The girl with dreadful scarring on her arms, (you'll know who or what I blame for this, and the perennial question, who loves them?)

Knight said:
That 1st. part was your guess, a reasonable guess but still only a guess. Seems odd to me that what you describe wasn't covered up by long sleeves.
Then there is what you consider alarming. From various bits about self harm I've seen most try to conceal self harm. Parents typically are the last to know or at least in what I've seen. The alarming increase you say is happening, my guess would be rejection in some form on social media. Being able to show self harm for attention may play into this.
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Its true I didn't ask the girl why her arms were so badly scarred, but I think her behaviour before she started helping the lady in charge betrayed some lack in confidence too, (avoiding eye contact etc.), but the short sleeves business is simply explained because it was so hot there was little choice really.

I know its easy to become too melodramatic when reacting to something like this, but my question "Who loves the children who self harm" is being put forward not just to highlight how many decent dads/parents get excluded for no good reason, and suggest this needs to be considered more, and the business about trying to encourage our children to be less selfish needs to be thought about more, but even beyond all the other things said on this subject, or any similar subject concernibg children where there appears to be difficulties arising of some kind, "EVERYONE INVOLVED IN ANYWAY AS A PROFESSIONAL SHOULD BE FORCED BY OUR FAMILY LAWS TO CONSIDER WHO MIGHT LOVE ANY PARTICULAR CHILD, WHILST ACKOWLEDGING ALL THEY ARE CAPABLE OF DOING IS DESTROYING PARENT_CHILD RELATIONSHIPS, AND THEY WILL NEVER LOVE THE CHILD AS A DECENT PARENT DOES"!

(Btw I believe some states in the USA appear to do this).
 

OneEyedDiva said:
When my granddaughter, who had issues with depression, was about 15, she was a cutter. I believe she also had low self esteem, despite the compliments she received from family, teachers and all who knew her about how smart and beautiful she is. She spent two weeks in a mental health facility a couple of years ago. She told her parents that while in group therapy, listening to others' stories about their home lives made her realize how blessed she is and how grateful she should be. She has OCD (clinically diagnosed) and still suffers from the occasional depression but the self harm as stopped. Now the thought of a wound on her body would horrify her. :)
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Your story is certainly touching, and I must acknowledge the world will never be completely free of children having a rough time of one kind or another, regardless of how much anyone might try to prevent them having such experiences.

My daughter developed a slight stammer following the break up of her parents marriage, and of course you hoped the stress going on around her did not affect her too badly.

My method for dealing with the slight stammer was never ever to refer to it or react to it when I witnessed it, whilst doing all I could to build my daughter's confidence, for example by encouraging her to engage with many many members of my wider family, all of whom made a great fuss of her, and trying my best to find family oriented organisations or settings, (where over time any shyness she showed, I believe, became lessened as a result).

I dont know what I would have done had she experienced more serious difficulties.
 
grahamg said:
Your story is certainly touching, and I must acknowledge the world will never be completely free of children having a rough time of one kind or another, regardless of how much anyone might try to prevent them having such experiences.

My daughter developed a slight stammer following the break up of her parents marriage, and of course you hoped the stress going on around her did not affect her too badly.

My method for dealing with the slight stammer was never ever to refer to it or react to it when I witnessed it, whilst doing all I could to build my daughter's confidence, for example by encouraging her to engage with many many members of my wider family, all of whom made a great fuss of her, and trying my best to find family oriented organisations or settings, (where over time any shyness she showed, I believe, became lessened as a result).

I dont know what I would have done had she experienced more serious difficulties.
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I think you handled her stammering perfectly. "I dont know what I would have done had she experienced more serious difficulties." I believe you would have dealt with whatever challenge affected your daughter.
 

Pepper said:
The word is 'chili', not 'chilly.' Thanks for the compliment!
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"I'm glad you noticed that, I was wondering when someone would spot my deliberate mistake", (as Captain Mainwaring would no doubt have said):
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0062552/quotes/qt0429245

Quote:
"Did I ever tell you the story about the old, empty barn. ... "Its empty"
Mainwaring: I wondered how long it would take you to work that one out. ... Jones: Walker"

 
@grahamg

If you actually think young women cut for attention, I've only got one thing to say to you.

The Mothership will pick you up at the usual co-ordinates.
 
Beezer said:
@grahamg

If you actually think young women cut for attention, I've only got one thing to say to you.

The Mothership will pick you up at the usual co-ordinates.
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Not I, and really I've no idea why anyone might think my asking, "Who loves those children who self harm"?, means anything other than, " Who loves those children that self harm ",(and I didn't intend anyone to think it meant, " Who thinks children self harming are just seeking attention"?).

Clear enough for you now, "mother ship" not needed quite yet perhaps?

(I'll check to see if I stated anything in any way likely to be misconstrued in response to another forum member)

Of course it is true (I believe) that in terms of human needs, negative attention is preferable to no attention for a child, but you'd expect children being well and truly loved would know both their good behaviour, and their not so good is well and truly noticed by their parents, come what may! :)
 
Tish said:
I strongly believe that they do it to be able to feel something anything, even pain. They are so closed in that they can't relate to anyone or any situation.
They are forever on the outside looking in, never belonging, never wanted, and never able to live up to the expectations of society.
It is a truly horrible thing, they can't forgive they can't forget.
They are trapped in their own turmoil and do not see past the pain they live with every day.
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This is a very good post I believe, and I couldn't find anything to disagree with at all in it, (though I freely admit I'm no expert!).
 
You see it as scolding, because that's what you obviously need, dear boy. I'd be quite willing to scold you if that's what you want. However, we should drop this line of talk or someone will tell us to 'get a room.' :love:
 
Pepper said:
You see it as scolding, because that's what you obviously need, dear boy. I'd be quite willing to scold you if that's what you want. However, we should drop this line of talk or someone will tell us to 'get a room.' :love:
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I had a response for you but darn it you've thrown me now, lets see what was the thread subject(?)!

Oh yes quite a serious one really, and here we are going from Monty Python, (who remembers them?,...., I do of course!), to John Denver and Placido Domingo singing such a beautiful song, one you couldn't quite manage to read the wonderful lyrics they were singing suggesting "some people dont know what love is", but we do dont we, our parents loved us didn't they, well mine did, though they never ever said so, (though who cares so long as they did :) ).

I know it wasn't you who threw out the "Get over it" line again on this thread, but to whoever it was I am delighted to be able to tell them "I've gotten over those who think they can tell me what I should choose to get over, (as though they cared a jot about my interests!), and I've so gotten over those who tell me to get over things I can confidently tell them I'll make my own mind what I choose to say I'm over, or continue to try to nag the hell out of everyone about, such as "Who love those children who self harm"?
 
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