm thinking about learning something new instead. Romance where I live means dealing with a family clique where people don't filter what they say to me. After a husband and raising children I'm pretty tired of that. I'm just too tired to go looking for love. They can have their family for company. I don't need anymore stress for the rest of my life.
 
I lost my wife when I was 67 after 30 years of marriage. I was blessed to find a lady who was widowed at about the same time I was. We each have 2 sons about the same age, who have accepted us as a couple.
We were married on the Island of Santorini, and just celebrated our 16th anniversary. Life is good :D
 
bowmore said:
I lost my wife when I was 67 after 30 years of marriage. I was blessed to find a lady who was widowed at about the same time I was. We each have 2 sons about the same age, who have accepted us as a couple.
We were married on the Island of Santorini, and just celebrated our 16th anniversary. Life is good :D
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Good story.

I was going to reply that Romance, if that's the word for it later in life, happens by chance and not by design. The pieces just fall into place.

All the good second marriages come about that way.
 
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