She's gone for someone better, (or would move on if she met a partner more to her liking)

[grahamg]

A very good friend of mine once told me that a girlfriend of mine who was unable to move on following the breakdown of her marriage, (her husband leaving after a long term affair all carried on behind her back), would move on if she found someone more to her liking than I was.

Now the blunt comment and knock to my ego was very well meant, and this friend had been too good to me so I couldn't take any offence at the obvious negative comment, however it does raise the question as to what was meant by "someone better or more to my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend's liking"(?).

I've heard it said many times that women tend to look for men who make them feel secure, (professionals tell you this when you get divorced I know), so there's the first thing, "a man who might make a woman feel secure"!

"Handsome and smartly dressed", those two you'd expect a woman to admire in a man, plus a "good catch", (whatever that might mean?), and perhaps a "cool guy", (again whatever it is makes someone appear "cool").

We can all try of course to improve ourselves, but if "you cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear", our chances we'll ever be as cool as the next guy, especially an "alpha guy" are not that great are they, so we'll just have to do our best with wat we've got hey !

 

[Remy]

I don't agree with your friend. What this woman experienced is a hard thing to move on from. Can take a long time to deal with and process. Then throw in trust issues.

 

[carouselsilver]

It took me a very long time to trust again, after a horrible marriage. But the second time around is so much better, because I had time to really think about what I wanted in a relationship. During those lonely years, I was told several times by well meaning friends that my standards were too high because I maintained that I would not tolerate alcohol or drug abuse, violence, or criminal behavior. Go figure!

 

[Remy]

It took me a very long time to trust again, after a horrible marriage. But the second time around is so much better, because I had time to really think about what I wanted in a relationship. During those lonely years, I was told several times by well meaning friends that my standards were too high because I maintained that I would not tolerate alcohol or drug abuse, violence, or criminal behavior. Go figure!

That was some messed up, unsupportive and just plain what the... from your friends.

 

[Packerjohn]

It took me a very long time to trust again, after a horrible marriage. But the second time around is so much better, because I had time to really think about what I wanted in a relationship. During those lonely years, I was told several times by well meaning friends that my standards were too high because I maintained that I would not tolerate alcohol or drug abuse, violence, or criminal behavior. Go figure!

Good for you! No woman should ever tolerate alcohol, drug abuse, violence, criminal behavior or someone that is not faithful and cheats. There are good men out there so why stay with "Mama's Boy" or "Just Plain Ugly Losers."

 

[carouselsilver]

That was some messed up, unsupportive and just plain what the... from your friends.

I felt the same. I could see them having that opinion if I had said that I would only settle for tall, dark, handsome and wealthy men!

 

[Murrmurr]

Graham, after me and my 1st wife divorced, I absolutely refused to allow myself to get *too* emotionally invested in another relationship. None of the women I dated knew why because I didn't talk about it, so maybe they thought it was them. Maybe they thought I broke up with them because I didn't like their looks or their personality or habits, or that I never really liked them from the start, and I was just using them, or whatever, but none of that was true at all. I just didn't want to risk having my heart ripped to shreds again; avoiding winding up yet another woman's chump; trying to keep my ego intact and all that.

 

[senior chef]

For short term relationships, a woman may well chose a "cool" guy or an exciting one, but for longer term relationships SECURITY is far, far more important. In fact, security probably outweighs all other issues.

 

[Jamala]

For short term relationships, a woman may well chose a "cool" guy or an exciting one, but for longer term relationships SECURITY is far, far more important. In fact, security probably outweighs all other issues.

How old is the manual where you get your information? Women today are more financially "secure"than they ever were in history!

 

[senior chef]

How old is the manual where you get your information? Women today are more financially "secure"than they ever were in history!

True. Today, women, generally speaking, are more financially secure than at any point in history. However, that does not stop them from wanting ever more. One woman, in particular, comes to mind... Jackie Kennedy. Though extremely wealthy, she STILL re-married one of the World's richest men... Aristotle Onassis. (a singularly physically unattractive man)

 

[Jamala]

True. Today, women, generally speaking, are more financially secure than at any point in history. However, that does not stop them from wanting ever more. One woman, in particular, comes to mind... Jackie Kennedy. Though extremely wealthy, she STILL re-married one of the World's richest men... Aristotle Onassis. (a singularly physically unattractive man)

Oh come on - first you say "generally speaking" and then you name one particular woman. The majority of women today can fend for themselves if they have to.

