Colleen
Senior Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
My son (from a previous marriage) told me yesterday that he is engaged to his long-standing girlfriend of 10 years. He is 43 and had been married about 20 years ago and has been divorced for 11 years. He lives across the country from us but he's never kept in touch too much from the time he was 23. I get a text occasionally but he never calls. We've had some ups and down over the last 10 years because his girlfriends mother likes to control everyone but that didn't work out too well with us, so we've kept our distance for the most part. It's caused a strain on my relationship with my son but he lives close to them and his girlfriend is tied to her mother's apron strings. I know they will never come from PA to see us in AZ because she won't fly and she doesn't like to get that far away from her mother. Her family has pretty much become his life, too. A few years ago we moved from TX to PA to be closer to him but we were about 30 miles away and he never came to see us. We were always alone for holidays, too. They always went to her mother's house. It was very hurtful to me to realize he just didn't seem to care. Then my husband had a bad accident and was struggling for many months to heal. My son never called once nor offered to come cut the grass or help me take my husband to the doctor's, which I had to drive 35 miles one way twice a week for quite a while.
Almost 4 years ago, after my husband got better and we struggled with winter, we decided to move to AZ for our health. I have a herniated disc and arthritis in my hips and back so sitting and standing for any length of time is very painful for me. I should mention that my husband is 77 and I'm 71.
Now, there's going to be a wedding in PA in the near future and I'm not sure what I should do. I don't know if I should also mention that my son only has had contact with me (or my mother when she was alive) when he wants something like money or expects presents/money. He and his girlfriend have good jobs so it's not like they're destitute.
It's terrible of me to say, but I don't want to go to this wedding. Not only because of the reasons I've mentioned but we're living on a fixed income and don't have a lot of extra money to spare for plane tickets, hotels, rental car, clothes, gifts, etc.
Am I a bad mother for feeling this way? What would you do?
Almost 4 years ago, after my husband got better and we struggled with winter, we decided to move to AZ for our health. I have a herniated disc and arthritis in my hips and back so sitting and standing for any length of time is very painful for me. I should mention that my husband is 77 and I'm 71.
Now, there's going to be a wedding in PA in the near future and I'm not sure what I should do. I don't know if I should also mention that my son only has had contact with me (or my mother when she was alive) when he wants something like money or expects presents/money. He and his girlfriend have good jobs so it's not like they're destitute.
It's terrible of me to say, but I don't want to go to this wedding. Not only because of the reasons I've mentioned but we're living on a fixed income and don't have a lot of extra money to spare for plane tickets, hotels, rental car, clothes, gifts, etc.
Am I a bad mother for feeling this way? What would you do?