Staying at my daughter's house, don't know for how long.

[StarSong]

Here's a question... why doesn't Sheri move in there with her two kids - yes, it's probably small, but the idea is for her to be slightly uncomfortable so that she'll get her act together and ease toward self-sufficiency. As @AnnieA said above, once she's out and the 14 day clock has expired, you could move back in with Ron, or at least see him again.

p.s. Sometimes it's true that just one more straw is enough to break the camel's back. No need to apologize for being beyond your maximum. A lot of us have been there at various points in our lives.

p.p.s. I'm an over-sharer, too - don't always see the subtle line that separates being open and being leaky. Such is life.

 

[Aneeda72]

I am still very raw, am a bit embarrassed to admit how fragile and vulnerable I continue to feel. I just don't have the emotional capacity to deal with Pepper's harshness at the moment, so I've put her on Ignore. I just can't, right now. So I particularly appreciate y'all having my back.

I am typically made of much sterner stuff, and have not only survived far, far worse than this current situation with Sheri and Ron, but have gone on to flourish and prevail and do even better. I expect I'll get to that point with this latest too, but it coming on the heels of how hyper stressed and anxious I've felt as a result of the Virus, I have just been left with no emotional stores from which to draw.

I think Pepper might have said something about over-sharing here...I haven't seen her posts obviously, but it seems like that based on some of your responses.

Yeah. I do that. I make no excuses for it either, though I do apologize if it makes anyone uncomfortable, that's never my intent. It's just me, what I do, my process, the way I get through stuff. And I do so with the certain knowledge that if it IS making anyone uncomfortable there are many ways and forum tools and approaches to solve that individually. At least, that's always been MY solution when someone makes ME uncomfortable enough that I want to lash out....hence my need to put Pepper on ignore for the moment. There is no reason for me to tell her to stop...she is as free to post what she wants as I am. We all are! That's the beauty of forums like these. Take what you want and leave the rest, y'know?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ron has a tiny house on the property, that his other daughter and son in law were staying in for a while. It still has a bunch of their stuff in it which they need to come get, but it's vacant, and beautifully appointed (Ron's craftsmanship) and needs a really good top to bottom cleaning because they had two large dogs in there with them so hair everywhere!!!!

I am toying with the idea of taking that over for a bit.

Paige and William have assured me I am welcome to stay here for as long as I want, if I want to move in they'll convert the downstairs playroom to quarters for me, the grands all jumped up and down with excitement at the idea that I might live here...so, SO SWEET!! Brought tears to my eyes! I've lived with them before and they've both been lobbying for me to move back ever since, so I have no problems that it would work.

But for right now, I'm staying in 3.5 year old Milo's room, surrounded by stuffed animals and Mickey Mouse and his pet gekko, and the idea of the tiny house, a short walk from the main house but completely separate and self sufficient with no contact whatever to the main house, has a certain appeal. It's interim, that's all. Just a wayside stop to whatever my ultimate destination is, of which I have ZERO IDEA right now. My head swims when I think about more than the next couple days.

Anyway, floating that idea to get your take on potential pitfalls, workability, things I haven't considered, etc.

I think Ronni and Ron will work this out, or not. Each has to do what is best for each of them. There is no right or no wrong here. Ronni has stated they both have adult children and grandchildren. It’s a horrific situation to chose between a grown incompetent child with your grandchildren or a spouse/significant other.

Either way, everyone looses. I am so sorry Ronni you have to deal with this.

 

[hollydolly]

I was going to ask the same question about the daughter & children moving into the tiny house...why not them?... why make it comfortable for Ron and the daughter having you Ronni moving in to the tiny house, within arms reach of Ron, where he can be with you at any time, but still have his daughter in the main house.

I suspect by the time we've all written all these questions ...I hope anyway, that Ron has come up with a workable solution to suit all ... but I don't believe the solution is Ronni moving into the tiny house...

