SifuPhil
R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
- Location
- Pennsylvania, USA
SeaBreeze's post on romantic poems reminded me of a song parody I did a while back ...
Same Old Damned Signs
(With apologies to Dan Fogelberg and his beautiful “Same Auld Lang Syne”)
Met my old lover in the dollar store
It happened on a humid eve
I shoved my cart into her tattooed arm
And it ripped off half her sleeve
She went to pepper-spray my sorry face
But then her eyes flew open wide.
She went to hug me but she squeezed the spray,
And we gagged until we cried.
We stuck her groceries beneath our shirts,
The food was cold against our skin.
We stood there lost in our embarrassment,
(Shoplifting’s SUCH a sin!)
We went to have ourselves a drink or two,
But couldn't find a sleazy bar
We stole some Ripple from a wino then
And we drank it in her car.
(Chorus) We drank a toast to impotence;
We drank a toast, and how!
And tried to reach each others “happy spots”,
But neither one knew how.
She said she'd married an old man named Bill
Whose parts were old and scaled and dry
She laughed and said she should have poisoned him,
But was too lazy to try.
I said the years had been no friend to her,
And that her eyes were black and blue.
And in those eyes I’m pretty sure that I
Saw gross ineptitude.
She said she saw me in the porno flix,
And that I must be doing well.
I said the cast mates there were heavenly,
But the cleaning bill was hell.
(Chorus) We drank a toast to impotence,
We drank a toast, and how!
And tried to reach each others “happy spots”,
But neither one knew how.
We drank a toast to impotence;
We lost all track of time.
And bellowing like elephants
A boozy 'Auld Lang Syne’...
The jug was empty and our tongues were tied,
And running out of time to play.
She then air-kissed me as I got on out,
And I watched her peel away.
Just for a moment I felt such a fool,
And felt that old familiar pain .........
And as I turned to make my way back home,
The wine turned off my brain ..............
Same Old Damned Signs
(With apologies to Dan Fogelberg and his beautiful “Same Auld Lang Syne”)
Met my old lover in the dollar store
It happened on a humid eve
I shoved my cart into her tattooed arm
And it ripped off half her sleeve
She went to pepper-spray my sorry face
But then her eyes flew open wide.
She went to hug me but she squeezed the spray,
And we gagged until we cried.
We stuck her groceries beneath our shirts,
The food was cold against our skin.
We stood there lost in our embarrassment,
(Shoplifting’s SUCH a sin!)
We went to have ourselves a drink or two,
But couldn't find a sleazy bar
We stole some Ripple from a wino then
And we drank it in her car.
(Chorus) We drank a toast to impotence;
We drank a toast, and how!
And tried to reach each others “happy spots”,
But neither one knew how.
She said she'd married an old man named Bill
Whose parts were old and scaled and dry
She laughed and said she should have poisoned him,
But was too lazy to try.
I said the years had been no friend to her,
And that her eyes were black and blue.
And in those eyes I’m pretty sure that I
Saw gross ineptitude.
She said she saw me in the porno flix,
And that I must be doing well.
I said the cast mates there were heavenly,
But the cleaning bill was hell.
(Chorus) We drank a toast to impotence,
We drank a toast, and how!
And tried to reach each others “happy spots”,
But neither one knew how.
We drank a toast to impotence;
We lost all track of time.
And bellowing like elephants
A boozy 'Auld Lang Syne’...
The jug was empty and our tongues were tied,
And running out of time to play.
She then air-kissed me as I got on out,
And I watched her peel away.
Just for a moment I felt such a fool,
And felt that old familiar pain .........
And as I turned to make my way back home,
The wine turned off my brain ..............