 

[grahamg]

Oh come on - first you say "generally speaking" and then you name one particular woman. The majority of women today can fend for themselves if they have to.

You have made points I'd probably have made, or that have crossed my mind certainly, but the counter argument is human nature doesn't change as you've suggested it has done.
Who is right I don't know, though I do know the narrative being fed to folks nowadays is that relationships aren't supposed to last a lifetime, (or love doesn't last a lifetime!), so this kind of thing going on, essentially propaganda being used for whatever reason, has to have an impact.
"I'm not happy, hence I leave the relationship", rather than, " I'm not happy, I'll do something to try to help get back the happiness in the relationship", (working at it as an aunt of mine used to say was necessary for a successful marriage)

 

[senior chef]

Oh come on - first you say "generally speaking" and then you name one particular woman. The majority of women today can fend for themselves if they have to.

Yes, as I said, many women can take care of themselves. That is, however, a far cry from being able to take care of oneself and having greater access to money. Never forget that most women, NOT ALL, want MORE. More money. More clothes. More shoes. Better cars, Bigger and better homes. More. Always MORE ! (Women, use the euphemism 'security' instead of money.)

It's ironic that in an effort to provide greater "security" he works ever harder and longer hours. THEN, she gets upset that he is rarely around to support her emotional needs.

 

[Trish]

Yes, as I said, many women can take care of themselves. That is, however, a far cry from being able to take care of oneself and having greater access to money. Never forget that most women, NOT ALL, want MORE. More money. More clothes. More shoes. Better cars, Bigger and better homes. More. Always MORE ! (Women, use the euphemism 'security' instead of money.)

It's ironic that in an effort to provide greater "security" he works ever harder and longer hours. THEN, she gets upset that he is rarely around to support her emotional needs.

Thank you senior chef for mansplaining a woman's psyche

 

[Lara]

...Never forget that most women, NOT ALL, want MORE. More money. More clothes. More shoes. Better cars, Bigger and better homes. More. Always MORE ! (Women, use the euphemism 'security' instead of money.)

"Most" women? You have a very Distorted Sense of Reality. Bitterness won't serve you well in your remaining years. I would like to see you turn this around so you don't die an unhappy man. I care. So make better choices with what you watch on TV (Not Soaps, Not Hollywood, Not Tabloids, Not today's Movies, Not TV Sensationalism, etc).

Some women AND some men selfishly seek excessive wealth and "things". Don't dwell there. Instead of whining about it, change your Focus. Look for the good people out there in the world. They're all over the place. Dwell there.
`

 

[grahamg]

Graham, after me and my 1st wife divorced, I absolutely refused to allow myself to get *too* emotionally invested in another relationship. None of the women I dated knew why because I didn't talk about it, so maybe they thought it was them. Maybe they thought I broke up with them because I didn't like their looks or their personality or habits, or that I never really liked them from the start, and I was just using them, or whatever, but none of that was true at all. I just didn't want to risk having my heart ripped to shreds again; avoiding winding up yet another woman's chump; trying to keep my ego intact and all that.

You make many pertinent points here, obviously concerning emotional attachments, (i.e."love"), and the way men often do behave.
It crosses my mind maybe there should be a pseudo legal process to be gone through before anyone marries whereby experts of some kind get to examine the compatibility of those about to commit to one another or shack up together, to weed out those of us making the most glaring oversights, or poor judgements!
It wouldn't work I know, but at least this intrusion into our family lives could come before children appear on the scene, (and if I had my way a lot of those family law professionals would have their workload curtailed, intruding into childrens lives, so they could spare some time to try to intervene where those of us adults prone to poor choices are heading before the disastrous marriages go ahead).

 

[grahamg]

Thank you senior chef for mansplaining a woman's psyche

I agree a very narrow view is given there, (one many men may hold though), however if self interest, or the pursuit of self interest is all there really is motivating human beings, male or female, all kinds of negatives are thrown up aren't they, were it true(?).