 

[Ronni]

On first read, I can see where having your own quiet space while things are so turbulent might help. Just so long as Ron understands he can't live in the house with irresponsible Sheri, then come out and visit you. And that he understands every time she goes out, the clock resets to 14 days. Given her tendency to lie, I'd put up a security camera that she doesn't know about in order to know when she's going out ...or having the husband who has been God knows where or worse yet, the next new guy over.

And, no apologies for sharing. That's kinda what social forums are for!

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are so blessed to have the options you have available. Especially your daughter and her family.

We think alike @AnnieA

The idea of the tiny house is completely for me, for my convenience. My life, and everything I need to live it, is in the main house but I won't be living there again any time soon obviously! So being close enough to easily access my possessions has an appeal....after they're sanitized etc., of course. I was in such a fog when I left that my few clothing items and toiletries that I grabbed are sadly lacking. I've gotten a few things purchased and delivered, but what am I going to do with the two left feet sneakers I grabbed in my haste? And I forgot underwear. And I scooped up too many tops and not enough bottoms....silly stuff, and the least of my problems, but I'm a creature of habit and routine and I'm very much out of my comfort zone right now.

If this were to happen, there is NO way Ron would be there with me. I don't trust Sheri, she lies, so even if she tells me she hasn't gone anywhere I just won't believe it. So until she's either fully out of the house and 14 days have passed, OR the virus threat is past us, I won't be within 8 feet of Ron, period. We can sit on the porch together...it's a large porch so plenty of room for plenty of distancing, but that's it.

And yes, I am beyond blessed to have the caring family who are always there for me. I sent out an email to everyone (we're a close family so we do group texts and emails all the time) to let them know what was going on. My California son offered to fly me out to him and his fam and set me up in the downstairs. One of my boys who's already got his brother staying with him to keep him safe, said they could bunk together and I could have the spare room. And even Grayson, my sweet addict-in-recovery son who doesn't have much of anything said he'd live out of his car and I could take over his room that he rents with bathroom privileges. I mean, damn, I was crying the GOOD kind of crying at their care and love!!!

 

[Ronni]

I was going to ask the same question about the daughter & children moving into the tiny house...why not them?... why make it comfortable for Ron and the daughter having you Ronni moving in to the tiny house, within arms reach of Ron, where he can be with you at any time, but still have his daughter in the main house.

I suspect by the time we've all written all these questions ...I hope anyway, that Ron has come up with a workable solution to suit all ... but I don't believe the solution is Ronni moving into the tiny house...

I've thought about that too...about Sheri et al moving into the tiny house.

There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer. I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.

I don't want her traipsing through the house, even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition. And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them. That they can't go in and out at will. They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.

I'm trying not to be vengeful here, or malicious...it's so easy for me to slip into the mindset of getting Sheri back for what she did. Of making her pay. I WANT for her to experience the consequences of her actions, because I think it's the only way that might, ultimately, offer her a chance to really take personal stock and inventory, and to grow emotionally and learn from her past mistakes. But it feels like a fine line to walk, one which I could all to easily slip from and land on the side of vengeance and paying her back for my miseries. Trying like hell not to go there.

 

[RadishRose]

For right now, Ronni let me just say you don't belong in what amounts to a shed on his property! You deserve better.

 

[Ladybj]

@Ronni So sorry to hear you are going through all this I highly doubt if he put her out. You did the right thing to stay with your daughter for a while.

 

[Ladybj]

I've thought about that too...about Sheri et al moving into the tiny house.

There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer. I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.

I don't want her traipsing through the house, even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition. And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them. That they can't go in and out at will. They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.

I'm trying not to be vengeful here, or malicious...it's so easy for me to slip into the mindset of getting Sheri back for what she did. Of making her pay. I WANT for her to experience the consequences of her actions, because I think it's the only way that might, ultimately, offer her a chance to really take personal stock and inventory, and to grow emotionally and learn from her past mistakes. But it feels like a fine line to walk, one which I could all to easily slip from and land on the side of vengeance and paying her back for my miseries. Trying like hell not to go there.

