Sex, Dementia ad Husband on Trial at age 78 - what are your thoughts in this

Having visited many female relatives in these places I just can't imagine any of them looking for sex, maybe a warm touch on the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek or, if they could stand, a hug...
 

Ralphy1 said:
Having visited many female relatives in these places I just can't imagine any of them looking for sex, maybe a warm touch on the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek or, if they could stand, a hug...
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Sometimes we are guilty of interjecting our own feelings toward a subject while pretending to know exactly what another person is feeling.


I took care of one Resident who was Italian... From the old country.. She had dementia and lost much of her cognitive ability.. The one thing she DID remember was that she had several glasses of red wine every night.. and it gave her pleasure.. Her family got permission from the doc and the Home to bring in her wine, which she was allowed to have every evening. She remembered that and she looked forward to it. Not all things are forgotten Ralphy.
 
Not likely.They would have laughed at the thought of it. One told me that she thought that a nurse was coming on to her and I told her that maybe a lesbian relationship might be nice. She recoiled in horror...��
 

One assisted living home has a cocktail lounge with a piano bar! Mostly fruit drinks served but I would have enjoyed a martini at the happy hour...:cool:
 
I still think it is outrageous that the State stuck its nose into this couple's personal behavior. Don't they have any REAL criminals to prosecute?

The nursing facility should have put the wife back in her own room alone, and then her and her husband's activities wouldn't disturb roommates. The daughters should butt out.
 
I've read this article twice and I want to say the privacy of this couple was invaded. But I have a nagging suspicion there's more than meets the eye here. They say there wasn't abuse but I wonder. Somehow it just doesn't add up.
 
I am surprised that this is still an issue. Over 60 years ago, when I was in nursing training, it was a concern. Then in the 80's, it was addressed openly and many nursing homes became more aware and accepting of the human need for touch and intimacy.
In fact, there was a very moving film, I used in education presentations for nursing aides. http://www.keller.com/tricepts/rose.html That, after all these years, is still available.
Yet, it still appears that acceptance has still not progressed very far, in all these years. Though it does appear much of this irrational ado was instituted by her family.
 
Perhaps a respectful sexual relationship is possible, if extremely rare, and doubtful in cases of serious dementia...
 
ndynt said:
I am surprised that this is still an issue. Over 60 years ago, when I was in nursing training, it was a concern. Then in the 80's, it was addressed openly and many nursing homes became more aware and accepting of the human need for touch and intimacy.
In fact, there was a very moving film, I used in education presentations for nursing aides. http://www.keller.com/tricepts/rose.html That, after all these years, is still available.
Yet, it still appears that acceptance has still not progressed very far, in all these years. Though it does appear much of this irrational ado was instituted by her family.
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I think this is where we nurses have a different outlook. Patient's rights particularly that of privacy are drilled into us from day one of nurses training. I remember my first nursing lecture. The instructor stood up at the podium in the lecture hall... and asked a question.. "What would you do if you walked into a patient's room and they were masturbating?" Of course everyone gasped and people said.. "tell them to stop it!" Or "tie their hands down!".... BUT... the instructor gave the correct answer... " You pull the curtain and leave them alone" The point my instructor was making right off the bat on day one, was that patients privacy rights trump all the notions the staff or others may have about what is right or what is proper. (of course provided they are not doing physical harm to themselves or someone else).

Having worked with the Alzheimers and dementia population, I know they are capable of tenderness, emotion and even sexual arousal. They have moments of lucidity that surprise us. They also have the right to privacy. They and their families have lost so much... Why take more away?
 
I think there is an underlying societal discomfort around the idea that seniors have any sexuality whatsoever. Pleez! Sex is not only for the perky. I certainly have no plans to embrace celibacy anytime soon.
 
But I was planning to visit you, and I would bring the wine and candles and enjoy your "poetry."
 
