Sometimes being alone is better......

This is true. It is also true that love is not always enough. If both parties have individual issues that strain the relationship and both aren't willing to work on their individual issues and the relationship...even if they stay together (as couples often did no matter what in past generations) doesn't mean they will have a happy union.

Occurred to me one could argue that if your partner isn't willing to put in the work while you were, that they were wrong person for you. But that feels like blaming them to me and i know too well that some people are so deeply wounded emotionally that no amount of love can even move them to try and heal themselves.
 
SmoothSeas said:
I am the only child of a single parent. Even as a youngster, I've always been content with my own company...
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I was a child in a blended family, but content with my own company as a chikd, Dad understood, Mom and sisters did not. Then my hormones kicked in. I walked an emotional tightrope for decades. My need for copious amounts of solitude was likely difficult for my husbands, tho all three would say what attracted them to me was my independence. I waited to have kids and was ready to prioritize parenting but i'd still stay up after the 4 a.m. feeding to have a couple of hours of quiet all to myself.
 
Gaer said:
I think the whole institution of Marriage will change into another mode of relationships
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I believe you are right. In fact our concept of Marriage is not universal even today. I live in Utah, plenty of polygamists here, remnants of Utah's Mormon past. To be clear this is not something supported by the current Mormon church, it will get you kicked out in fact. And various forms are still practiced in other cultures in the world. So long as its between truly consenting adults I have no objection to polygamy, unfortunately that has not always been the case. Not what I would want for myself, but to each their own.

I think serial monogamy of one sort or another may be closer to human nature. Not that I object to traditional marriage, I know it has worked well for a lot of people.
 
Gaer said:
My first marriage was "being with the wrong person". It was "Hell on Earth!"
I think the whole institution of Marriage will change into another mode of relationships , maybe far in the future.
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Big predictions, though I'd say it has done so already in the UK, much to my disapproval.
I think I can still say that, as someone who benefitted from divorce, maybe for similar reasons to many others, if not yourself, infidelity being a cause, along with incompatibility I'd ultimately say, (but I don't think the rules on divorce should be set, or changed to suit me, or because of my experiences).
 
Alligatorob said:
(Break) I think serial monogamy of one sort or another may be closer to human nature. Not that I object to traditional marriage, I know it has worked well for a lot of people.
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I think you're probably wrong so far as human nature goes, though I'm no expert of course, (Desmond Morris, who is an expert, said the exact opposite was true fifty years ago, when UK divorce laws were being slackened, and I don't think he's revived his opinion).
 
grahamg said:
You are right, (or those movie makers are right), the marriage vows need updating in the manner suggested, or even scrap the whole thing, fancy wedding dresses, the cake, the whole shindig, honeymoon, the lot!!!! :)
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IMO the whole drama of the wedding ceremony is one of the big problems.
An engagement period is supposed to be a time to reflect on commitment but it is consumed with wedding preparations. It is very hard to back out once that particular circus train is in motion.

I counselled our daughter and her intended that it would be OK with me to call it off any time before the wedding ceremony if either of them realised that they could not commit with their whole heart. It would not matter that invitations had been sent out or what expense would be involved.

IMO the only time to marry is when you are sure that you want to live the remainder of your life with one special person and are sure that the feeling is reciprocated.
 
@ Warrigal said "...An engagement period is supposed to be a time to reflect on commitment but it is consumed with wedding preparations." It is also a time when if they haven't already talked thru finances, division/sharing of household responsibilities/chores, feelings not just about having kids but how to raise them, and most importantly anything they would consider a 'deal breaker' then they should be talking about those things before actually married.
 
mellowyellow said:
I think marriage is like a lottery, thankfully I was one of the lucky ones, so 55 years later, it still works.
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Well said, we are only getting started at 53 years wed. What we have always done is court each other. My wife has always tried to put on a dab of make up and present her hair, if I have been away. In return she has always had a bouquet of flowers every week, often with a love letter. It's the little things that can make a big difference.
 
horseless carriage said:
Well said, we are only getting started at 53 years wed. What we have always done is court each other. My wife has always tried to put on a dab of make up and present her hair, if I have been away. In return she has always had a bouquet of flowers every week, often with a love letter. It's the little things that can make a big difference.
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Aw that sounds so lovely ...:love::love:
 
mellowyellow said:
than being with the wrong person.

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Ah, but decay in anything, happens over time and not immediately. Most people who find their relationship decayed or if they find themselves with the "wrong person", well, that likely happened over time. They may have been alone at some point and that person who seems so wrong now just maybe seemed so right or at least better than being alone at one time. One needs to choose wisely.
 
mellowyellow said:
So many divorces now, marriage no longer means 'till death do us part', sad but true.
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If people didn't get married until they were seniors then maybe more marriages actually would be "till death do us part". To be married for 50 or more years is quite the feat but marriage aged people, these days, only have about a 15 minute attention span it seems, if even that. Marriage and monogamy are nice ideals but maybe it's time for a change. We did after all, switch to cars from the horse and buggy age long ago.
 
My first 2 marriage's ended in divorce, and I thought they were for life. The third non-marriage was made when I was 37 and we married each other , for LIFE. It has had some very trying times, but the deep commitment and love we have for each other is the thread that has kept us together for 30 years. :)
 
According to an article I read (written in 2019) the divorce rate has dropped:

"Divorce in America has been falling fast in recent years, and it just hit a record low in 2019. For every 1,000 marriages in the last year, only 14.9 ended in divorce, according to the newly released American Community Survey data from the Census Bureau. This is the lowest rate we have seen in 50 years. It is even slightly lower than 1970, when 15 marriages ended in divorce per 1,000 marriages."

but then the article said this:

"Even so, fewer Americans are married today to reap the many benefits associated with marriage. Another piece of news coming out of the new Census data is that the U.S. marriage rate just hit an all-time low in 2019. For every 1,000 unmarried adults in 2019, only 33 got married. This number was 35 a decade ago in 2010 and 86 in 1970."

I'm not sure tho if they are taking the ages of unmarried people into consideration, in 1970 there were a LOT of young people and that might have made the number of people getting married higher without being as meaningful statistically.
 
Being married a long time didn't rub off on my children, both girls have been through divorce.
 

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