Karma is a B#@!$.. You don't have to do a thing.. she is doing it to herself already and don't realize it. I know its not easy but try not to lower yourself to her level.

 

[Ronni]

For right now, Ronni let me just say you don't belong in what amounts to a shed on his property! You deserve better.

Thank you @RadishRose I love knowing you have my back!

When I said it's beautifully appointed, that's just what I meant. Yes, it's small. Tiny house are. But Ron is a craftsman, and his touches are EVERYWHERE. It has stainless steel appliances, stunning custom wood cabinets in the kitchen, Italian tile in the bathroom, beaded board and shiplap accents, oak flooring.....it truly is amazing. There is no way I would be roughing it, trust me! I'll see if I can find a couple photos....we posted some as Ron and his daughter were doing the build. For one person (if you don't mind smaller spaces,) it's perfect.

 

[Ronni]

I found photos! Not as many as I wanted, but you'll get the idea.

Here's where it started out. Just a shell.


Some of the wood accents


The kitchen starting to take shape, with the custom cabinets


Subway tile, Italian tile, no fixtures yet.

 

[Ronni]

And then right after they moved in.

 

[RadishRose]

It is VERY cute @Ronni. I just have this "feeling" it's not....... right somehow to be in the yard but not in the house.

Don't mind me, I really have little insight. This is after all, your life and you need to be happy. It's time.

 

[Liberty]

Have faith in you Ronni to "sort it out". God bless and keep sweet!

 

[SeaBreeze]

It’s a mess. I love Ron deeply, but it’s at the point where he needs to grow a pair and put his foot down.

Amen! No other choice at this point.

 

[Pecos]

I have been happily married for over 35 years. Before that, I was a "Battle Scarred Veteran of The Romantic Wars."
I learned many things and walked away from several romantic involvements.

I can only offer you the wisdom of that famous philosopher Kenny Rodgers in his song "The Gambler."

You've got to know when to hold em.
Know when to fold em.
Know when to walk away.
and know when to run.

I think that I would be lacing up my sneakers about now.

 

[Aneeda72]

I've thought about that too...about Sheri et al moving into the tiny house.

There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer. I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.

I don't want her traipsing through the house, even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition. And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them. That they can't go in and out at will. They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.

I'm trying not to be vengeful here, or malicious...it's so easy for me to slip into the mindset of getting Sheri back for what she did. Of making her pay. I WANT for her to experience the consequences of her actions, because I think it's the only way that might, ultimately, offer her a chance to really take personal stock and inventory, and to grow emotionally and learn from her past mistakes. But it feels like a fine line to walk, one which I could all to easily slip from and land on the side of vengeance and paying her back for my miseries. Trying like hell not to go there.

The house is cute, how many square feet is it? So my suggestion is, Ronni, you read what you‘ve been writing. Let me see if I have this straight.
1. You won’t let Sheri and the kids move into the little house because it’s too small for them and too upsetting for the kids not to have access to the main house.
But you will let Sheri and the kids move out of the house completely to who knows where. Which will be extremely upsetting to the kids, impact their quality of life greatly, and possibly endanger them.

These two statements show how upset you are. You love those kids. You want the best for those kids. The kids are innocent in all this. And, I think you want to be in that little house so you can keep an eye on those kids. I could be wrong.

I don’t know Sheri, but she sounds like she has the same mindless stupidity as my granddaughter. Who is once again living with my daughter and her husband, with her baby. My granddaughter is probably worst than Sheri.

I think, Ronni, you are letting fear rule you. Fear of the virus. “Vengeance and paying her back for my miseries”, hmm. Vengeance because a stupid young woman visited a friend? I don’t think so, that’s not you. Because she is responsible for your “miseries”? I don’t think so. Fear of the virus is responsible, IMO. I could be wrong.