Shalimar said:
I think there is an underlying societal discomfort around the idea that seniors have any sexuality whatsoever. Pleez! Sex is not only for the perky. I certainly have no plans to embrace celibacy anytime soon.
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You are exactly right about this, I was having a discussion with some people on a site once and I remember a lot of outrage when mentioning the fact that people of a certain age participate in various acts. People got so up in arms to the point that it was reported and I was told people were uncomfortable with thoughts of their grandparents having intimate relationships, and found such discussions vulgar, which is why they removed several people's including mine from the thread. But, yet, they allowed discussions of oral and various other intimate things when older folks weren't mentioned. :( Some people are just uncomfortable with the subject in general, though it is a natural part of the human condition regardless of age.
 
April, I may be wrong, but I think that part of the discomfort that some younger people feel about elder sex, is around the body image thing. In many minds, aacceptable sex is tied to very narrow societal views on what constitutes a attractive appearance, ie. no fat, super toned, well proportioned, blemish free. No wonder people have such difficulties with self-esteem, and pursue unrealistic, and often dangerous body image goals. Fat shaming remains the last truly acceptable prejudice found across the board.
 
Shalimar said:
April, I may be wrong, but I think that part of the discomfort that some younger people feel about elder sex, is around the body image thing. In many minds, aacceptable sex is tied to very narrow societal views on what constitutes a attractive appearance, ie. no fat, super toned, well proportioned, blemish free. No wonder people have such difficulties with self-esteem, and pursue unrealistic, and often dangerous body image goals. Fat shaming remains the last truly acceptable prejudice found across the board.
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True for many things, but in the case I was referencing, these were people in their 30's 40's and 50's complaining about those over the ages of say 60+
 
I hear you, April, but I think that many people in that age group view persons in the 60+ age group as ugly individuals who should leave the practice of sex to those who have no wrinkles or sagging skin. I got into it with one of my son's friends, a real poisonous little princess. My son warned her not to push my buttons, but her smug arrogance pushed my buttons, especially when she intimated that I might be acceptable since it 'appeared' I had taken care of myself. Mercy, Jesse started laughing, and I went off like a Celtic rocket. Strangely, she avoided me after that. I was not kind that day.
 
Shalimar said:
I hear you, April, but I think that many people in that age group view persons in the 60+ age group as ugly individuals who should leave the practice of sex to those who have no wrinkles or sagging skin. I got into it with one of my son's friends, a real poisonous little princess. My son warned her not to push my buttons, but her smug arrogance pushed my buttons, especially when she intimated that I might be acceptable since it 'appeared' I had taken care of myself. Mercy, Jesse started laughing, and I went off like a Celtic rocket. Strangely, she avoided me after that. I was not kind that day.
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People will find any reason to say yuck about intimacy for any and every reason, age, size, sagging, a disability, doesn't matter, that's just some mindsets, but, age in and of itself is cause enough for some people, doesn't matter what the person looks like, just the fact that they've past a certain age is all that matters in their minds, those are the people, I was addressing. I've heard terrible things said about some of the most in shape women of a certain age when addressing the subject, as with many things in life, people want you to just sit on a porch and knit past a certain age, some of these people will tell you women past 40 shouldn't have hair past a certain length, wear this or that and it goes on.

Take Jane Fonda and Helen Mirren very attractive older women, I've heard things like disgusting when these women express their views on their sexuality or wear certain clothing from a few ageist types when it comes to such things.
 
Wow, April, I have experienced the ageist thing about clothes, hair, appearance, but I guess I haven't been exposed to the time limit approach to sex in quite,that way. How sad. I wonder as they age, if the opinions of the sex police will change?
 
Shalimar said:
Wow, April, I have experienced the ageist thing about clothes, hair, appearance, but I guess I haven't been exposed to the time limit approach to sex in quite,that way. How sad. I wonder as they age, if the opinions of the sex police will change?
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:lofl: Sex police .....so funny. Love your labeling, Shalimar.
 
Shalimar said:
Wow, April, I have experienced the ageist thing about clothes, hair, appearance, but I guess I haven't been exposed to the time limit approach to sex in quite,that way. How sad. I wonder as they age, if the opinions of the sex police will change?
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Probably so, but by the time the present sex police are old and saggy, there will be younger sex police stepping up to say "Ewwwww!"
 

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