The General Humor Thread

Old John says to his wife, ‘I’m going to the kitchen for a snack. You want anything?’

Dora replies, ‘There’s no point telling you. You’ll just forget what I want.’

John is annoyed and assures her his memory isn’t that bad. He can surely remember what she wants between the living room and the kitchen. So she gives in and says, ‘Alright, bring me some toast and jam.’

John goes to the kitchen and is gone for awhile. When he comes back he proudly puts a bowl of ice cream in front of Dora and says, ‘There! I said I wouldn’t forget.’

Dora looks down at the ice cream with disdain. ‘You damn old forgetful fool. You forgot the chocolate syrup.’
 
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A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him.

"How bad is it?" the doctor asks.

"I have no idea", says the husband.

"Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something. If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing. Keep moving closer and repeating the comment until she does hear you. That way we'll have an idea of her range of hearing loss."

So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for dinner.

From 20 feet: "What are we having for dinner?" No answer.
From 10 feet, same thing.
From 5 feet, same thing.
Finally he's standing right behind her ... "What's for dinner?"

She turns around, looks at him and says "For the FOURTH time ... BEEF STEW!!!"
 
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