I think you should trust yourself despite your fear and anger. You’ve made a plan. Move into the little house, or not. Up to you. Organize your life again. Lots of us have responded with what we would do, but decide what you want to do. Take your time. Calm down. Then decide, with love and compassion, for yourself.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

Ronni...you did what you had to do and I'm not mad at ya! My sister invited me for dinner Easter Sunday. I chose not to go. First of all, II've had a mild sore throat and slight congestion. Maybe it's not Covid...but maybe it is. Secondly, our grand niece works at a supermarket where they were not allowed to wear masks until a couple of days ago (under Governor's orders). Can't be sure she doesn't have it, or anyone else that would be there. I'm social distancing, even from family, except my son did stop in briefly a couple times last week. I hope Ron's daughter doesn't wind up getting infected and passing it on to her dad and children.

 

[Butterfly]

It is VERY cute @Ronni. I just have this "feeling" it's not....... right somehow to be in the yard but not in the house.

Don't mind me, I really have little insight. This is after all, your life and you need to be happy. It's time.

I agree with you, RR.

Ronni, it seems to me that that would be sort of a capitulation on your part anyway, or at least a non-decision/non-solution. If you move into the tiny house, it seems to me that you would also be "enabling" the daughter (and enabling Ron to enable her). If it were I in this situation, I would want him to make a decision one way or the other about what he will continue to allow her to do. I wouldn't think that remaining on his property, but out in the backyard, would help in any way to move the situation forward and makes it seem that you are willing to accept half measures. If you are, fine, but it could go on forever.

RR is right, you deserve better than living in the backyard, no matter how nice the tiny house is, of a guy who can't make the decision to stop letting his irresponsible daughter control his life.

 

[Millyd]

Im curious where Ron stands with this issue?

Remember this virus is not something that’s going to be over with for at least another 6 months
(That’s what we are being told in Australia)

My opinion on the daughters behaviour is ......it’s not only put her / her father / possibly you @Ronni plus two precious children in danger, she needs to be shown how many are dying from this horrible virus

 

[Ronni]

@Aneeda72 I want to address something you said, in case there's been some misunderstanding.

You won’t let Sheri and the kids move into the little house because it’s too small for them and too upsetting for the kids not to have access to the main house.
But you will let Sheri and the kids move out of the house completely to who knows where. Which will be extremely upsetting to the kids, impact their quality of life greatly, and possibly endanger them.

First of all, I have no control of Sheri, so I am in no position to "let" her do anything. I think that was just a turn of phrase on your part, but in case it's not, I wanted to clarify.
Secondly, the plan all along, at least the way it was pitched to me, is that Sheri was going to move out of the house and establish her own home with her children. That is an appropriate action for her to take and yes, initially it might be upsetting to the kids because of the change, but it's still a reasonable and appropriate next step for Sheri and the littles. The tiny house would only be a temporary move, it's not a sustainable location for an adult and two kids, so she's have to move again in any case.

 

[Ronni]

I agree with you, RR.

Ronni, it seems to me that that would be sort of a capitulation on your part anyway, or at least a non-decision/non-solution. If you move into the tiny house, it seems to me that you would also be "enabling" the daughter (and enabling Ron to enable her). If it were I in this situation, I would want him to make a decision one way or the other about what he will continue to allow her to do. I wouldn't think that remaining on his property, but out in the backyard, would help in any way to move the situation forward and makes it seem that you are willing to accept half measures. If you are, fine, but it could go on forever.

RR is right, you deserve better than living in the backyard, no matter how nice the tiny house is, of a guy who can't make the decision to stop letting his irresponsible daughter control his life.

I can totally understand why you would see moving to the tiny house as some sort of capitulation. It's not, but I get why you see it that way. Lemme explain.

But first, YES, it IS a non-decision decision. That is where this entire situation has left me.....in a complete MAYBE. So every decision I'm making right now is an interim one.

