your hands are tied...I suggest removing your emotions and yourself from all this as much and as soon as you can.......
very good question and one I have also considered. she would not have to sneak around if there was a marriage. For 40 years I have heard why she didn't marry my dad. It was always because her deceased husband had a good pension which she would not have access to should she remarry. She always made sure that financials were kept separate. she had a house which she sold years ago when she moved in with my dad. she had insurance from her former husband's death. she has his pension. she has his ss benefits which were higher then hers would have been. Supposedly, from everything she has ever said, she is in great financial shape, she has told us girls for the last 40 years that my dad always wanted us to have the proceeds from the house ( she didnt need them) to be split 3 ways between us. My dad has said the same. However, when my sister had a discussion with them about my dad getting a will in place, she suddenly had a change of heart . since that time and the other incident, which has only been in the last two months, there is an escalation in the desire to move. I don't want proceeds for my personal benefit. I want to have access to $ for his long term care, which will more likely be needed. He has his house and some savings. no life insurance. funeral is paid for. SS and a small pension. just want him to have really good care should the time come. we will do what we can but we all have obligations as well. my sister has a child who will never be able to live alone to consider.
yes , I know. I tried. it isnt even about the money for me. it is the deceit around the money that is so hard to get past and my concern for his safety and well being.
*absolutely positive house is in his name only. my suspicion as to why the sudden move to sell and purchase new home using his proceeds to put house in both their names. * Yes, I am a bit concerned about medications though he is at his doctors office for regular visits and he has been with this same doc for years. *I took his guns out of the house after the police intervention. I believe hers is still there. * No will. *Her change of stories has my radar going on alarm mode.
more than likely, my next move.
Yep probably the best one. At least there will be a record made of your concerns.
Just a reminder. Martha's suggestion is EXCELLENT!
i understand how painful this is....sometimes we have to let it go
I think you do. You are not alone in this (as I am with my elderly stepfather) You have support. That helps A LOT. Be grateful for it.
honestly, is I knew that was what he wanted and he said so, I would honor that,
And that's OK but this is why you nee professional intervention. Even if he could still pass cognitive tests now (and he may not) he may not in the future. If your dad is declining, this woman may be scared wondering what is going to happen to her. That's not your problem. She may be trying to manipulate to save herself and keep a place to live. But if they were never married, I don't know legally what she can do in your area. You should try to find out.
I have no doubt that she is scared, which is why we didn't move to press charges against her when she assaulted my dad. however, there is a way and an inappropriate way to communicate your fear and we have given her NO reason to be afraid of discussing that. again, it has never been about the money with me. it is the deceit with which she is operating in regards to that. She has stated as recently as a month ago to me that she is in no need of his money should he pass before her. she has stated the same over the last 40 years. Now, I have to wonder whether she was ever being truthful about this. if she is in need, we, us three and her three, would make sure she is taken care of. Its the sudden change in stories, actions, etc. that leads me to distrust. I just wish she would be completely honest. I wish he had a will. then this would not fall on my sisters and I to wonder and to be fearful.
Please read the website I provided for you. It will give you something on which to base your decisions.
Will do and thank you.
That's my question, too. Assault can be many things, from a slap to an attack with a baseball bat. What did she actually do to him? And is he incapable of defending himself?
I would contact someone to check that out. Something is wrong there. I suggest you contact your local Department of Aging and see if they can give you some much needed information.
