Rules for Arguing

Keesha

Keesha

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Location
Canada 🇨🇦
Do you and your partner have ‘rules for arguing’ implemented for when needed?


Everyone has buttons that can be pushed. When your spouse or significant other pushes yours, what rules of conduct have you committed yourself to use so the fight doesn’t spiral out of control?
 

I read somewhere that a couple's argument should last no more than 15 minutes. Anything more is repetition and name calling.

Edit to add; dragging up the past.
 

I give up as soon as I see she's not going to give in - so, we'll be celebrating our 46th wedding anniversary on the 25th of this month (June) :cool:. Don...
 
Learn to pick your battles, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Don't worry when I fight with you worry when I stop because it means that we have nothing left.
 
I really like all the answers.

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy, sounds like something off of Dr. Phil but I think it speaks volumes.

We’ve been together for almost 30 years now and while we don’t argue often, when we do, we both can become exceptionally stubborn. Now we have a rule where if we can’t talk it out like civilized adults within a certain amount of time then we drop the subject and walk away.


I honestly can’t wrap my head around having only ONE fight in almost 55 years. :shrug: That’s amazing.
We would have to stop communicating to each other all together and live in separate houses. :laugh:
 
Aunt Bea said:
Learn to pick your battles, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Don't worry when I fight with you worry when I stop because it means that we have nothing left.
Click to expand...
My man constantly makes fun of how much I talk but he says he REALLY worries when I don’t talk at all.
:grin:
 
The best way to diffuse an argument is to use a sense of humor.

You don't want to dismiss the seriousness but humor can turn it into a discussion instead of an argument.
 
She sometimes lets it appear that I'm the boss. She lets me do stuff, she lets me buy stuff, she feeds me. Yeah, we KNOW who the Boss is :love_heart:! Don...
 
I read somewhere that 1 should put on a towel,like a cape and proclaim yourself "SUPER MAD"
The humor usually diffuses the situation.
 
We've had a few arguments since we've been married. If my wife is the cause of the argument, after awhile she will say "I'm sorry" and "I love you" and, if I'm the cause, the same thing will happen. Along with the "I'm sorry" and "I love you" will come a nice hug.

We will also discuss why the argument started and both of us will try not to have it happen again.
 
Through 40 years together I can count our serious arguments on one hand and still have fingers left. Even minor arguments are extraordinarily rare. Our relationship has been one of the easiest aspects of my life.
 
Keesha said:
Do you and your partner have ‘rules for arguing’ implemented for when needed?

Everyone has buttons that can be pushed. When your spouse or significant other pushes yours, what rules of conduct have you committed yourself to use so the fight doesn’t spiral out of control?
Click to expand...

To address your question, Keesha, we haven't ever needed rules. Our own parents were very respectful and polite toward one another and we repeated the pattern in our own marriage. Disagreements have always stayed on topic. No name calling ever or dredging up past misdeeds.

A long time ago I realized that the way to keep from stepping on a loved one's toes was to stay mindful and respectful about where their toes happen to be.
 
StarSong said:
To address your question, Keesha, we haven't ever needed rules. Our own parents were very respectful and polite toward one another and we repeated the pattern in our own marriage. Disagreements have always stayed on topic. No name calling ever or dredging up past misdeeds.

A long time ago I realized that the way to keep from stepping on a loved one's toes was to stay mindful and respectful about where their toes happen to be.
Click to expand...

Thats really great Starsong that you haven’t needed to consciously create healthy boundaries since you had parents who were role models on how to be respectful and polite to one another. Some of us had the exact opposite so these respectful, loving patterns didn’t come naturally but was something many of us have had to struggle with learning on our own which is the the very reason for implementing ground rules.

It’s not ‘that’ unusual for couples to set up ground rules. In fact, it’s considered a healthy habit for couples to participate in.
 
I should have said that my parents gave every appearance of being polite and respectful toward one another. Their marriage rotted from the inside out. A few good (non physical) knock-down drag-out fights might have benefited them. I couldn't have hurt...
 
" Sue, we haven't had an argument in a long time."

"That's true. Can you remember what it was about?"

"Not really...Wait a sec....Was it about my breaking your favourite plate?"

"What favourite plate?"

"The one you got from your sister....The plate she brought back from Spain..."

"You broke it?"

"Oh oh..."

"I didn't know you broke it...Why didn't you tell me."

"Are we going to argue about my not telling you?"

"Of course not."

"Whew.....You had me worried for a second, there."

"Well, I threw out your old running shoes..."

"What?"

"We are even."

"Got it...Love you..."
 

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