Life in general is just one big uncertainty at the moment. It was that way before Sheri ever pulled this stunt simply because of the virus. I have no idea when I might go back to work. When the Stay at Home order is finally lifted (it just got extended for another three weeks here) or the curve flattens or there's a vaccine etc.,will I even still have clients? SHOULD I even go back (Ron and I were talking about me at least cutting back if not retiring completely before the Sheri incident) But all that was still manageable to a degree (barring my mental state anyway which I've already posted about) because I at least had the foundation of my man and my home.

Now? I still have all the uncertainties of the virus/work situation, but I no longer have the foundation of my man and my home, and I DO have very real worries that Ron has been infected, or that he will be. And there's not a blessed thing I can do about that.

There is way too much I don't know, and very little that I DO know right now. I don't know if Sheri or one of the kids has been infected or if Ron has from her Easter stunt. So it's a two week minimum waiting gain. BUT that uncertainty will just continue out into some vague future time because Sheri clearly has no regard for Ron's health and can't be trusted. She's alone during the day, she could go anywhere and we will never know because she's deceitful and she lies.

My living situation at this moment is interim and temporary. I can't keep living in Milo's sweet little bedroom forever. If I have to endure a temporary living situation, I view the tiny house as a better interim solution than Milo's bedroom, for all the reasons I've listed. I don't view it as a capitulation, even though it's easy to see it that way.

I'm not making accommodations for Sheri, or making things easy for Ron, I'm trying to evaluate the best situation for ME right now. If it incidentally accommodates Sheri, then that sucks because I don't want to do that, but I also won't punish MYSELF in order to NOT accommodate her. Does that makes sense?

If you're still reading at this point, kudos! I'm gonna keep talking because I'm processing better right now than I have in days, HALLELUJAH!!!! and I want to work this through till my brain stops working again.

I am not yet willing to give up on my relationship with Ron, so I'm not making any final decisions one way or another right now. I have time, I'm taking it. There's nothing forcing me to have to decide anything permanent, right now.

I will NOT live with Sheri again. Ron doesn't know that yet. But I won't manipulate/force Ron into making a decision by giving him a "her or me" ultimatum. I WILL tell him I am no longer comfortable living in the same house as Sheri. He can do whatever he wants with that information.

I need someplace to live for a time that isn't sweet Milo's bedroom

If Ron and I break up, I need somewhere to live permanently, and until/unless I get all my clients back or get new ones, I cannot afford a place of my own.

It will take some time to do the necessary renovations of the downstairs playroom if I choose to live with my daughter and her family.

And none of that takes into account how bereft I will feel if it actually comes to the point that Ron and I go our separate ways. That is WAY too much emotionality for me to process right now, so I'm leaving that waaaaaay the hell alone for the moment.

 

[Aneeda72]

@Aneeda72 I want to address something you said, in case there's been some misunderstanding.

You won’t let Sheri and the kids move into the little house because it’s too small for them and too upsetting for the kids not to have access to the main house.
But you will let Sheri and the kids move out of the house completely to who knows where. Which will be extremely upsetting to the kids, impact their quality of life greatly, and possibly endanger them.

First of all, I have no control of Sheri, so I am in no position to "let" her do anything. I think that was just a turn of phrase on your part, but in case it's not, I wanted to clarify.
Secondly, the plan all along, at least the way it was pitched to me, is that Sheri was going to move out of the house and establish her own home with her children. That is an appropriate action for her to take and yes, initially it might be upsetting to the kids because of the change, but it's still a reasonable and appropriate next step for Sheri and the littles. The tiny house would only be a temporary move, it's not a sustainable location for an adult and two kids, so she's have to move again in any case.

Yup, turn of phrase.

I agree it’s an appropriate action for Shari to take, but is she capable of doing it? I‘ve read your other posts and you are a very strong confident capable woman, but seems like Sheri isn’t. My granddaughter isn’t. Quite frankly, I am no where near as capable as you are, and I become less capable every day.

How does Sheri move out?

I am trying to brain storm with you as if we were sitting together and discussing it over tea. I am not trying to give you advice or influence you in any way. I am only bringing my granddaughter into the discussion because the issues are similar.