 

[senior chef]

"Most" women? You have a very Distorted Sense of Reality. Bitterness won't serve you well in your remaining years. I would like to see you turn this around so you don't die an unhappy man. I care. So make better choices with what you watch on TV (Not Soaps, Not Hollywood, Not Tabloids, Not today's Movies, Not TV Sensationalism, etc).

Some women AND some men selfishly seek excessive wealth and "things". Don't dwell there. Instead of whining about it, change your Focus. Look for the good people out there in the world. They're all over the place. Dwell there.
`

All I can do is report from my own personal experiences.

 

[Trish]

All I can do is report from my own personal experiences.

Very true senior chef however, that is, in my opinion, not made clear in your posts. It's a narrow opinion rather than fact to state "most women" want more and then to go on to reinforce that opinion by stating that women use the euphemism 'security' instead of money and then, of course, your final sentence which more reflects your own unfortunate encounters than it does on woman in general.

Yes, as I said, many women can take care of themselves. That is, however, a far cry from being able to take care of oneself and having greater access to money. Never forget that most women, NOT ALL, want MORE. More money. More clothes. More shoes. Better cars, Bigger and better homes. More. Always MORE ! (Women, use the euphemism 'security' instead of money.)

It's ironic that in an effort to provide greater "security" he works ever harder and longer hours. THEN, she gets upset that he is rarely around to support her emotional needs.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinions and this isn't posted in an aggressive way, merely just my opinion. Have a good Sunday

 

[Trish]

I agree a very narrow view is given there, (one many men may hold though), however if self interest, or the pursuit of self interest is all there really is motivating human beings, male or female, all kinds of negatives are thrown up aren't they, were it true(?).

Do many men hold that opinion though? In my opinion and experience, most people are motivated by their emotions before anything else. Of course there are exceptions and some people are motivated by self interest but I do not believe that greed has anything to do with gender (not that I am suggesting you believe that either).

 

[grahamg]

Do many men hold that opinion though? In my opinion and experience, most people are motivated by their emotions before anything else. Of course there are exceptions and some people are motivated by self interest but I do not believe that greed has anything to do with gender (not that I am suggesting you believe that either).

Many men I know do say very negative things about their exes, and I have to admit women in general.

Oddly enough, you'd have to say in terms of their physical strength, their wealth and business brain, their level of self confidence (and charm to an extent), they could be described as "alpha males", (those types of men a lot of women will be drawn to ironically! ).

 

[Trish]

Many men I know do say very negative things about their exes, and I have to admit women in general.

Oddly enough, you'd have to say in terms of their physical strength, their wealth and business brain, their level of self confidence (and charm to an extent), they could be described as "alpha males", (those types of men a lot of women will be drawn to ironically! ).

We are all attracted to something though, be it self confidence, charm, status, even arrogance but, as you know, there are alpha females too and there are men who are attracted to them for all the things you mention in your post.

I once worked for a guy who was a drunk, married multiple times and cheated on all of them but, in social situations he could be charming and he was very stylish. One of my female colleagues had a crush on him and when I asked her why, she went all dewy eyed and said "because he wears such lovely suits"!! Nowt so queer as folk

 

[oldaunt]

Yes, as I said, many women can take care of themselves. That is, however, a far cry from being able to take care of oneself and having greater access to money. Never forget that most women, NOT ALL, want MORE. More money. More clothes. More shoes. Better cars, Bigger and better homes. More. Always MORE ! (Women, use the euphemism 'security' instead of money.)

It's ironic that in an effort to provide greater "security" he works ever harder and longer hours. THEN, she gets upset that he is rarely around to support her emotional needs.

Thank goodness I would rather have much less than deal with your type of thinking.

 

[Lavinia]

There is no point in putting on an act and trying to be something you're not. You just have to behave naturally and hope that someone finds you appealing. Many women complain that their fella changed after they started living together.....and eventually they split up.

 

[JaniceM]

All I can do is report from my own personal experiences.

There you've got it- your personal experiences.
Does not mean what you experienced is common, nor does it reflect 'most' women.