Some Etiquette at Funerals
- Thread starter debodun
- Start date
Should get the consent from the family before taking any photos.
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My dad had a closed casket funeral too. It was my decision to close the casket before the funeral, because my dad had been suffering from long term illness and was very thin, he had two falls in the weeks prior to his passing, so there were apperent bruises on his face. He didn't look good even with the makeups. A relative complained afterwards (months after the funeral), that she wish she could see my dad's body, I didn't say anything but I still think it's better not to leave such a sad image of my dad to her.
My sister's funeral was open casket. She was quite active in the community, so it was a big funeral and there was a funeral committee to arrange things. They hired a professional photographer, but I told them not to take photos of my deceased sister. They complied.
My aunt had a open casket funeral. Her old friend took a photo with the cell phone discretely while viewing my aunt in casket (and didn't ask us in advance). We didn't say anything.
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MACKTEXAS
Senior Member
@horseless carriage - It's a good photo. Since you've known the lady 30 years, you're more familiar with her tastes than anyone here, so your judgement in deciding what to wear tomorrow is probably best. If you're still unsure, then maybe go with the more subdued blazer you mentioned.
Teacher Terry
Well-known Member
Yes, honor the husband‘s request and wear exactly what you have on in the picture. I think it’s great that he asked everybody to dress in something that his wife would like. You look great!
Llynn
Non-ranked Constituent
- Location
- Pacific NorthWET
When my Maternal Grandfather died, one of my Aunts insisted on hiring a photographer to take pictures at the funeral, including shots of the old man in his casket. She paid for this and although she offered them copies none of her eight siblings accepted her offer.
Some time later that Aunt died and she left the album to the eldest sister, my Mom. In the decades since , nobody from the family has ever asked to look at it and though it is now in my possession, I've never opened it. Seems too creepy.
Some time later that Aunt died and she left the album to the eldest sister, my Mom. In the decades since , nobody from the family has ever asked to look at it and though it is now in my possession, I've never opened it. Seems too creepy.
-Oy-
Bloke with a camera
- Location
- Lancashire
I've photographed many Weddings over the years, and quite a few Christenings. But only one funeral. It felt very odd - especially when they wanted a group photo around the open coffin!
My Great Aunt and Uncle had photos of dead relatives in their coffins framed above their fireplace! The Aunt was Austrian and apparently it's what they do.
My Great Aunt and Uncle had photos of dead relatives in their coffins framed above their fireplace! The Aunt was Austrian and apparently it's what they do.
Jules
SF VIP
@horseless carriage, definitely wear that outfit. Funerals are for the living and this is what your friend requested.
horseless carriage
Well-known Member
Thank you all for your input. It's the modern idiom, a celebration of the life of the deceased, one that I empathise with. I shall wear the blazer but I am going to tone the shoes down and wear plain black rather than the two tone seen in the photo.
As for leaving the coffin open, why? Seems rather morbid to me as does photographing the proceedings. But there you go, each to their own.
NOK complimented the blazer, but didn't request him to wear to funeral.
the request was t o wear something his wife would have loved - if she loved this blazer then that fits the criteria to me.
Babs2u
Senior Member
I couldn't get to my sister's funeral a couple of years ago. (I'm in GA, She was in NY) I was glad there was a link to the ceremony. It was in the church where I grew up and where she had been very active. I enjoyed hearing the tributes to her and seeing old friends. Nothing morbid about that.Many funerals are live steamed ( videoed) for family members who can’t travel/ or wasn’t able to attend during Covid lockdowns
Personally I think it’s morbid
Id never watch a funeral video of or take photos.
I don’t even like taking photos of graves .
However I know a lady who had friends video her 40+ year old sons funeral ,and she shows it to any visitors
at her home ( he suffered from a major mental illness due to his drug addition )
He Died of bowel cancer
I knew him he had his eyes on my daughter at one stage ..I quickly put a stop to it …
We attended a neighbour’s funeral about 5 years ago …
just before Covid . it was a huge funeral and it was videoed / streamed online ( it had the links in the news paper how to watch the service online )
I don’t see why it would not be appropriate. Just not during the service or at the gravesite as that would be too disruptive and disrespectful. I have been at funerals where photos were taken of family members at the dinner after the service, and even at the gravesite once the casket was in the ground and the crowds dispersed.
LoveTulips
Senior Member
- Location
- British Columbia, Canada
Why??? Every time someone died in my family, I did not want any photos of anyone, not the deceased nor of my family and or friends there. This is not something I want to remember!! I want to remember when the deceased was happy and healthy and when family got together, it was for happy times.
StarSong
Awkward is my Superpower
- Location
- Los Angeles Suburbs
Families are spread far and wide across the globe. Streaming memorial services has offered an option to those who cannot personally attend.
During my early years (NY), all wakes featured open caskets. In my 50+years in CA, however, I recall only two services with open caskets. Viewing dead bodies strikes me as an awkward, grim custom. Plus people often feel compelled to remark on the body: "He looks really good. She looks like she's sleeping, doesn't she?" (Do people imagine those observations somehow comfort the family? And do they indeed provide comfort?)
During my early years (NY), all wakes featured open caskets. In my 50+years in CA, however, I recall only two services with open caskets. Viewing dead bodies strikes me as an awkward, grim custom. Plus people often feel compelled to remark on the body: "He looks really good. She looks like she's sleeping, doesn't she?" (Do people imagine those observations somehow comfort the family? And do they indeed provide comfort?)