My Ketchup Bottle Has Become Sentient
It Hides.
I often can’t find it for days, sometimes a full week.
I did not know what to do.
I consulted Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”
On page 363, I found the solution.
“When dealing with sentient condiments, mirror their actions.”
And so, I have placed a second Ketchup Bottle in the fridge.
It too hides.
They hide from each other.
In their instinctive scramble to hide from each other, they sometimes expose themselves.
And that is when I catch them.
And that I when I compel them to give up some of their red, vinegary deliciousness.
Never give up.
Never surrender.