Siblings - Are you close or estranged or neutral?

I have one older sister, who lives on the other side of the country. After no contact for about 20 years, we began to communicate on the phone after my parents died. We are very different in nature, life experiences and circumstances -- She and her husband are very well off and can afford to do things I can't, so we really don't have much in common and there are still issues floating around from childhood. Also there were problems during the settling of my parents estate which left some bad feelings. So in spite of efforts to maintain contact on both our parts, our relationship is rather stiff, we really can't speak openly about anything and there are still unresolved resentments in the background.
 

I have one older brother and two younger. I'm close to both the younger ones. None of us are close to the older one, though we do trade occasional emails and phone calls. We've all learned the hard way that he can't be trusted.
 
Estranged from older brother since 1997. Lost my mother due to cancer and have always felt I lost my brother due to greed.
 

I have 9 siblings, living all over the country. I don't live close to any of them. I stay in contact with all five of my sisters...we are close. My brothers...the boys, well they just aren't much for talking or keeping in touch. I initiate contact through email and get a two sentence reply lol.
One of my sisters is difficult. We have been estranged a few times but have always managed to come back to each other. She lives across the country. She was just dx with advanced colon cancer. I want to see her before she she looks death warmed over. That phrase may sound cruel but the one and only time I saw a person like that, I was physically ill for a week and I had never even met the guy. He was a relative of a co-worker.
Anyway, since both our parents are gone, my siblings have become even closer.
 
http://www.education.com/reference/article/influences-sibling-relationships/

I think it's sad that so many of us have had difficulties with brothers and sisters and my theory is that our parents just didn't have the tools that parents have today to teach kids how to interact with each other. I often wonder if reading about and knowing about sibling relationships and birth order helps at all with dealing with and improving adult sibling relationships. Or is it better to just let go and let be.

Josiah, my son is an only child and hasn't had to deal with sibling rivalry and has always had a good time with friends and family alike, so I agree, there is something to be said for being an only child.
 
I wondering if it really isn't the norm.. after all, our siblings may share part of our DNA but they are completely different from us.. not unlike the person next door or the guy on the street. Also, if there is a big age gap..( My sibling is 12 years younger) there is less in common. He and I didn't grow up together and he was only six when I left home. So he didn't have any particular loyalty to me. Although I certainly wish he had some basic human compassion... sadly he does not.

My own two sons are only 2 years apart and they aren't particularly close. They seldom talk by phone and only see each other because they both come to see me. I fear that when I am gone, they will never see one another... One thing I have made sure of.. all assets will be fairly divided to avoid fights over money.. but I cannot make them be closer than they are. It is what it is.
 
Josiah09 said:
From all the stories I've heard, I have mixed feelings about my only child status.
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When I was a kid I wished I was an only child. But now I'm very glad for my siblings - all of them.

My husband only had one child - a daughter. She now has a son who is nearly 3 and both she and her husband say he will remain an only child. They have absolutely no desire for a second. So I guess she didn't feel deprived being an only child.
 
I used to wish for another one or two, especially a brother. My sister was a bit too old to play with me, so I became friends with my cousins.
 
I was very close to all but one of my siblings, I would have given my life for any of them. They left me with the one sibling that I am not very close to though he and I love each other and do care and are supportive of each other, we are extremely different in the way we live and view the world so though we communicate, I like that we live far apart from one another, I would strangle him if we were in the same vicinity. He was the baby of the family and he milked it then and still tries, I was the only one not having it and that irks him as much as his entitlement mentality irks me. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

But, for the most part, my siblings and I enjoyed each other's company very much, no arguing at holiday gatherings, when I lived in the same state, we often spent weekends together. My sisters were my heros. Don't get me wrong, we had our differences at times, but, there was never a time when we weren't there for each other. I miss them and I know no other people could ever love and understand me the way they did. There's a huge empty spot in my heart soul without them in my life.
 
Neutral, of my three older siblings, only one has lived long enough to become a senior. My sister and I exchange birthday and Christmas cards, call each other a couple of times a year, send an email if something of note happened, but visit each other rarely. We never lived close together, but our lifestyles are different, even if she lived near, we wouldn't be everyday buddies. All of us got along well as young kids, no fighting or hatred.
 
My only sibling, a sister (2 years older), passed away several years ago, but we always got along just fine. She had her friends and I had mine...and we often intermingled.
 
I think what this thread shows is that you can pick your friends, but you don't pick your relatives (and sometimes you go through life feeling like you've been stuck with them). Sometimes you're lucky and your brothers/sisters are your best friends and other times there is absolutely nothing there. Oh well....find a good friend is all I can say.
 
Debby said:
I think what this thread shows is that you can pick your friends, but you don't pick your relatives (and sometimes you go through life feeling like you've been stuck with them). Sometimes you're lucky and your brothers/sisters are your best friends and other times there is absolutely nothing there. Oh well....find a good friend is all I can say.
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Absolutely true, Debbie. It really blows apart the concepts and expectations of 'family' for many of us. I consider those who have good relationships with siblings very lucky indeed.
 
Debby said:
I think what this thread shows is that you can pick your friends, but you don't pick your relatives (and sometimes you go through life feeling like you've been stuck with them). Sometimes you're lucky and your brothers/sisters are your best friends and other times there is absolutely nothing there. Oh well....find a good friend is all I can say.
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So much truth in that... When my late husband died, I was supported and comforted a million times more by my fellow nurse friends than any of my family. I got the feeling my family was "uncomfortable" with being around me.. almost like widowhood was catching... and not only that.. never wanted me to talk about out or show emotion, and expected me to keep a "stiff upper lip" My friends were different.. and wonderful, they allowed me to do what I had to do and say what I had to say without judgment.
 
There are 5 of us-I am the fourth-born. My brother is the oldest,followed by 4 girls. My brother and oldest sister are 11 and 13 years older than me-16 and 18 years older than my younger sister. Our parents really spread us out lol.

My brother and I are very,very close and have been since our Dad passed away in 1984. He and my SIL come to visit frequently (they live about 3 hours drive away) My younger sister and I are very,very close and her husband and mine are as well-he is the brother that my husband "adopted" since one of his has passed and the other he is not the least bit close to. In fact,they are looking to buy a place here near us within the next year.

As for my other two sisters,we are close but one shows dogs and that`s her life and it doesn`t even leave her much time to spend with her husband-nevermind her siblings. And my oldest sis is very,very involved in The Tea Party and has no time for family either now. We still get together once or twice a year but it`s not like it used to be.

Back in December,my brother`s wife was very,very ill and in intensive care. The doctors said there was no hope so we all immediately traveled from our respective homes and gathered there. We spent most of the day in a waiting room/lounge just talking and catching up and keeping my brother occupied (his wife was not conscious). We actually had a blast that day. Thankfully,my SIL survived so I can always keep that day in my memory bank as a great day with my siblings.
 
My sister is older than her, has no drug problem, is a college graduate and still will not get a real job--and gets angry if it is mentioned.
She takes thousands from my aged mother.
 
I get along very well with all my sisters. Two of them I am very close to....we're highly involved in each other's lives, even though one of them lives so far away that any farther and we'd fall into our respective oceans. The other three I love dearly but don't have a lot in common with. The two I'm close to, however, aren't overly fond of each other and that leaves me in the middle, unfortunately.
 
Given the definition of estranged I can say that me and the baby brother are estranged.
 

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