The General Humor Thread

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Herby is the Father of 3. Herby is at divorce court and asks
the Judge, "I would like to have Custody of my Kids."

The Judge ponders Herby's request and says, "Let's hear your justification."
After a long silence, Herby slowly rises from the Chair and replies,

"Your Honor, when I put Cash in a vending machine and a Coke comes out,
does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
__________________________________________________ __
There is an accident on the Expressway.
An 18-wheeler loaded with Vicks overturns.
The Contents spill all over the highway and ditch.
There was no Congestion for 8 hours.
______________________________________
Alligators may grow up to 14 feet. But most only have 4. ..... twss
 
You might be a redneck if...
When your wife walks in front of you wearing what looks like a gunny sack.

Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
Your favorite fruit is fried chicken.

At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.
You've ever used a hangnail or a plastic straw from a big gulp as a toothpick.

Your waiter brings the steak you've ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" you yelled, "Your hands on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
__________________________________________________ _____
"You have the inheriting capability to screw everything up."
 
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