Speaking of Exes

feywon

feywon

Well-known Member
Location
Rural North Central NM
Some questions, food for thought...

1) If y'all had kids together were you able to co-parent post divorce? More and more younger couples are doing this well, often including the new partners of each. All with an eye to raising and caring for the kids. Being supportive.

2) If one had primary custody and the other regular times with the child(ren) did you both refrain from bad mouthing the other to the child? i don't think one should lie, but rather answer questions honestly, keeping in mind your child's age/maturity. And some things they really don't need to know. Just that you had very divergent thoughts, feelings. If i felt the need to vent, i did it out their presence. And i often told them the good things about their Dads, especially that their Dad loved them.
3) If the other parent essentially 'ghosted' the chid(ren) were still able to refrain from bad mouthing them? My Mom did with her first two exes. And with second it was particularly interesting because he did pay support and a couple of times a year pick him up for visits (tho he often left my brother with friends while he played cards), but he was almost always late picking him up and sometimes a no show, by age 6 or so Jay would go to a neighbor/friend's to play telling Mom 'holler for me if he ever shows'. He figured it out for himself and Mom hadn't lowered herself to complaining about him to their son.

4) If the other parent died while kids still young, how did talk about them afterwards and help your kids deal with the loss?

Answer any you feel moved to anyway you want just keep it 'clean' ;).
 

#3. My first husband had a propensity for getting into trouble and in fact spent a good part of his adult life in prison. We stayed together only 3 months. I kicked him out after he went back on his promise to stay out of trouble. I also didn't like how he treated our son who was 5 when we got married. I never bad mouthed him to my son (yes..he became my son). I didn't have to. Decades later they wound up connecting due to a serendipitous circumstance....a chance meeting on a bus. They never became close but did keep in contact until my ex died.

#4. My son was an adult with his own children when his father died but I remember asking him a few months before John died..."How would you feel if your father died?" I just had a feeling he didn't have long. From what I understand, none of his children were all that broken up about his death. My son has established a wonderful relationship with his half siblings, something his father never got a chance to witness.
 
We had a very amicable Divorce... My daughter was 8 years old...The judge in court said he wished that all couples who came in front of him were as agreeable as the 2 of us, especially when it came down to the care of our daughter..and he made an order for her father to pay an affordable maintenance commensurate with his earnings...... all good so far huh ?


Nope.. he never paid a single penny..not one penny... Married someone who was already pregnant with somebody else's kid.. 15 years younger than him... then proceeded to have more .

When I finally got him back into court for non payment ( because over the years every time I got him served he left his job and became unemployed so he didn't have to pay) , dd was getting ready to go to college by then, , and after years of struggling on my own to try and afford the food and all the bills and DD's clothing, school books, and everything needed for a child growing up... he lied through his teeth on OATH and told the judge he'd been paying cash every week....so we never got a penny from him..

My dd hasn't spoken a word to him since she was 16 years old.... and never want to even now we've recently heard he's got COPD and can't work anymore, and lives alone .... she's absolutely resolute in her feelings that to her he means nothing... , that is from her not from me, because despite his actions I always wanted her to have a relationship with him, but at the age of 16 she saw him for what he really was, and took the decision to cut him out of her life.

His loss.. because she's highly successful in life, and a good decent human being, so he really missed having his first born be a light of his life, and allowed her to miss out on a father , and the 3 he had with the second marriage are low lives...
 

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I made it a point never to speak badly about my ex to our kids. As they matured her actions spoke for themselves. I reconnected with my younger son some years ago, after my ex has poisoned his mind.
I am in constant contact with my sons, and set up a tuition fund for my grandchildren.
That being said, the best thing would be for her to die and leave the $ 2 mil property to my sons. Unfortunately, I think she is too mean to die.
 
I think it's wonderful if ex's get along well for the children's sake. My Husband's niece had 4 children when she got a divorce from their Dad. They all get together for holidays and special events. When their daughter got married and danced the father-daughter dance, her Dad called her stepdad to do some of the dance with his daughter.
 
My body language must have spoken volumes when he was around. They think I told them negative things about their father, which I didn’t since I didn’t tell them anything. No point in their hearing any of it.
 

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