The General Humor Thread

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'
Concerned he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
'Are my test results back?'
 
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Why men shouldn’t write advice columns

Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling, and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila
******
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking to see that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold, and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps...

Walter
 
Rich said:
Why men shouldn’t write advice columns

Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling, and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila
******
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking to see that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold, and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps...

Walter
Click to expand...
This makes total sense to me. Walter took time out of his busy daily schedule/routine and shared with you valuable information that he knew about your main problem. Does he have to also give you information or help with all of your minor or trivial and not so important problems also? Don't worry Walter you did a fine job. I would have been more appreciative. :)
 
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