My granddaughter moved out from her mothers with the baby, and yes, it involved yet another man. Granddaughter is an expert manipulator, I pretty sure she surpasses Rons daughter in this area.

I’m not going to tell you to run from Ron. I actually just want to be someone you can talk to that has no dog in the fight. But, if you want, I”ll just shut up.

 

[Ronni]

Yup, turn of phrase.

I agree it’s an appropriate action for Shari to take, but is she capable of doing it? I‘ve read your other posts and you are a very strong confident capable woman, but seems like Sheri isn’t. My granddaughter isn’t. Quite frankly, I am no where near as capable as you are, and I become less capable every day.

How does Sheri move out?

I am trying to brain storm with you as if we were sitting together and discussing it over tea. I am not trying to give you advice or influence you in any way. I am only bringing my granddaughter into the discussion because the issues are similar.

My granddaughter moved out from her mothers with the baby, and yes, it involved yet another man. Granddaughter is an expert manipulator, I pretty sure she surpasses Rons daughter in this area.

I’m not going to tell you to run from Ron. I actually just want to be someone you can talk to that has no dog in the fight. But, if you want, I”ll just shut up.

Don't shut up. The back and forth is helpful to me.

I've come to the conclusion that Sheri will only move out if forced to do so...i.e. if Ron tells her it's time. Unless there's another man who doesn't see through her BS beforehand and she moves in with him, she'll just continue to float along at Ron's house. I mean, I think eventually she'll probably move once both the kids are in public school and she doesn't have to pay for childcare. Until then though (3 more years) she'll stay put so she can continue to have fun-money because she's not having to pay for childcare AND rent.

If she moves now (well, when she's working again) money will be tight. She earns well, but she spends frivolously and likes to have a LOT of disposable income. From what I understand of her finances, (and it isn't much) when she's working again she can afford to live on her own even with having to pay for child care, but it will be tight. She can't afford to buy which is what she wants and is what she wanted John to facilitate. And she doesn't want to "waste" money renting. Even under the best circumstances, single Moms have it hard and I am sympathetic to that. Just not sympathetic enough to sacrifice my own life to accommodate hers if there's any way I can avoid it.

I think Ron hasn't fully embraced the fact that Sheri will only move out if he forces the issue, if he tells her its time. He keeps expecting her to just do it. He's just sort of waiting I think, for her to take that step when she feels ready, when all her ducks are in a row. He doesn't get that there will NEVER be a "right time." I think too that he doesn't want to be the bad guy, doesn't want to experience her wrath, her grief, her guilt trips, her desolation because she'll pull all that and more in an effort to manipulate him. But he hasn't yet seen it as manipulation, as a show for his benefit, so it's not easy for him to just take the hard line and persist on through.

I haven't pushed Ron to discuss Sheri moving out because I understand his process. He shuts down while he's working things through, and then is able to discuss things more coherently. MY process is completely different.....I want to talk and talk and talk and work things through that way........as has to be evident by how much I post lol!!!! Since Sheri pulled her crap over Easter, all I've been talking about with him is how deceitful, how wrong that was, how she disregarded his health and well being etc. Very little about getting her moved out because I know damn well he'd balk at that at this time simply because she's not working/earning.

I would like to discuss with him the idea of once she IS working again, give her a deadline of a month, and stick to it. As previously mentioned I am not going to give him any kind of ultimatum. That particular discussion won't be about me, it will be about Sheri and Ron and how enmeshed he is with her and how emotionally unhealthy his enabling of her is. Etc.

 

[SeaBreeze]

There is way too much I don't know, and very little that I DO know right now. I don't know if Sheri or one of the kids has been infected or if Ron has from her Easter stunt. So it's a two week minimum waiting gain. BUT that uncertainty will just continue out into some vague future time because Sheri clearly has no regard for Ron's health and can't be trusted. She's alone during the day, she could go anywhere and we will never know because she's deceitful and she lies.

My living situation at this moment is interim and temporary. I can't keep living in Milo's sweet little bedroom forever. If I have to endure a temporary living situation, I view the tiny house as a better interim solution than Milo's bedroom, for all the reasons I've listed. I don't view it as a capitulation, even though it's easy to see it that way.

I'm not making accommodations for Sheri, or making things easy for Ron, I'm trying to evaluate the best situation for ME right now. If it incidentally accommodates Sheri, then that sucks because I don't want to do that, but I also won't punish MYSELF in order to NOT accommodate her. Does that makes sense?

If you're still reading at this point, kudos! I'm gonna keep talking because I'm processing better right now than I have in days, HALLELUJAH!!!! and I want to work this through till my brain stops working again.

I am not yet willing to give up on my relationship with Ron, so I'm not making any final decisions one way or another right now. I have time, I'm taking it. There's nothing forcing me to have to decide anything permanent, right now.

I will NOT live with Sheri again. Ron doesn't know that yet. But I won't manipulate/force Ron into making a decision by giving him a "her or me" ultimatum. I WILL tell him I am no longer comfortable living in the same house as Sheri. He can do whatever he wants with that information.

I need someplace to live for a time that isn't sweet Milo's bedroom

If Ron and I break up, I need somewhere to live permanently, and until/unless I get all my clients back or get new ones, I cannot afford a place of my own.

It will take some time to do the necessary renovations of the downstairs playroom if I choose to live with my daughter and her family.

And none of that takes into account how bereft I will feel if it actually comes to the point that Ron and I go our separate ways. That is WAY too much emotionality for me to process right now, so I'm leaving that waaaaaay the hell alone for the moment.

I understand where you're coming from Ronni, living in the small house is probably a better choice for you and your daughter. Unfortunately, you have a touchy situation on your hands that you don't deserve at all. The virus pandemic is tough enough to deal with, I admire your strength and clarity in thinking during this time.

I know what you mean about giving Ron an ultimatum, she goes or I go. He needs to grow a spine and make that decision on his own, so it's not held over your head in the future as things go on with Sheri, I'm sure she'll be screwing up left and right and expecting others to fix her messes for her. You've already done more than I would have in this situation, her presence would have been temporary....period.

I hope Ron will insist on Sheri growing up and living on her own, it too bad if the kids are uncomfortable for awhile, but parents are supposed to care enough for their kids to do what's best for them. She'll never take responsibility for anything if people keep enabling her irresponsible behavior.

I really hope that you and Ron never split up, and that you can live a happy life together and alone. Thanks for the updates, thinking of you, hang in there.

 

[Aneeda72]

Yup, all valid points and glad I don’t have to shut up, cause, well, have you noticed I like to talk as well? . Below is what my daughter did, just sharing ideals. Of course, you would adapt this to your situations if it seems appropriate to you.

Where is she getting her spending money? This is the first step. (When Ron is ABLE to listen.). No spending money. It would be fair for Ron to charge rent. This you could discuss with Ron. This was what my daughter and husband did before she had a child. You live here, you pay rent.

Step two. Who watches the children while she goes and plays? It would be fair for no one to watch the children but her. A point to discuss with Ron would be if she is to move out, and handle the children on her own, then she needs to take care of the children, fully, while here. Cause Ron is not moving out with her.

Which means no babysitting by anyone while they are in his house, which means she cleans up after them, does all her and their laundry, makes their meals, wipes their butts, etc. It also means Ron gets to observe and make sure his grandchildren are probably cared for, and add suggestions if they are not. Drove granddaughter crazy.

This is where Ron has to really step up to the process and start growing those balls . (This step drove my daughters husband crazy the first time granddaughter and baby moved to their home. It almost killed them, they had to monitor the situation constantly. I had to always assure them that eventually the baby would sleep through the night. ).

But they had/have two adopted daughters who behave this way. It’s been horrendous. They are both in their 20’s now and still idiots. Anyway, above just things to think about.